CALVINBALL VI: This time, it's PERSONAL.... ok, so it's not.

[videogamerz2000]

"Toll bridge eh?" The STDP says. " Does it have a good income? If you wnat, you can help me pummel Jara, while I create some SAAM clones/pawns to help overlook the bridge, if you want."

[slightly aboveaverage man]

"Well the good thing about being me is that there are so many me's?" SAAM replies.
camera pans out to show an army of SAAM clones, most of which are striking disco dance poses, playing Jax, riverdancing or doing the "Badger."

(see Calvinball 1-3/godmoding arena for details on the "Badger.")

"Besides, I think Jara has been severely pummled. and now for some entertainment!"

suddenly, all of the SAAM clones drop their pants, start shuffling sideways and sing
"Old grey mare, she ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be..."

[videogamerz2000]

"It is official." The voice of TD rings.
"SAAM has gone crazy. Quoting form the Matrix Reloaded, river-dancing while playing Jax, and showing us his repulsive birthday suit, while singing about... something. I can do better."

*ahem* (clears throat) "I have survived you predeccesors, Mr. SAAM. My clone army, is that compared to a orcish hell, and a squadren of men, gathered from Rohan, Gondor, and from a valley of the dead...thing. It's like some dude of LOTR said "Mordor has been released" and after that, imputent death followed on the battle field." Instead of going buck stark, the TD army pulls out their stereo's and jam away while playing air guitars, while also playing every cool RPG imaginable.
And with that, TD signs off, 'till next time......

[slightly aboveaverage man]

Ooc: look at your Private Messages TD. Hint hint.

Ic: SAAM counters by playing "Radio Free Zerg."
How do you like My groove Daggoth?

[darkt0aster]

The Tupakatu wanders over into viewing distance of the bridge, after noticing that the still invisible 'calvinball' had been taken from him. Something else is tucked under his arm...it phases out of invisibility and is revealed to be the real calvinball.
"fools"
What the other players failed to realize is that in the process of making the Calvinball invisible, the Tupakatu had switched what he was carrying with a spherical container filled with explosive material, now in the hands of the opposition and set to detonate right about ... now.
The bridge explodes and engulfs all nearby players in fire. Now to bust out some rule pwnage.
"all players engulfed in fire now have jury duty in a case that begins about .2 seconds from now. If you fail to attend...your points are transfered to me."
*giggle*

[Bob The Mercenary]

Just when SAAM thought he was at the top of his game, the mini-Jadas scattered as a figure approached. The One Bob paced towards SAAM and was soon face-to-face with him. He seemed troubled as he stared, then he began, "I killed you, SAAM, I watched you die...with a certain satisfaction I might add. But, then something happened. Something I thought was impossible, but it happened anyway...you jammed. And it was good. Which leads back to why we're here. Each person is here because they have a purpose. Without this purpose...we wouldn't exist. You tried taking away my purpose, my reason for being, by wailing harder than me.

There is no escaping reason, no denying purpose because as we both know without purpose, we would not exist." Then, out from the shadows emerged around 30 or 40 Bob clones. "It is purpose that created us. Purpose that connects us. Purpose that pulls us. That guides us. That drives us. It is purpose that defines us. Purpose that binds us. We are here because of you SAAM, and we are here to take from you what you tried to take from us. Purpose. There can only be one One."

At that, the Bobs attacked like a giant swarm in unison from every direction.

[slightly aboveaverage man]

as the swarms of Bobs approached, the army of SAAM's prepared for battle. the lead SAAM addressed his army.

"Friends, Canadians, SAAM clones. Lend me your ears!"

All of the SAAM clones pull off an ear and throws it at SAAM."

"That's disgusting! We shall fight in France, we shall fight on beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, an in streets. we shall fight in the public washrooms, we shall fight, whatever the cost may be. we shall never surrender. The they shall say of us, nevah, have so many, owed so much, to so few."

SAAM saw his entire army fall asleep.

another hench-SAAM approaches. "Tough crowd. mind if I try?"

"Sure"

the Hench-SAAM pulls out glasses, and starts acting like Malcom X.
"Take a look at yourselves, go on. take a look around. now people you've been had, bushwacked, bamboozled. now we didn't land on this toll bridge, this toll bridge landed on us!"

the SAAM army, now riled up, charges at the bobs with their Slightly Above Average Wangs drawn. "they may take our lives, but they shall never take our Pants!"

the SAAMs charge forward to meet the bobs, in a scene kind of like Braveheart.

[videogamerz2000]

The TD's, also being Canadians, respond to the call of SAAM, yet instead of ripping off their ears and pulling out their wangs, they listen intensly and draw out spears, swords, staffs, bows and other weapons and rush to confront the Bob's. The battlefield is awestruck with the amount of gore to take place.

[Jadarendir]

The World has changed.

I feel it in the waters.

I feel it in the earth.

I smell it in the air.

Much that once was is now lost, for none now live who remember it...

LORD of the RENDIRS

It began with the forging of the great instruments of power.

Three fenders were given to the Thunder Dragoons. Immortal, wisest and fairest... actually, just most immortal of all beings.

Seven drum kits were given to the Rendirs. Great craftsmen and percussionists of the mountain halls.

And nine. Nine badgers were given to the race of Slightly Above Average Men, who above all else... desire cheetos.

For within these instruments was bound the strength, and the will to rock out each race...

...but they were all of them decieved. For another strat was made.

In the land of France, in the fires of Mount Me, The Dark Lord Bob forged in secret a master stratocaster, to govern all others. And into this strat, he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all bands.

ONE WAIL TO BLOW THEM ALL AWAY.

One by one, the races fell to the power of the strat.... but there were some who resisted.

A last alliance of Slightly Above Average Men, and Dragoons joined forces to defeat the Dark Lord, and on the slopes of Mount Me, they fought for the freedom of file sharing.

Victory was near... but the power of the Strat could not be undone.

With a mighty wail, thousands of brave SAAM's and Dragoons were indeed blown away by the Stratocaster's power.

The original SAAM charged forward, only to get wailed head first into the side of a cliff.

It was in that moment, when all hope had faded, that a single snare drum note sounded. All sounds of battle ceased, and all ears listened.

[slightly aboveaverage man]

SAAM looked up. "that is no Bob horn."

SAAM then remembered Jadarendirs last PM to him

"Look to my coming on first light of the sixth chapter. At page 3, look to the east."

With that Jadarendir came running over the mountainside, he stopped at the midpoint.

"SAAM, lord of the Cheeto's stands alone."

MasterMage walked beside him. "Not alone." He drew his staff.

"MINIRENDIRS!"

A great drum solo began, and clouds of Minirendirs came pouring over the mountain's top.

"TO THE BADGER!"

And they did, and it was good.

Using Bobs momentary distraction, SAAM threw his shoe at the Stratocaster, knocking it from Bobs hands.

In the moment that his power had left him, Bob felt a pair of drumsticks pierce his heart. He exploded with a great flash, the brightness of which had never been seen before.