The Marvelous Misadventures of Asshat! [REBOOT]

[bluestarultor]

Originally Posted by EckScizor

Like Surfing and Flying Pikachu? And Bounce Magikarp (good for getting a free Bounch Gyarados, instead of having to grind BP for it) and Selfdestruct Munchlax and Zen Headbutt Beldum and okay I'll stop now.

But holy shit, Token. I what-the-fucked myself when I saw the twist.

Worthy of M. Night Shamalayn or however its spelled.

More like, "hey, well over half of my Pokedex has come from transfers from the 'walker and they're all WAY better than what I could catch in the wild at the moment." It's actually pretty easy to catch them, too, and level is not a factor. I got two level 8 Onix with a level 6 Pidgey that randomly popped into my Pokewalker when I emptied it.

[Ecks]

Originally Posted by bluestarultor

More like, "hey, well over half of my Pokedex has come from transfers from the 'walker and they're all WAY better than what I could catch in the wild at the moment." It's actually pretty easy to catch them, too, and level is not a factor. I got two level 8 Onix with a level 6 Pidgey that randomly popped into my Pokewalker when I emptied it.

I love when that happens.

I also love carrying Thor (my Zapdos) in my Pokewalker. Dunno why, but something about walking around in public with my Zapdos just feels awesome.

[Token]

Token here. Sorry for the late update. At least it didn't take a few months this time, eh?

So yeah, in case the title of this episode didn't give it away, I'm pretty much doing these first few episodes on fast-forward. I doubt you all want to see me do the exact same battles over again, so until I get back to Ecruteak, I'll only be showing important battles.

EPISODE TWO


WHAT. NO.

UNBE...

UNBE-MEWDAMN-LIEVABLE.

I realize I'm a bad person. It's kind of my thing. Some people cope by hallucinating that their Pokemon talk to them. Others become perverted fucks. I deal with the stress this journey- and these people cause by becoming the biggest douche to ever douche a douche.

I've made orphans cry. I gave a Gym Leader a crushing uncertainty about their own gender. I swear, I urinate on a god's shrine, and I'm generally unpleasant.

But I never did anything. Anything at all. Not a goddamn thing that would warrant Karma sticking me with a goddamn-hippy-ass bean for a starter Pokemon.

Unacceptable.

It's just unacc... what the hell is this?

You think you get to... NO. You don't get to eat. You consume nothing but my disdain until you win me a Gym Badge.

The nerve of that little-Doo-doo-doo-doo!-bastard.

Crackas be triflin'.

And the little shit thinks it's worthy of Leatherhed's name.

Bitch, I had three badges and a team of godless killing machines. If it weren't for that stupid little pixie, I'd be burning Cherrygrove down for being in my way.

I don't even mean in my way to somewhere. This shitty little town is in my way simply because it's in Johto. Fuck Johto.

No. Shut the fuck up and give me the map card I'll never use.

You're welcome. Bitch.

Less talking, more rewarding.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

I seriously can't believe this. A fucking Chikorita.

It makes being sent back in time and having to do this shit over again just a mild inconvenience.

I don't know if I want to live in a world where that's the case.

More (Doo-doo-doo-doo) accurately, I don't know if I want Johto to live in a world where that's the case.

I wonder if there's a word for killing an entire region. "Regicide" sounds nice, but of course it's taken.

Oak, I don't say this nearly enough. Fuck you.

This reminds me I need to hook my Pocket Monster Gear back up to the internet. Damn.

Fan-fucking-tastic. Everyone always does. Or will. They were? Ugh. Stupid time travel tenses.

I know. You accidentally gave me a Chiko-fucking-rita. And now I'm trying to figure out a way to annihilate the entire Johto region.

I've noticed. Damn thing barely beat a level 3 Hoothoot.

Step One: Give me Totodile.
Step Two: Give me a Master Ball or seventy.
Step Three: Point me in the direction of the nearest Celebi.
Step Four: Cut a hole in the bo- WHOOPS. I mean. Commit suicide.
Step Five: ???
Step Six: PROFIT!

Just because I'm going to doesn't mean you shouldn't shut the hell up.

You're even more annoying the second time around.

I wouldn't call it a "Pokemon." Maybe a Magikarp's cancerous testicle.

Are you actually suggesting that I'm not worthy to use a Chikorita?

I... You will know the true meaning of rage.



...

Mother of fuck.

...

Kill you.

Your name is Dicktoe.

You will burn in the everlasting fires of my hatred.

Ugh... My head feels weird...

I heard you're a fag.

I battled a trainer like a fag? Yes. Yes I did.

I think he's taken. Last I checked, his ass seemed to be pretty infatuated with my foot.

Like I said.

Y'know, I want to be surprised. I really do. I shouldn't take it for granted that whatever other gods I've annoyed want to fuck me over. and yet, I do.

I don't know why I even bother anymore.

Leathy.... It's kind of weird not having you by my side. For now, I'll put up with this stupid plant, but as soon as I can, I'll be back for you.

And by "put up with, I mean IGNORE IN FAVOR OF MY NEW GUYS."

Some quick POWERLEVELING later. I boxed Gaga, since she can't learn any actual attacking moves until level 9, and I'm too lazy to bait and switch her for four levels against level 2-4's.

You.

I could leave now. Just walk away. I don't really have any reason to go on this journey anyway. Is it really worth it?

No. I've gone through too much shit to give up now.

Try harder.

I hate you so much that I will defeat you with my Chikorita.

MINIBOSS BATTLE
TokenASSHAT VS ANNOYING STALKER GUY (pre-stalking)

I swear to Arceus, if you lose to The Rat I will feed you to Stabbeak.

In other words: EXTER-MIN-ATE! EXTER-MIN-ATE!

There we go.

You don't deserve any other Pokemon.

For once, I actually agree with you...now I feel dirty.

Taurosshit.

At this point it's not that I'm tough, more that you suck enough to get your ass whipped by a Chikorita.

Wait... He doesn't have it in this timeline! I'm free!

Uh, sorry kid. I don't have a Pocket Monster Gear.

More catching!

Also: Violet City.

Also: Violet City Gym.
BOSS BATTLE!
TokenASSHAT VS EMO BIRD DUDE (again)

Sadly, I can no longer just Rage your Pokemon to death. Instead, I will bury them under rubble.

Oh no, it's super effective!

Haha no. It's okay Pidgey. I'm sure it happens to a lot of gu-ROCK THROW.

Damn straight.

Oh no. It is a Level 9 Pidgeotto. Whatever will I ROCK THROW.

I uh... I don't like this.

Ka-SWITCH.

And that's why Mud Slap sucks.

She stabbed you. With her beak. Hence: Stabbeak.

Doo-doo-doo-doo!

Also: Egg.

And Sprout Tower I guess. Geeze. It's not like I need Flash anyway.

Unless it's Wally West. He's far more awesome than someone dressing in red spandex has any right to be.

I mean, the dude makes clothes out of GOESFAST.

But I digress. My point is...

Violet City is my bitch.

[Grimpond]

Kittan does remind me of a bee now that I think on it. Awesome redux, can't wait for episode 2!

e: ISN'T THAT RIGHT, ZACH?!

[Token]

Edited the second half of the episode into my last post. If I'm going too fast, lemme know.

[DarkDrgon]

im ok with the speed until we get back to where the other one was. then id slow it down a bit

[Dracorion]

Funny how Asshat doesn't realize that he can just walk around Joey.

[Wigmund]

Kinda wish you set it up so that Joey still calls you despite you not giving him your number. Joey could be the only other person that remembers the previous timeline and the differences between the two have driven him insane and he wants to kill the noticeable differences...namely Asshat, so now he could have called (because he remembers it from before) and did his whole "My rattatatata is the bestest!" speil and then slipped into taunts about Leatherhead no longer being a Totodile and so on.

Otherwise, I'm enjoying it and glad you have done the fast forward.

[Token]

Originally Posted by Wigmund

Kinda wish you set it up so that Joey still calls you despite you not giving him your number. Joey could be the only other person that remembers the previous timeline and the differences between the two have driven him insane and he wants to kill the noticeable differences...namely Asshat, so now he could have called (because he remembers it from before) and did his whole "My rattatatata is the bestest!" speil and then slipped into taunts about Leatherhead no longer being a Totodile and so on.

Otherwise, I'm enjoying it and glad you have done the fast forward.

I did actually give him my number offscreen. I wanted it to be a surprise for the next episode.

As for the rest, that would require far too much work on my part. I update late enough without having to go and edit images.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

You named Hoothoot Wol. I love you long time.

Good episode, even if you kinda hard ofn Chikorita (my 'mon of choice in Gen2)