In need of jokes.

[Roy_D_Mylote]

Why do they only eat one egg for breakfast in France? Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

The joke depends on pronunciation, and the listener knowing French. So maybe not for everyone.

[GARUD]

A man of high wealth is stitting in his office, when he decides to call his wife. After a few rings the phone is answered by a strange female voice.

"Who is this? I don't recognize your voice."
"Oh, I'm the maid, I was hired today."
"Oh, thats okay. It's the man of the house here, can you please put my wife on?"
"Umm... she just went upstairs with a man I thought was her husband."
"That... THAT CHEATING BITCH!"
"So what do I do?"
"Do you want to make a quick 500k?"
"Sure."
"My gun is in the third draw, to the left of where you are standing. Kill them and come back to me."

After a few screams, the maid comes back.

"There wasn't a gun, but I used a knife I found. What do I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the pool."
"What pool?"
"The pool, outside."
"Sir, there is no pool outside. There isnt even a backyard."
"... I think I have the wrong number."

[Igbutton]

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar.

When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.

[CrazyBen]

So this old priest, who had lived a very pious life, is dying. He asks that two lawyers from his congregation sit on either side of his bed in his last hour of life. The lawyers are honored, but after awhile one of the lawyers asks the priest why he wanted them to sit with him. The priest says "I've always tried to live my life like Jesus did. And now I want to die like him, in between two thieves."

[Torque]

What do you call a bunch of Lepers in a pool? - Soup

Why was the Leper Hockey game called off? - There was a Face Off in the Corner. (I love that one)

[Flarecobra]

Well, so far the golfing Jesus and Moses joke went over the best...

[Qizx2]

Here's another one.
A leperchaun was walking through the forest when suddenly a golf ball smacks him in the head knocking him to the ground. He's stunned for a while and expects someone to come and claim the ball, and per the rules, get three wishes from the leperchaun. No one comes to the leperchaun starts to panic, if he does not grant the person three wished he will lose his powers. So he grants the guy wealth, a good golf game, and a good sex life. The next year he finally sees the guy and goes up and asks him how he's doing. The guy replies, well, I've got a few million in the bank since winning the lottery last year and I've been on four pro tours with golf since. The leperchaun than asks him about his sex life, the guy replies about two or three times a week. The leperchaun is confused and asks him why it's so few only to get a reply of "Well, I think it's pretty good for a priest."

[Mad Jack the Pirate]

why are there no black people on dune?


because to avoid sandworms, one must walk without rhythm.

[Pip Boy]

Originally Posted by Mirai Gen

Jesus and Moses are out golfing with a third guy. Jesus tees off and whacks it hard enough to send it right onto the green. Moses walks up, tees off as well, and it sails right past it into the brush.

Third golfer goes up. He nails it, and it ricochets off a tree, flying up into the air where it bounces off a rock. From there, it ricochets off another tree, sailing straight upwards. It nails onto a plane flying overhead, bouncing down, hitting the side of the Empire State Building, falls into a sewer drain, bounces inside, shoots out of a lake near the golfing course and plunks right into the hole.

Moses turns to Jesus. "Man, I hate playing with your dad."

-----

Moses and Jesus are out golfing again. Jesus tees off and it sails right over, plunking into the water.

Moses parts the water, and Jesus goes over and gets his golf ball.
"You need to hit it around," Moses tells him.
"Hey," Jesus says, putting up his hand. "If Jack Nicklaus can do it, I can do it."

He tees off again, but it plunks into the water.

"You need to hit it around, you can't make it," Moses says, and again parts the water so Jesus can go get his ball. "And I won't do this a third time."
"If Jack Nicklaus can do it, I can do it," Jesus says again.
Jesus again tees off, and it hits the water. Moses refuses to part the water again, so Jesus heads off and starts walking on water to go get it.

Across the way, some other golfers look over. "Hah!" one shouts. "Look at that guy trying to walk on water! He must think he's Jesus!"
"Nah," Moses shouts back. "He thinks he's Jack Nicklaus."

----

I've been trying to make up more Jesus and Moses go golfing jokes, but I've just got the two.

Moses and Jesus were out golfing with a friend on a particularly tough course. Jesus went first, and hit the ball into a water hazard. It was no real problem, he just walked on the water, reached down, and pulled out the ball. Moses's turn came, and he hit the ball into the same water hazard. He had no problem either, he just parted the water and hit the ball again. The third player stepped up to hit, and knocked it into the same pond. But after that, a fish ate the ball, and jumped out of the water where a hawk grabbed it. The hawk began flying off, and carried the fish over the course where the fish spit out the ball so it landed in the hole.

Moses and Jesus both said "God, stop cheating!"

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A rabbi is walking down a road, and sees a troll on top of a hill. Small gnome like creatures called Trids are running up the hill trying to take it back from the Troll, but the Troll keeps kicking them down whenever they get close. The Rabbi decides to step in and says "Hey, Troll, why don't you try and kick ME down that hill?".

The troll, who sees that the Rabbi looks considerably strong says...
"Silly Rabbi, Kicks are for Trids"