NPF Avatars: The Champion of Order

[mauve]

Mauve looked at the city around her.

She looked at the suddenly-safe Kurosen.

She looked at Krylo.

She looked at what was left of her friends.

She nodded. She drew in a breath. She opened her mouth and spoke the three words that entered her newly-reanimated mind.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!"

[Truce]

While Mauve was using her newfound second life to swear like a twelve year old boy trying to sound cool, somewhere an angel was choking on some baby back ribs. A fire angel to be exact.

"That's what you get for talking with your mouth full," Ecurt said, performing a heimlich maneuver on Pyros, who finally coughed up the piece of bone that had been caught in his throat, sending it flying across the plane to smack into the back of Twiddy's head. "Do you even chew?"

And yes, Ecurt was purposefully avoiding thanking Pyros.

[Bailey]

Naymedo left the confines of Mauve's head. Through an odd chain of events, he was once again a ghost, and no longer a being of ultimate reality, but, he still felt that sureness of reality flowing through him, and he knew that if he could just find the right person to possess and enhance, they would be a force to be reckoned with. Perhaps they could even prevent the second attack on the gate of souls, rather than simply defending.

Fortunately, he had time to prepare, but unfortunately, he already knew what was coming that would delay Tyrant's plans, and he couldn't tell anybody about it. Except maybe one...

Naymedo sought out Arhra.

[Mesden]

A force wrapped around Naymedo, some power he couldn't resist. When he became aware of the force, it appeared to be the Ethereal goddess herself clenching around him.

"You. Explain EVERYTHING I'm sensing right now through the gate I made. There's a lot of influence flowing from it and I can't pinpoint everything, as it seems to be in some kind of subsection of spirituality."

At this moment, Mesia could notice how the glow on her hand became brighter, more ethereal and ghostly. She gripped a bit tighter.

"You're going to answer me, too. This gate is the only direct connection from my world to the others and I need answers."

[Bailey]

Naymedo didn't even bother wriggling. "Do you recall the shattering of The Eternal Newb? Now, do you know how Newb became The Eternal Newb? It all goes back to when I used to haunt the cellar in the local inn..."

"...And that's how Tyrant gained control of Newb. Shortly after he used his powers of absorption to go on a massive killing spree and devour a large number of souls. When The Eternal Newb came to attack your gate before, he was hoping to absorb the souls he could find there to increase his power further. Now, however, Tyrant hopes to turn each soul into a physical soldier, creating a massive army. He's delayed though, and that delay is potentially more dangerous than an army of misfits running about. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really must find Arhra."

Naymedo twisted out of her grasp and sped through the air. He called back. "As I explained, I've had a lot of practice at being a soul. I could never hope to harm you without a body, but I think I can manage to continue escaping. I'll come back and help when the time comes."

[PyrosNine]

*cough, Hack!* "No, I don't. Damn, these ribs are so good your body forces you to inhale them!" Pyros lamented. In truth, he talked with a mouth full just to annoy people who couldn't understand what he was saying. Ecurt had apparently been in employment so long he could understand anything that came out of Pyros's mouth.

"Well, as i was saying, Mortals aren't normally allowed here in the Pantheon, especially not on this official god holiday. So you're getting here really puts me out on a limb." Pyros explained as he grabbed more from the table, elbowing out Ares as he reached for the pork.

"You see, in order for you guys to be here, I had to fill out a big golden form and use a few legal technicalities." Pyros took a sip of a chalice full of sundrop and continued.

"It was a particularly fine work, something that puts even Thief's to shame, but eh, I digress. I had to label you guys as acceptable, and you can only be labled so under certain conditions." Pyros slathered some dijion on his chicken, further drawing out his explanation needlessly.

"Y'see, I was able to get Fenris in here by virtue of being a god of hobos, and claiming him to be my human hobo-incarnation. But he should probably keep his head down, because them Norse gods are quick to attack anything that sounds like Fenrir."

"And POS should have been impossible to get in, due to a god-complex the man has about him when it comes to that sagging, pitiful business of his. But fortunately, the High Creator let him in anyway. Some may think this is kindness, but I see it for what it truly is. POS was a bit uppity with his grand highness, and now he seeks to return the favor. I believe you've heard about his giant boots?" Pyros pointed to POS, and the haunting form of the elder god personified into a miserly old man with a giant pair of boots hovering over POS.

"And you, well, you're a special case. Supposedly, I can simply pass you through as my humble servant/slave, but after all the time we've spent together, I find that would be wrong and demeaning. After all we're practically family, right?"

Pyros didn't stop to let Ecurt answer that question. Ecurt suddenly noticed he was wearing a tux, and Pyros was no longer Pyros, but rather Asheth. Asheth in a white dress.

"So uh, just hold this, and wear this, and don't ask too many questions about it, because everything's fine. And I totally, totally didn't just go out of my way to screw you over. Because I'd never do such a thing to purposefully make your life difficult. Ever."

Asheth then shoved a hush puppie into her gob and said no more, as several gods patted Ecurt on the back, and congratulated him. Though, oddly enough
Thor and Poseidon were not among them and giving Ecurt malevolent looks.

[POS Industries]

Pedro glanced upward at the "Geezer-in-Boots" that Pyros had manifested above his head, only to return his gaze to the fire angel a second later. "Being 'uppity' got us some answers," POS shrugged, content that the greater good was at long last being served in some way, "I'd do it again if it meant saving lives."

And, as usual, Pyros was wrong about something. The High Creator had let Pedro into the Pantheon because the man had checked his evil at the door. In a few hours, Pedro O'Sullivan would be returned to his normal demeanor of greed and overall badness, but for now he was the most pure-hearted of any of them.

"Anyway," POS said, getting back to the matter at hand, "It seems that you guys have some godly power boosts waiting for you, as the gods have decided to be quite reasonable. I suppose now would be as good a time as any to dig in and get back to the whole 'saving the world' thing."

[Fenris]

Fenris listened to what Pyros had to say, and decided to busy himself with his meal. He was eating like a madman, having this been his first real meal.

"Pyros, er, Asheth, I owe ya one, man, er, woman, er... pal..."

[The Wizard Who Did It]

And, off to the side of the newly formed NPF, a furious debate was underway…

“Come on man, she’s right over there.”

“But I don’t wanna.”

“Look, she just screamed out obscenities for no apparent reason. Now is the perfect time to ‘talk’ to her.”

“Really, do I have to?”

“Damnit, you haven’t been the same since you were killed in half a second flat.”

“Gee. I wonder why…”

“Don’t be snide with me, you little punk.”

“'Little'? You’re the pansy good goody white mage. It would take me only-”

“Good… good…”

“But I don’t wanna.”

“Damnit! Look, you’ve wanted to this entire night. She’s right over there. Now go over there and annoy her like a man!”

The Light Wizard quickly drew his black spear and swung it towards the Dark Wizard’s head. With a jolt, the Dark Wizard ducked while the lance screamed just above his ear. He then started wandering over to the lonely and confused Mage while picking up his body. He proceeded toward the female mage while the Light Wizard watched with a smirk on his face.

The Dark Wizard moseyed on up to Mauve Mage with a slight slouch and his eyes staring down toward his feet. The Light Wizard had a look of pure glee on his face, wondering what would happen. Right… what am I supposed to say now? Damn, this used to be so easy. Now I can’t do anything… I’m so pathetic. She’s probably wondering what I’m doing here… Probably thinking I’m some kind of freak… Damnit, I need to say something soon. Something… Come on! She was completely useless in that fight, right? Not as useless as I was… She died, right? Not as much as me… She couldn’t think of anything? I just sat there… Come on, I need to say something!

The Dark Wizard looked up. His eyes were glowing, with a fierce look of concentration. Pure force of will and effort was etched on his face, like it was about to take all of his energies to talk. He spoke slowly and clearly, not stumbling over his words although he had no clue what he was going to say, “Hey Mauve… would you like to go to the Archmage Dance with me?”

… Why in the nine hundred or so hells did I just say that?
-----------------------
The Light Wizard’s jaw dropped. He lost his ability to do anything for a few seconds, right before pure anger swept across his face. His hands clenched tightly around his Chaos Lance before he ran it into his forehead. Repeatedly.

… Or it would have been repeatedly if he didn’t have such bad physical defense. Rather, he hit himself once, and was knocked out for a good day or so. About the time it would take for the chaos magic that Rhiya released to wear off.
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With the chaos magic finally worn off, the Wizard was in his original body again. He sat himself down and devoured the feast before him without a seconds delay. Until, of course, the rib smacked him in the back of head, forcing him to eject some of the contents of the meal he had previously been eating. Or, rather, inhaling. It was not unexpected, therefore, that the Wizard suddenly lost his appetite. He took instead to listening to the conversations circulating around the table. Of course, the only real conversation going on was Pyros’ boasting about how he got them into the Pantheon in the first place. However, he found that he was unmentioned. Curiosity beckoned him, and without much delay he asked conversationally,

“And how did you get me in here?”

[PyrosNine]

Asheth patted Fenris on the back. "Yes, Yes, I know you do. But don't worry. You don't owe as much as you think. In fact, you've just repaid me." She patted him with a firm rubbing motion yet again, to make sure the "PyrosNine's homemade Plushies" advertisement stuck to his back good. You got advertisement where you could, and mobile advertisement was even better. When people threw sandwiches and rocks at this hobo, they'd also get a good idea of what kind of plushie to get.

<He ain't my incarnation, but he IS my walking advertisement. And in a few weeks, I can have him walk around in a plushie costume!>

Originally Posted by The Wizard Who Did It

“And how did you get me in here?”

Asheth looked down at Twiddy. "...Heh. Ha. Heh-heh. HA! HAHA! BWAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHA, AHAHAHAHABWAHAHHAAHAHa!" Asheth laughed a dark and scary laugh, as if there was a big joke no one else knew but her.

"Oh, Twiddy dear, don't you know that as the wizard who did it, you have an honorary god status? Believe it or not, the widespread believe in a wizard that did it is almost like a religion. So, you're allowed in on the High Creator's rules. And since this is your first visit to the pantheon, there's a custom and tradition we have to uphold for you."

Twiddy found himself surroudned by a throng of goddesses and nymphs, each more fair than the last. But before he could even smile at this, they all pulled out giant wooden paddles.

"Custom is to spank you for how many believers you have, but don't worry, you won't end up like L. Ron Hubbard. I managed to convince them to take off the spikes."

One of the goddesses did a practice swing and made a gust of wind so powerful it made a tornado that began destroying the party until a few other gods took care of it.