Ask Black Mage

[Funka Genocide]

have you ever tried a dragon slave? I mean it must get old just Hadokenning everything. Don't you need a little variety?

[Domon]

Dear Black Mage:

why do you wear a straw hat or is it straw at all if so why??? and if your hat isnt made of straw then what is it made of?
And what is RM's hat made of?

-Domon
(i think i already have a sig.)

[videogamerz2000]

Dear mage of the blackest darkness...

how many years does it take to become a servant of the incarnations of evil? I was wondering because I want to release my inner demon and i think that just DMC alone won't help....

[Jack of Spades]

Dear Black Mage.

Why do all mages have to wear a hat or hood? Does casting spells make you so physically unattractive that taking off your hat would cause those nearby to turn to stone?

[BlackMage]

Originally Posted by Rayinne

Dear BM:

1) What is up with you and RM's hat? Why is it such a source of rage to you?

2) Which of the three basic elements do you prefer for destructive purposes?

Sincerely:
Yet Another Person Named After An Electronic Deity

A13: It's because he's so obsessed with it. It would be one thing if he thought it looked cool, but no rather his reason is "it gives me a +4 versus whatever and i'm stupid". Plus it makes him look like a wannabe pimp, and worse yet is that the only time he doesn't wear it is when he dresses like a woman

A14: Fire, but they all can be used for evil purposes. Slowly casting Ice-1 on a frostbite victim comes to mind

Originally Posted by Drake the Dark

At last! A chance to ask Black Mage, my idol, some questions!


We'll start by dispensing with the bullshit. No, I'm not going to waste your time with worthless ass kissing and pathetic pleas for your dark powers. I have a rather potent set of my own, thank you, and I'm quite happy with them. (and the poor shmucks still think it was an a-bomb at nagasaki. pffft.)

Anyway, I guess the one, most pressing question would be:

Why the HELL do you like White Mage? I mean, sure, she's cute, but she's way into the "helping others" and "doing good" thing...

A15: Think about it, on top of her red hottness she would make a great ally. Good in bed and good to live with. What I mean is that her white magic when teamed up with my black magic could serve quite the evil purpose. I won't need anymore fleshbag shield who don't know 1+1 if I have a white mage to cure me, mute rival wizards and tons of other stuff.

Originally Posted by FinnMacCool

Here's my question.

Dear BM:

I gots me a few questions...But here's the main thorn in my big toe. I have quite a long list of people that I need to kill (around 800 million, to be exact. France, Canada, and most of the Eastern Hemisphere). How would you go about making sure that these dolts do not get the chance to soil the human gene pool any further?

A16: WILL YOU PEOPLE PLEASE STOP NAMING PEOPLE AND PLACES THAT DON'T EXIST!? IF YOU DON'T I'LL BE SURE TO REMEMBER IT WHEN I AQUIRE ULTIMA!!!!!!!!! Eh, sorry about that. I can tell that you just want to kill people, but please it's getting on my fuckin nerves. I don't recall there even being 800 million people in the world for that matter, but if you say so. Anyway you can use just about any serial killing or mass murder method you wish. Though my favorite is just torching every town I come across with Fire-3, however since the situations will probably very and I'm not clear on wether you have magic or not you'll have to be on your own on this one.

Originally Posted by CHICAGO¤lollie

Dear mage of evil blackety magic, *dammit*
I gotta ask about when you guys sleep at Inns and stuff.

I have many times before scared myself at the image of Red Mage in a dress (oh BM, make there be no fan arts of that!) and I've started wondering to myself... Now, you hang out with those guys basically all the time, so, uh, oh, how should I ask this...

Is RM on the other side of the fence?

I don't mean a literal fence either... I mean, walking shoulder to shoulder with them, you might have gotten your inklings towards that idea, right?
What with the "wearing dresses" thing and all.

A17: Knowing RedMage he's probably Bisexual. After all it would make him that much more "versatile". hehe I've gotta jot that one down

Originally Posted by Cyclone231

Dear Black Mage,
Why don't you just commit suicide, so you die and go back to hell, where you can rule? And, why do you listen to Theif? I mean, you could just do stabbity death to him! It's not like he wears any super armor, like that idiot Fighter.
Also, what does your head really look like? I mean, enough of a description that I can vaguely picture it. Is it just physically impossible, or do you have the face of a member of N*Sync? If that's so, I can see why it would cause people to go insane...bleck...

A18: Because Lich can cast all 10 levels of spells, I can only cast 9. Plus I still have unfinished buisness In the regular world for now. Namely making everyone suffer who's fucked with me

A19: I needed Theif to take me to places were I could wreck havoc, and so far he's succeeded. Besides he's starting to learn his place as of late, and his laws haven't applied to me any more since I cast that one spell anyway

A20: My head looks the way it looks kiddo.

Originally Posted by Flarecobra

All righty then.

Black Mage, I've got several questions for you.

1. Why do you keep going after White Mage when it's obvious she's never going to like you?
2. You vs. the Warmech in this pic. Who would win? Or would you just kick out the pilot and control it yourself?

3. What would be your perfect weapon?

A21: This was sort of answered above. Although her white mage hippie pride probably won't allow her to admit she likes me, if only I could convince her the reward would be well worth it. And who knows I might just break her

A22: Me, but legend has it the warmech is piloted by it's own AI. The right bolt spell may corrupt it in a way that I could control it but I'm not counting on that.

A23: Ultima, even the warmech would be toast in a matter of seconds if I could cast it. Actually there is one more powerful spell. I thought it to exist only in legend until I died and found hell existed, thus the legend behind hell and must exist. In turn this means that the mythical level 11 spell must also exist. You see my minions, this spell is what the gods have. They can instantly create and destroy reality itself with it. Not to mention do gillions of lesser things with it. However they can also use it to restrct access to it and thus no one who is not a god will ever be able to get it. Because in turn they can us it to stop other from restricting access to it and give themselves infinite use of it these aren't the ones to mess with

Originally Posted by Zoamelgustar

have you ever tried a dragon slave? I mean it must get old just Hadokenning everything. Don't you need a little variety?

A24: Hadoken isn't that fun to begin with, it's use feels pretty good though. I generally just use it for big monsters........and bees(hey their stingers are annoying). For innocent townsfolk I use a variety of things. My favorites are things like slowly casting Fire-1 on someone over and over to slowly dissolve them while they scream for mercy, slicing people's faces off, and that acid fusion zombifying trick. The problem with those is that you can only kill 1 person at a time with them. Other stuff such as casting Water-3 Of the coast of a small island with tourists on it cn also be fun

Originally Posted by Domon

Dear Black Mage:

why do you wear a straw hat or is it straw at all if so why??? and if your hat isnt made of straw then what is it made of?
And what is RM's hat made of?

A25: It's made of the same stuff Matoya's hat is, just a different color.

A26: Soon to be shredded material I hope

Originally Posted by videogamerz2000

Dear mage of the blackest darkness...

how many years does it take to become a servant of the incarnations of evil? I was wondering because I want to release my inner demon and i think that just DMC alone won't help....

A27: It doesn't, all you have to do is ask. If it's the art of casting Black Mahic you want, that took me 6 years if I recall right. But unless you learn it from infanthood you want learn past level 6, level 7 if you study hard enough.

Originally Posted by Jack of Spades

Dear Black Mage.

Why do all mages have to wear a hat or hood? Does casting spells make you so physically unattractive that taking off your hat would cause those nearby to turn to stone?

A28: We don't, we choose to wear it

A29: Hell no it doesn't! Do you think WhiteMage would be the hot babe that she is if it did? Or that every other evil chick would keep picking those dark knights over me if it did?

That's it for the weekend kiddies, continue to ask your questions and I'll answer them on Monday

[Klyco]

Dear Black mage whos heart is the same color as his Magics.

I was wondering. Why do you put up with Theifs contracts anyways? Its not hard to compare the power between a Hadoken and a piece of paper. And his supposed "Xerox' copies, were would he even get a copier if you guys are always together?

And also, how would I go about exacting revenge? Theres this annoying Sophmore in my class that never shuts up and thinks he's perfect. How do I go about lets say desacrating his Chevelle? I was thinking key scratches. What would you do?

From your #1 fan,

Klyco. And ladies, Im single.

[Dragonsbane]

why don't you just use magic to control White Mage's mind and MAKE her admit that she longs for you!!??? Or if she doesn't, couldn't you just make her love you with the same spell?

Of late a certain problem has cropped up. I, an aspiring young Black Mage, was approached by a group of freaky-looking elves (dark skin, white hair, even MORE arrogant then normal elves....definite freaks). The highest-ranking female began babbling about the "glory of Lolth" or some other bullshit, probably in an effort to coerce me into helping her cause......you know how elves are......Anyway, I stabbed her repeatedly, then used my magic to torch the others. I later found out these creatures were called "Drow", and they will probably want revenge, since the one I stabbed to death was a High Priestess. Anyway, what should I do about it?

[PsyBlade]

Dear Black Mage,
I was wondering how I could get my problem of doing the right thing even if I'm playing a videogame to go away?
Name as many ideas as you can think of.

[Dystopian Rhetoric]

Dear Black Mage,

I was wondering how unbelievably moronic it is necessary to be to start a "Ask Black Mage" topic?

[Dragonsbane]

Not nearly as moronic as it is necessary to be in order to ask that question.............