Confess your sins: Horrible things you wrote/drew when you didn't know better

[The Argent Lord]

Ooh, on the topic of awful superheroes, I had one: Super Slime. As in, a slime from the Dragon Quest series. He wore a cape. And cast Megamagic (from Dragon Warrior Monsters) on his enemy, Badslime. Yeah. That was pretty fail.

Also, while it wasn't technically written or drawn, throughout middle school my friends and I would have what we referred to as "drawing battles." Essentially, they were just freeform RPs with a ridiculous level of godmoding. During the day, each person would fill a sheet of looseleaf with drawings of his army. Any given army would consist of ridiculously derivative characters, or characters just blatantly stolen from other media. For example, I had a set of legendary generals, all stolen from various books and games. The only one I remember was Kirby, but I think Kirby being a legendary general speaks for itself. I think the most ridiculously derivative idea I had for it was Drow clone soldiers in Manalorian armor dual-weilding lightsaber-scimitars, and trained on Salusa Secundus.

[CelesJessa]

I made lots of fan comics with my friends when I was younger. One in particular I remember was a Chrono Trigger comic where Marle caught Crono cheating on her with Schala (Crono blamed it on his evil twin Cromos). During her time of grief, Dalton, who was under the effects of brain damage (due to being frozen in ice too long) swooped in and wooed Marle (he also had to use magic dust to do so). They ran off to 1000AD. Crono tries to stop them by jumping in front of the Epoch, but is killed. Then... Icchan from Angelic Layer came and revived him with Pepsi. The crew had to follow and save Marle from being married to Dalton. Afterwords, the lights went out and Lucca was kidnapped by Magus' cronies. Unfortunately they were supposed to kidnap Marle, for Lucca had no value as a hostage. Wacky hijinks ensue.

I'm not making any of this up.


Although it's actually a step up from the Final Fantasy X comic I did in high school...

(and that one was over 100 pages.)

I still do stupid crap all of the time, so the stuff I did as a kid doesn't bother me much.


Writing-wise, I did the stupid fanfictions. I'm kind of glad I lost my old computer's memory so I don't have those old things to look at.

[phil_]

You know, I just dug through my bookmarks, and I have nine more pages of that FFX story from back when I used to go on chat8bit. Guess I never deleted them.

[OctoberRaven]

Originally Posted by Noncontradictory

Never heard of this HERO system. Please expound.

It's an RPG system that, while the core book is large enough to stop small-calibur gunfire (seriously, they did a ballistics test on it), it is literally capable of being utilized to make ANY character you can think of for ANY genre. There's even a book with stats for a nuclear warhead.

[Mirai Gen]

Originally Posted by Harpell

My avatar. I'm going to blame Mirai Gen, since it was technically his idea.

Entirely my fault and yet totally not the image I had in mind.

You and CJ put together your avatar. I had nothing to do with it!

[Satan's Onion]

I wrote Beatles fanfiction. Not fanfiction based on a film or anything like that--just written with the band members as characters (or, rather, characters with their names and faces who almost look like them if you turn your head and squint at them down a long, softly lit hallway). I don't think there are any real Mary Sues in it, but that's only because I wasn't really aiming to OMG have adventures and make out with my favorite Fab. I actually thought I could write something light and farceish with tricksy language, like P.G. Wodehouse or maybe Douglas Adams (only without any fantastical elements. No, all the unrealistic things in that story are just inexplicably unrealistic). Oh, the hubris. It's certainly tricksy, all right. It's all trick, because the characters are all but cardboard cutouts and one at least contradicts her own character just to bring the story to a satisfying some kind of conclusion.

There was also one thing I did that I'm actually kind of happy with, in that I was aiming for "insane and cracked-out fantastic" and managed to hit the mark pretty well. I wrote the whole thing in a fit of giggles and inspiration in one afternoon, and it featured George Harrison's son Dhani (poor bastard, being included in the fantasies of adolescent fangirls with crushes) because I don't think I've ever written anything with a completely original cast. It's not on the interbutts anymore, however, because the Dhani Harrison fansite (yes, they exist) on which it was hosted has long since been taken down.

Since then, I keep getting ideas for fanfiction, but I generally keep them in my head where they won't embarrass me to look at them once I've finished writing them. I have a really hard time looking at things I've written and not wincing for some reason (usually a good one).

[Toastburner B]

When I think back to what I wrote in the 6th grade, two thoughts come to mind:

1) My goodness, it was horrible stuff.
2) If I was in 6th grade nowadays and wrote what I wrote, I would be sent to a shrink or something.

Highlights include a zombie story (I hadn't even seen anything involving zombies and I attempted a zombie story), a quasi-crossover which involved (literally) every superhero/villain I could think of (everything from Superman to the Power Rangers to Godzilla was in there...if only by name) facing off against an army of blob-monsters that I think were inspired from a made-for-TV-movie I caught a glimpse of, and a "mystery" story, with quotations around mystery because the whole thing is solved by horrible amounts of deus ex machina.

And, apparently like others, I wrote/drew my set of comics...not fanfic, though. All original stuff, though with an awful lot of stolen ideas. Started out with a sci-fi comic with a war against a race of space-spiders, all the way down to my later stuff that was mostly giant-monster stuff, 'cause I was going through my Godzilla phase at the time. I'm not sure if I still have it or not...part of me hopes not. The other part of me hopes I do so I can burn it with fire and expunge all evident of my horrible lack of art and writing skills.

Other than that, the only thing I can think of is a story I wrote in 10th grade that starts out good, but I must of run out of time or motivation, because 8 pages of build-up ends in a page and a half of deus ex machina pile-up.

[russianreversal]

Once I was told to tell someone "something special"

This is the (condensed) result:
So there was this one time I went down to the store to buy some milk, only they were OUT of milk (if you can believe that), so I walked back out all in a huff (Huff, Huff, Huff!!) and hopped in my honda, and drove it right through one of those little plastic trash cans they have outside places. All of a sudden, this little Italian guy comes running out of the store shouting "hey! What'ya think ya doing?" And then I remembered this was my good friend Josh's car (because mine was in the shop, of course), so I drove outta there faster than a bat outta hell! When I got home, I walked the block over to UDF and bought 2 gallons of milk for 5$ and wondered why I bothered going to Giant Eagle in the first place. As I was walking back, I tripped on a rock and cut up my arm pretty badly, so when I got home I pulled out my first aid kit, but we were ALL OUT OF BAND-AIDS! O.O ! I drove all the way back down to Giant Eagle, but the guy was waiting out front, so I had to call up a friend (we'll call him "Jay"), and tell him to get over here with a trenchcoat, a trilby, some shades and a fake moustache. After about 10 minutes, I called Jay again, and he said he'd had car troubles and was heading to the local Jiffy Lube to get it fixed. I told him not to, because one time those places ripped me off for an oil change, but he was resolute, so I headed on over there to grab my disguise. When I arrived, Jay was riding out on a tricycle and laughing his head off. I smacked him and made him give me the stuff, then we headed back to the Giant Eagle. The guy gave me a look, but we got in ok. Jay said he had to run over to aisle 12 for some pork rinds (which are gross), so I said I'd meet him at the checkout, but that never happened. As I was considering the merits of a spongebob BAND-AID vs a mario one, the Italian guy came a wheeling round the corner, madder than a Keebler elf demoted to fudge-packer. I knew the game was up then, and high tailed it out of there, the midget in hot pursuit. I had to throw a few shopping carts in his way to stall for time while I got Jay's tricycle out of the driver's seat, but soon we were on our way.

It was later that night when I realized that not only had I left poor Jay at the Giant Eagle, but that there was a hole in my pocket that held my business cards, and I had left poor THEM all over high street. I just hope the Italian didn't notice...

Also, I always take my place names in DnD from somewhere else, as coming up with city names myself is too goddamn hard.

[Loyal]

Way back when Tales of Symphonia was first released, the GameFAQs board for it turned into a little community not unlike what we have set up for the NPF comics thread - Except there was only text, and it was a lot of self-insert ToS fics instead of author-insert fic-fics. They were always centered around a certain unnamed inn, where there was, like in the game, NEVER enough beds to actually house the number of people in the cast. Wacky hijinks and "sexy" slash-fics ensued (naturally a good 25% of these at least included our author characters).

Oh, and of course, there was no shortage of author-powers to go with those author-inserts.

So basically, combine the NPF with ameteur erotica and a-laugh-a-line kind of sketch comedy and you pretty much have what amounts to the start of my "writing career". And the best part is, with a select few exceptions, this applied to everyone involved.

Ah, but it was good times and I still look on it fondly. It's really too bad they set up a social board for the game. Killed that little shindig in a hurry.

[Nique]

So basically, combine the NPF with ameteur erotica and a-laugh-a-line kind of sketch comedy

combine the NPF with ameteur erotica and a-laugh-a-line kind of sketch comedy

combine the NPF with ameteur erotica

Yaaaaarrrggggblelllbbblllhhggglllleee....!!!

Seriously this seems creepy like reading through someone's private dirty chat or something.