NPF Avatars 5 - Burning Down The House

[mauve]

"I hate it when people take the handicapped parking spaces when they don't have a permit!!" grumbled Mauve, eying the sleigh with a death-glare. "Even if he is Santa, he shouldn't do that!"

She reached into her pocket and pulled out her car keys. While the reindeer were busy with Keydog and the random fish, Mauve snuck up behind the sleigh and keyed the paint job on the back. That'll teach Santa a thing or two. Jerk.

She snuck back to the rest of the group and followed them into the office building.

[TheBlindMime]

"-Or else!" The fourth and somewhat orange Wizzle declared doing his best to appear as if he belonged. Though the multiple incarnations of all Newb's gear was somewhat unsettling to him, how could Wizzle and Keydog have the items at the same time? TB-Mizzle, as they called him on the streets, was very confused. But an overwhelming urge was setting in, an urge he could not contain, nor repress.

"Did you say... power level..... gk....eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" The sound he made was similar to a tea kettle's whistle but somehow it sounded forlorn. If a man damning himself for a joke could be a noise, it was the noise he made.

TB-Mizzle began to shake, sweat and convulse, smoke slowly billowed out of his clothes and his eyes rolled back into his head. The smoke enveloped him, it smelled of cinnamon and doodie. Thats right, cinnamon doodie. Then every forumite who was present witnessed this.

Afterward a final burst of smoke TBM reappeared katana in hand, swinging it wildly back and forth. "And no one will be taking my balls! They are not inert! I didn't leave them in my other pants! No touchy! Unless its Mauve, then maybe and never with her stabbing knife."

[Nikose Tyris]

Nikose stepped through the portal, and saw Santa's sleigh. "That, which is rightfully mine, shall be taken later." He said with a nod.

[Flarecobra]

Originally Posted by PyrosNine

"Ha! Triple parked in Handicapped parking? That means he's triply handicapped, or he WILL BE! Am I rite?" Pyros lamely joked as he sharpened his blade in anticipation.

"Well guys, I don't know what sort of powers an evil Alternate Santa would have, but I think a good heads up would be to avoid anything white and red. Including Santa, cuz I'm gonna go all out on his ass and damn the forumite who gets in front of a flame cannon. But that said, much love and hugs, and I hope a good 45% of you survive."

"What about if said forumite is healed by fire?" I prodded Pyros a bit with an armored elbow. I just checkled when back on the set of JAQ, he was surprised that all of his fire attacks were worthless agenst me, plus he had that one weakness that all males have: A squishy croach.

[PyrosNine]

"That's when I pull out my my crazyness, Mrs. Cobra, and few have ever been healed by that." Pyros was aware of her immunity to his attacks, and of his gender-specific weakness. However, this in itself was only a temporary one for Pyros, and in the end it was Cendy who was the worst off in that department, despite the knight frequently wearing a cup.

"Also, it comes to mind that at some point in time previous, there was a giant wall. And this wall happened to be made of fire. Impenetrable fire. Even to the likes of you. And then, in some time previous yet after that previous previous, the wall went away. Furthermore, that wall was my wall. Any chance you'd know where it went? Or who did it? And why?" Pyros asked Flare, the JAQ auditions being a reference of memory for the fire angel.

[Flarecobra]

"Ever heard of special effects? The fire was computer-generated, and the wall itself was plexiglas that was knocked over by Inbred." I said, glancing back over my shoulder at him.

[PyrosNine]

"That's what Rick WANTED you to think, the man's been taking shortcuts in production since day ONE! Most monsters just happen to be innocent creatures he's sic'ed you on! And ever notice when you did a recut, it was a different monster? Cuz the first one was DEAD! 'Do their own stunts' my ass!"
Pyros fumed as he stepped into the main building, ignoring all and anything that awaited him within.

In fact, he continued on walking and talking, blindlessly ahead.
"And it was already bad enough that he filmed and put the JAQ auditions themselves as episodes, because you could clearly see how horrible I looked without my make up! Makes me wish I didn't bother to watch or buy his stuff on DVD! Speaking of which, better send a pre-order for the next one..."

[POS Industries]

And so fate chose this moment to immediately interrupt the NPFers progress into the building with a backwards flying K36, who had gone on ahead a moment before, as he soared just a couple inches of Mauve's head and buttscrapped across the pavement of the parking lot.

In his arms was a Covenant grunt plush toy, with a sparkling silver bow tied around its neck.

From whence he came appeared Father Christmas himself out of the shadows, the sheer bulk of him forcing the NPFers to back away out the door as he marched outside, the powder-blue eyes atop his rosy cheeks locked on a singular target.

"HO HO HO!! Merry... Well, Merry August, Pyros Nine!" Santa bellowed, the stern look on his face betraying the jolliness in his voice, "Bring out Asheth. First and foremost, she must face ju--"

"Hiya, Santa! It sure is nice to see you out and about in these summer months, but I'm kinda sorta feeling like you're in the way, so.... DOOM CANNON!!"

Rei, obviously a bit impatient at the moment, had already charged up a large sum of electromagnetic energy around herself and fired the massive wave in the direction of Santa, who merely reared back, clenching his gloved fist behind him before punching the beam dead on. For a split second, the colliding forces seemed frozen in time, until suddenly Santa's red and white coat tore away from his torso in shreds as he seemed to flex every muscle in his body before the beam exploded around him.

As the dust settled, Santa remained standing, a toboggan-capped, white bearded head atop of massive, Atlas-like tower of rippling muscle, an aura red and green sparkles dancing magically about him.

"I won't ask again," Ol' Saint Nick smiled as the music started to kick in, "Bring me Asheth. Now."

[PyrosNine]

"Hot damn son! That fool's been taking STEROIDS! He's all ripped up in his grill! Now he's all up my grill, shovin that christmas non-cheer! Wassup with that? And Asheth, do I look like her PIMP? She come's when she gets here, fo'real."
A very bling-blinged out Pyros responded to Evil Alternate Santa, wearing gold and silver studded pokeballs and a backwards Kanto cap (for ol' skool).

"But fine then. I have decided you ain't worthy of Pyros's almighty flaming pimp hand, so I'll play ball and have Asheth get to steppin! Asheth, b*ch, I choose you!"

He hurled a ruby and diamond pokeball at the floor in front of him, from which Asheth popped out, livid at both her loss of Snookums and everything Pyros said before her arrival.

"Well, I never! Except maybe for that one time in Detroit. BUT STILL!" Asheth growled, and sauntered up to face her opponent. "So, SATANTA! You apparently didn't learn enough from our previous encounters. And so you got ripped, turned uber-evil, and are the next big baddy to fight us after a super bio-necro-prinny-rakhasa that had parenting issues."

Asheth put on her armbands, and as she focused her magics, they began to spin, and likewise she rose above the ground. Of course, she looked a bit different, When Pyros before went 'super' (mo like supa-crazy!) his other forms did as well. There was more faux armor on her body now, all in the shape of a heart, right down to her heart earrings and her heart sunglasses.

"Santa, in the name of all that is Good and stuff, I will punish you! IS THAT OKAY?"

[Arhra]

Arhra One did not point out to Flare that 'chan' was a gender neutral suffix used to indicate affection, for to do that would be continuing a conversation that by this point would have already happened and so she'd have to finish it backwards in time. She felt enough mean things already had been done to time today.

Saint Nick had appeared and been attacked. Arhra had not even had the time to say "Oh boy, it's Santa!", eyes glittering with joy at the sight. Another regret she would carry with her.

She puffed on her pipe. Arhra had not been involved in the battle at the North Pole and she was reluctant to attack Santa, Annual Gifts Man, that spreader of Christmas cheer. It appeared she would have to choose the lesser of two naughty actions.

Resolute, she donned a tricorn hat.

"Launch the Pyrocon!" she commanded.

"Aye, aye Captain!" Arhras Two and Four said.

"That's Admiral Arhra to you!"

"PYROCON LAUNCH!" the pair of Arhras shouted, seizing Pyros and hurling him into the fray.

"I don't suppose we could leave Asheth and Pyros with you and go on to save Pedro and presumably the world?" Arhra One asked Santa hopefully.

* * *

Where was Five you ask? She hadn't left the O'Sullivan Tower yet. While not many people had seemed interested in her revelation, Arhra hadn't let Shadowflare slide out of the spotlight, literally or metaphorically.

The shadowy, silent interloper cornered (again both literally and metaphorically), Arhra was watching her intently, eyes open for any funny business. She also was barraging Shadowflare with questions.

"Who the hell are you? Why are you here? Why do you look like Flare? Why are you so shadowy? Should I call you 'Flair'? Why have you been randomly attacking people? Yeah, I saw you. Why are you sneaking around? Are you a clone? Some sort of bizarro world doppelganger? A long lost twin? Flair? Flair?!"

It was possible Arhra was trying to annoy her to death.

OOC: FLAAAAIIIIIIRRRRRR!!!