One Man's Chronicle Into Madness

[Seil]

Like if someone made a thread "Twilight is so awesome!!! ZOMG!" then go ahead and diss it to them but this proactive bashing just seems ridiculous to me.
Especially because you can't even use the pretence of pretending to educate someone about Twilight's deficiencies because no twilight fan is going to read it. Threads like this just seem to me basically "Ha ha, I don't read twilight- look at my giant literary wang". Especially with the way it is titled and presented. If one just did a review of Twilight and bashed it, that's fine, but to present it as "I'm going to delve into madness, into the minds of people who enjoy literary bollocks" that's just being arrogant and a dick.

I would agree with you, but Twilight has become a pop-culture phenomenon. It's not just a book that people enjoy, it'd evolved like Star Wars has, with all the merchandise and talk of it making Twilight a household name. You have the people who like it - the thirteen year old girls you mentioned - being transfixed by the strung out stink bomb I mentioned, talking about how they wish he would sneak into their rooms and watch them sleep every night, or something like that. It's not just that I'm actively trying to bash someone's literary tastes; you could bash me for my Seuss/Munsch jones', but I'm trying to prove to a few people, members of my family included, that lusting after an emotionally damaged, confused and quite possible mentally deranged teen is not healthy.

And if you say that's taking it to far, I beg to differ - having barricaded myself in my room during Twilight parties (don't ask) and having to listen to how much certain people want to be Bella and have a boyfriend just like Edward - some of these people aren't even teenagers yet. Heck, Star Wars is better because Leia is a strong, determined woman who takes action. Bella... doesn't.

A teacher's view.
A link in my first link, describing quite a bit of things that would trigger an arrest for Edward based on the Domestic Violence laws.
Someone's mom speaks out for feminism.

It's not just that it's a bad book - heck, you could attack Stephen King and people would defend it less. It's that Twilight has evolved into such a pop culture giant and has influenced countless young, impressionable girls who, though might not grow up to marry a guy who hits them "because [he] loves them," are nevertheless being influences by someone who does exactly that. I'm not saying that I'm striking a blow for feminists and young girls everywhere, I've just grown tired after living with someone who lusted after a teenager eighty years her senior. Justifying my actions with self-righteous feminism works for me here.

And if anyone knows about being an arrogant, overanalysing dick ragging on other people's tastes it's totally me.

True. How often have you bashed something - on this forum, no less - that other people have enjoyed? How often have people attacked Tim Buckley for simply making comics? How about attacking Uwe Boll for making movies? Frank Miller for writing comics? Tucker Carlson for... being Tucker Carlson? Fox News for being a recognized bias news source?

[Bells]

I would agree with you, but Twilight has become a pop-culture phenomenon.

I agree with your overall point, but i would argue that.

You see, Twilight is one of those "Too famous too fast for too little" things. You want a Pop Culture Phenomenon? Harry potter is that. I mean... there is a real life Quidditch cup from crying out loud!

But that took what? 5-6 years to exist? That's evolution. How long has been since Twilight showed up on the radar? 2-3 Years max?

That's not a Phenomenon, that's a Fad. Twilight is a Fad. And it will go away eventually. Because, truth be told, it's author got a lucky break with it... Hell, Star Trek and Star Wars got help from the fact that they were unique and novel on what they did when they were created, but even those took some time to grow to what it is.

I don't mind at all what you're trying to do here, to take a honest Analysis of the damn thing, hell, i watched the Twilight movie just to be sure about how i felt... and i was. I honestly gave it a try and thought it would suck and bomb have it not been overinflated with Hype.

Seriously, Twilight as a movie is in the same shape as Dragonball was. And i Kinda liked Dragonball (in the lowest expectations kinda of way) ...

[Seil]

You can't deny the power that the Twilight has in pop-culture today; all the media coverage, the intense critiques, the over-zealous nature of the fanbase, (or the anti-fanbase) as well as the parodies and references to it in almost everything else.

[Bells]

Actually.... there is an actual Twilight movie parody out there. Is there not?

You should totally do a Review of that with screenshots of it.

If you don't i totally will.


EDIT: Yeah... there is a Parody Book, and a Parody Movie of the Parody Book

http://www.amazon.com/Nightlight-Par.../dp/0307476103

[Seil]

So I guess the best way to do this would be to present a summary and critique on that. Here goes:

The book starts with Isabella Swan (who insists that everyone call her "Bella") leaving Phoenix for Forks - a town in 'the Olympic Peninsula of Northwest Washington State.' Bella's mother, Renee, is fretting as mothers are oft to do when a child travels alone. Bella is less than enthused about leaving, describing Forks as Hell on Earth, and that she'd rather travel anywhere else. Both the girls describe Charlie, Bella's father and Renee's ex-husband negatively.

Upon getting to Forks, Bella is picked up by Charlie who is somewhat unsure of how to act, or what to say, but begins by talking about the car that he got for her, refusing re-reimbursement for it, describing it as a 'welcoming gift.' Bella, unsure of what to expect - but still thinking fairly pessimistically - sees the car in the driveway and is happy with it. She's also happy she doesn't have to start her first day at a new school being driven in her dad's cop car. She is, however, slightly concerned with fitting in at her new school.

The next day, she discovers that her fears are unfounded when she quickly meets some new friends and the admiration of "chess club" Eric and "golden retriever" Mike. A third male admirer joins, Tyler, after he narrowly avoids hitting her with his car in the student parking lot. Narrowly avoided in this case being that a young, perfect boy named Edward Cullen saves her. It's not entirely certain how Edward did it, and Bella did sustain some head trauma, but she's fairly certain that he saved her life.

Edward is a bit of a mystery - he's the adopted son of a well respected doctor, and lives with his other adopted siblings. They always sit together in the cafeteria, but never touch the food they buy. They're well-dressed, and physically attractive - Bella describes one of the girls as "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model" material. However, her attention is drawn more to Edward since he's in a few of her classes. Edward is a bit of a mystery since he's prone to sudden mood swings - when he first meets her, every time he looks at her Edward glares malevolently, tries to change out of the classes he has with her, and skips a week just to avoid her. He comes back though, and begins chatting with Bella, always stating that they should stay away, that he's not the type of person she should be friends with. Bella, however, still has the truck incident on her mind and thinks that there's something strange with Edward.

The three boys - Eric, Mike and Tyler - are all vying for Bella's attention in order to take her to the upcoming school dance - though Bella declines on all fronts, stating that she's headed to Seattle. She is, however, headed to the beach with the boys and their pseudo-girlfriends. Edward manipulates the situation to allow each boy the chance to ask her out, and then offers to drive her to Seattle. Bella, mesmerized by his eyes, accepts. She also starts the disturbing trend of dreaming about him.

----

I could go on about sentence structure and grammar and things that don't make any sense - there's a few sentences. And yes, there is the ""No." I didn't bother to tell him my stomach was full - full of butterflies." So yeah.

There is the issue of Bella, however. Bella describes to Edward that she left Phoenix because it would allow her mother to travel with her new husband, staying with her dad. Far from happy about this, she takes the chance to gripe about everything - having to come to Forks, she didn't get all the clothes she needed for the change in climate, it's always raining or snowing, she's far too uncoordinated for... well, pretty much everything.

Somethings are understandable - Bella is worried about living in a new place and not fitting in at her new school. However, her father - who she only calls "Dad" to his face, buys her a new car, takes the time to wake up early on the first snowfall she has in Forks to put chains on her tires and shows care and worry during the aforementioned truck incident and there's still the impression that Bella secretly dislikes him. She patronizes her mother, and informed Charlie that she meant to keep the truck accident from Renee. Isabella Swan has two loving parents who, though divorced, try to make her happy and safe and all she does is gripe about how loud the engine on her car is, or complain about the weather, or that all the affection from her fellow students is unbearable.

While the Eric thing seems kind of creepy, both Tyler and Mike seem like pretty good guys, unfairly labeled by Bella, who just tunes them out as she's dreaming of Edward. Her friends all begin to pair up with each other, Eric, Mike and Tyler included, though the three guys would probably stick a knife each other if offered a look from her, while her female friends shoot daggers into her back the moment she's noticed by Edward Cullen.

Now, the Cullen clan doesn't really sound that strange - a young doctor and his wife adopt a few kids, they enjoy family activities; Edward it seems is kind of flakey. He's prone to anger, manipulation and sounds far too uncaring. But physically, he's gorgeous - bronze hair, ocher eyes and perfect teeth. Bella has a recurring dream where she's chasing after him but never quite reaching him. School seems to be a breeze for the pair - Bella stating the she was in an advanced course for Biology in Phoenix, and having read most of her assigned English stuff, Edward proving to be adept in the only paired Biology assignment the two had, and later states that sometimes it's healthy to skip.

Bella finds him infuriating, and spends a few sentences wondering whether she should ram his car while stuck behind him - further proving the Bella is much too wrapped up in her own self-importance, angry that someone is challenging her perceived self-image. Bella is somewhat strange, because she's everything that Edward is not - he's visually stunning, she believes herself to be rather plain. He's tall and graceful, Bella trips over her own feet at least once every three pages. Bella seems satisfied with her misery in her "self-imposed Purgatory," (that's Forks, by the way) while Edward seems to laugh at everything she dislikes.

The point I'm trying to make is that Bella is.. well, to keep this PG, an arse. She's constantly complaining despite being well liked, well educated and popular. Edward feels like the guy in class who never had to try, just cruises by on charm - though in this book his family is well-off and he's apparently gorgeous, if not bony. He's got this love-'em-and-leave-'em attitude that makes you want to stay far away. Oh boy - a match made in heaven.

[Premmy]

Summary of this thread:
Forumites: let's rag on this book for the sake of fun!
Smarty: how dare you have fun by making fun of something someone else is having fun with, let those other people have their fun!
Forumites: What about our fun?
Smarty: FUCK your fun!

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Nobody can have fun unless they submit form A27-B in triplicate, at least 2 weeks in advance, making sure to fill out subsections 1, 2 and 24 alongside all subclauses 1, 3 and 4 but not 3, 5 and 6, with a tleast one copy in carbon, one copy electronic and one submitted by post to arrive on the same day as the others are submitted. This will enable you to get a promissary certificate which will allow you to fill out form A27-C in the above fashion to be submitted exactly a week before said fun.
All forms must be countersigned by me or someone acting on my behalf and signature sessions are every second wednesday from 2-3.

[Seil]

Yes sir!

(Next five chapters tomorrow at 5PM)

[MFD]

Sounds like Bella is your typical teenager, really.

[Seil]

Sorry for the no-show today, death in the family.