05-28-2012, 09:04 PM | #51 |
Birdy Bard
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Japanland
Posts: 501
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Few more edits in his backstory, trying to make the difference between "Charismatic" and "Nice" more clear. Changed Publicity club to Veterinary Club.
Also Ophiuchus is...just the most logical choice for him. Its been debated as the thirteenth zodiac for quite a long time so it would be the easiest to potentially bring into Astrology.
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05-28-2012, 10:05 PM | #52 |
Just sleeping
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Teal, I've been wondering about something, and I hope you could address it in your next long explanatory post. The only parts of magical society you've described are those dedicated to either educating people in magic or hiding the fact that magic exists. There must be some instance where magic is acceptable to use other than to hide that magic exists. I suppose reading the RP might shed some light on where magic is actually allowed to be used, but a quick primer on the magical economy would be appreciated. Or, like, any reason a human might want to learn to use magic, since all I'm getting is "The only legal use for magic is suppressing magic." Oh, and "If you've sorta figured out magic, but not quite, ninja wizards are going to burn your house down and kill your family."
Short version: Can one make a living on magic? Or could one ever, historically?
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Be T-Rexcellent to each other, tako.
Last edited by phil_; 05-29-2012 at 10:37 AM. |
05-30-2012, 04:24 AM | #53 | |
Swallow and Roll Out!
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It's... not too late for me to write something up and join.... is it? I finally managed to get through all those blocks of text, and this game looks fun.
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05-30-2012, 11:18 AM | #54 |
Political Studies Student
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Sign-ups are open until I say they're not!
And they're still open. Feel free to submit a character, Rhiya. I apologize for the delay in the thread again! Something came up on the pad which required my attention these past few days. Will try to reply to the updates either tonight or tomorrow, as my energy allows.
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I'm always available to chat on AIM and Skype/MSN, so if you've like to speak further with me about anything I say, or just address something to me personally, feel free to add me. I welcome such conversations. Also obligatory signature! Last edited by Teal Mage; 05-30-2012 at 11:29 AM. |
05-30-2012, 11:22 PM | #55 | |
Swallow and Roll Out!
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Really hope this fits into one post....
MEGA-EDIT: yeah, got a lot of feedback from the EduPad. Here's the revised version for you, Teal!
Name: Emme Horton Race: Human - awakened Gender: Female Aura: ??? (blue?) Age: 18 Appearance: Emme stands an unassuming height of 5’5”, with long, straight brown hair that is normally fixed up into a neat, braided bun. Her features are cute, but easily overlooked due to a humbled posture she continuously affects. The only remarkable feature about her is her vivid emerald eyes, which sometimes almost burn (non-magically, of course) with unstoppable determination. Emme dresses conservatively, in dull colours that aim at preventing her from standing out too much. Despite some practicality issues, Emme prefers long skirts over pants, but has an array of both. Spells: Illusion – Inconspicoius Maid (Blue Elemental) – Small will-drain, very subtle. As a maid, Emme is taught to go about her job as inconspicuously as possible. With this minor illusion spell, Emme is able to do just that – blend into the background so as to be overlooked by many. It’s great at avoiding unnecessary confrontations, but doesn’t work at all should she get into a fight. Mode-Shift – Quiet Determination (??? Elemental) – When a task really needs to get done, Emme may infuse her body with Will to get it done. This power is able to slightly heighten her reflex and physical capabilities, granting her an improved clarity as well as improved physical prowess. With this, she is able to speed up her task completions. Like all Mode-shift powers, this ability is very draining, and unable to be maintained for long periods of time. In combat, Quiet Determination gives her a slight edge as it enhances her ability to react as well as fight. Summon – Extra Hand (??? Elemental) - Sometimes, a maid must multitask in order to accomplish her tasks. Emma is able to summon a ghostly hand with poltergeist-like qualities. Specifically, it is capable of accomplishing menial tasks close to her vicinity if she herself has her hands full. Extra Hand is pre-programmed, meaning Emme must know what the hand needs to do before she summons the hand to do it. Once the task is finished, the hand vanishes. Extra Hand is similar to the DnD version Mage-Hand in that it can affect up to 5lb worth of stuff. However, its duration is dependent on how much Will she needed to maintain it for the extent of its task completion. Flash Move -Maid’s Step (??? Elemental) – A maid must be where she is needed! Functions exactly like Flash Move. Enchantment – Broomstick Defence (??? Elemental) – Emme is trained to defend her Master/Mistress equivalent to a bodyguard. As such, she must be able to fight with whatever she has on hand – normally (and a lot more effectively) a broom or a mop. She is able to extend her Will on brooms and mops (as well as quarterstaffs) and harden/improve them so that they are lighter, can hit harder, and withstand more vicious attacks when blocking. Attention to Detail (Perception surge) (??? elemental) - it’s the little things that matter! Emme was taught this little trick in her advanced maid training with her mother. It allows her to take a step back and observe at a heightened sight level a room and its state of cleanliness. Well, this was its original intent, but her mother had already hinted to her that Attention to detail doesn’t only apply to anything specific she might’ve missed in a room (a slightly askew picture frame, maybe the specks of dirt she missed on the windowsill, or the imperfectly-tucked bedsheet, for example), but also in paying attention and anticipating the needs of her Master/Mistress by surging and reading the nuances in their body movements. In combat, her Attention to Detail gives her brief flashes of insight into her opponent’s fighting style – that is, if she’s seen them before, and if she has, she is able to slightly anticipate what they’d do next. Otherwise she still gets the crap beaten out of her. Often times she might use this ability while others fight to garner some insight into their fighting styles. Bio: Emme Horton came from a line of elite butler-esque awakened lineage linked to the E.S.A. called the Elite Maids service (Sister organization to the Superior Butler Brethrens). They ply their trade mainly as ‘servants’ but also as bodyguards/overseers of E.S.A. officials and their households. Emme herself is training to be in the employ of a high ranking – and also wealthy – household of one of the E.S.A. Witch leaders (in succession to her mother’s role), and from an early age applied herself in all she needed to know in the mundane tasks of Maidship. She held her future employment in high regard, and her mother led her in her applications (both in magic-useage once she had been awakened, to the simple tasks of running a household, as well as some very simple combat skills necessary for bodyguarding). As one of the final training courses in order to become a fully-recognised member of the Elite Maids organization, all applicants must enrol and spend a minimum of one to two years at the Amaranth Institute for the Gifted. One further year may be allowed, should a maid show potential after surviving the two. Any candidates that had completed their studies at Amaranth Institute are then allowed to fully complete their training and step into their employment. As such, Emme’s time has come for her final trials. Clubs: Home ec Strolling Cultural Meditation Notes: Elite Maid association – an organization that is linked to the E.S.A. specializes in not only training bodyguards for the higher members in the organizations comprising E.S.A., but also making them useful (ie: running a household fully independent of the head of the House.). Sister association to the male equivalent Brethren of Butlers (really need to get better names for them) Quarterstaff Proficiency – Emme is trained in the use of quarterstaffs and bo-staffs, due to their similarity with the most common of household equipment such as the broom and mop. However, she’s a lot better at using a broom or mop. Language Proficiency – Emme is multilingual. Aside from the normal English, she is able to speak, read and write in French, Italian, and German. She can speak (but not write) Mandarin, and is learning how to read and write chinese. Maid Proficiency - pretty self-explanatory. Emme is almost at the peak of her maid training, and is very damned good at her job. She's better especially with the help of her specialized spells. Relationships: Anna Horton – Head Maid in the employ of one of the more elite Houses of an Esteemed E.S.A organization. Emme’s loving mother, mentor, trainer. Husband deceased. Anna greatly influenced Emme’s own personal decision from a very early age to aspire to become what her mother was – a greatly respected Elite Maid at the top of her employment. In between Anna’s busy schedule as Head Maid running the Master’s house, and Emme’s own training, they still manage to take some time out to call each other over phone or the internet to chat and catch up. Anna plays mentor and loved mother to her daughter, but is not one to ‘clean up’, pun not intended, what mess Emme gets herself into, holding to the idea her daughter is old enough to handle whatever is thrown at her already Catherine Flemington – Fellow first year student and apprentice Witch with a penchant for enchantments. 17 years old, bright, bubbly, flamboyant, and Emme’s best friend since childhood, they share a dorm room with each other, as well as a less-pleasant girl Verna. Catherine is one of Emme’s continuous assessment tasks in her Maid training – a task that had to be modified slightly due to school restrictions, but nonetheless Emme compensates for it quite well. Catherine is the typical blonde-haired, blue-eyed pretty face, and always very enthusiastic about everything. She shares Emme’s determination in her studies, and has also signed up for the Cheerleading Club. Jennifer Nikolai – Fellow first year student, actually friend of Catherine Flemington, but also knows Emme by proxy. She’s very private and conservative. Secretly, she admires Emme’s efficiency and dedication to her tasks. She’s a proficient martial weapons apprentice, and interested as well in the crafting of the same sort. Jennifer is brown-haired, brown eyed, with a lean build. She shares the cultural club with Emme. They have a friendly – yet competitive – rivalry going on between them. Verna Lehy – Fellow first year student and Emme’s roommate. Verna is a bit of a bully, bossy, loud, and an attention-getter. When she found out her roommate was to be a Royal Maid in training, Verna took every opportunity to take advantage of Emme’s hard working abilities, from dumping piles of dirty laundry on Emme’s bed to be washed, to leaving books, clothes, and food scraps everywhere for Emme to clean up. It irritates Verna to no end that Emme takes to her new cleaning tasks without a single word of complaint or deathly glare, rather handling everything in simple humility. She is very pretty, with a mane of beautiful fiery red hair, almond-shaped eyes with red pupils, and just the right amount of freckling sprinkled across her pale cheeks.
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Last edited by Rhiya Ravenwing; 05-31-2012 at 05:04 AM. |
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05-31-2012, 02:10 PM | #56 |
Broken McWoodsie
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Fully Retracted.
Last edited by Lillium; 06-30-2012 at 07:23 AM. |
06-01-2012, 04:45 AM | #57 | ||||||
Political Studies Student
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More Reviews.
Alright, time for more reviews. I will begin by saying, as much as I would like to put Rhiya and Lillium's submissions into this review, I don't believe I can manage that tonight. I'll tackle them when I'm fresh tomorrow. New characters are more difficult to review than old ones, so it may take me a while to finish me them anyway. Lot of things to weigh, and attempting to do so at 4:45 am after close to 10 hours of reviewing is not wise or fair.
So, in rough chronological order, here's what I have managed. Relm, I am pleased to see you have been behaving yourself on the pad recently. However, I need to inform you that I have not forgotten your decision to add Gary Marshalls (one of Gemine's NPCs) to Alice Marshall's NPCs - without informing me. This addition will not be permitted. If I allowed it, Alice's backstory would cease to be acceptable. Oh, and while I have your attention? Gary's last name is different from Samuel's. This is balantly something you added on. Therefore, I am issuing your first and only warning. As GM, any additions to approved character backstories must be run by me first. If I do not approve something, it does not exist. If you somehow slip something past me, this only means I will be very mad when I discover it. I am likely to reject it on principle at this point – and may expel you from the game. Fortunately, taking the fact that this was likely an unthinking mistake on your part into account, I feel a strong warning is sufficient – for the moment. Step out of line like this again, or cause additional drama on the pad (as you have in the past) and I will expel you. Now then, let us discuss your character and spells. I will start with a few miscellaneous comments: First, Samuel Marshall has used magic to extend his life. This makes him a Non-Human. His race should be Ascended Human. On an entirely different note, Capoeria really isn't Dance-Fighting. It's a kick-heavy Brazilian Martial-Art which uses music in its exercises and drills – but it really is not ‘Dance-Fighting.' I would recommend saying that she fights like a dancer and putting her in the Dance and/or Gymnastics club instead of Capoeria. Moving onto spells. Your Sigil concept is confused. Right now, it's classified as Wizardry. For that to work, Alice needs to draw a sigil, then enchant it with a spell-circle. Frankly, the spell circle does all the work and the sigil itself is unnecessary – and a bad idea. A millimeter's difference in the thickness or length of the lines (of the Sigil, I mean) would cause the enchantment to fail. You can either drop the Sigil part of this entirely or make Alice an Old Magic user. Old Magic users need to create physical things, like Sigils, for their magic to work. It fits the concept mildly better. However, it is ultimately your decision. Alice can be a Wizard without Sigils, or an Old Magic User with them. Decide. That said, I'm able to discuss some specific aspects of your proposed spells. Most will be revisited after you decide if Alice uses Old Magic or Wizardry, but this set has been waiting for review for a while, so. Inkfingers is excessive for a Wizard and impossible for an Old Magic User (humans can not secrete ink from their fingers). Drop the spell and use a marker instead. You can enchant the marker if you desire, but I think that would be excessive. Rejuvenation Sigil does too much. Presently, it increases a target's natural regeneration rate, forcibly awakens an unconscious individual, increases their physical energy regeneration-rate and strengthens their resistance to mundane desires. These are different effects. Select one. Knowledge Sigil can only be applied to a single object at a time. The enchanted object glows, though only the sensitive will notice this without actively searching for it. Null Star Sigil will not be Grade 2. It can either reduce the Power rating of everyone within its area of influence (to cause large spells to hurt them too) or dampen all external magical effects within its area of influence. Alice is not immune to its effects. The specifics of how to set this spell up will vary heavily depending on her discipline, but I may entertain allowing this to be a Compound Spell, for viability reasons. That will be discussed later. Keep The Rhythm is too adaptable. Rejected. A mode-shift for grace or fluidity, or a Flash Action for specific actions may be more suitable. Skeletal Flux this ability does two things. It may either reinforce Alice's condition to that of a 'fit' individual, or she may use it to consume Will in order to keep going after her body should not be able to. If you're wondering, the latter option would not allow her to continue after being mortally wounded for long – the Will drain would be massive. * * * Red Mage Black, two points. First, are you changing your backstory or not? You need to tell me if Nasir still (essentially) walked from the Middle East to Amaranth for two years, or took a plane and got there a lot faster. This will affect my review of his powers. Quote:
You should also consider what hobbies Nasir may have had. So, would you please tell me a bit about all that? Combinations of those backgrounds also work. Regardless, whatever he was training for should be reflected in his current spell set, journey or no. I actually have some reviews of his spell set written up, but since all of them feature a comment about how 'his background and training may affect whether or not this is appropriate,' I think it would be premature to discuss them until you clarify these points. Please do. Also put up a fully updated bio. Everything you've done is piecemeal to date. * * * Quote:
As it stands, his parents have set-up an elaborate (and expensive) charade for…what purpose? Are his instructors supposed to be private tutors? I suppose it's logical enough that his parents want his education to be the best money can buy. But, the stuff you highlighted him learning doesn't make a lot of sense for someone who, presumably, will inherit a company. The parts that sound particularly out-of-left-field are the comments about him getting gun training, learning about royalty and (for no apparent reason!) getting an illegal hand-gun at the age of sixteen. In short, clarify whether these lessons are home-schooling or he's also being sent to a normal/private school. Additionally, explain why his parents are springing for 'special' lessons in the first place. Oh, and cut the parts about guns and royals from his special training, please. He's getting enough handed to him on a silver platter (also there's really no reason to learn about royals in this day and age) without adding that stuff. If you want him to have a gun-hobby, have him start going (of his own volition) to the local gun-club when it would be legal. I don't have an issue with him being taken under some War Veteran (or that James Walker guy's) wing by chance, while practicing his marksmanship. This also makes getting a handgun for a present logical - he'd need to be a serious gun-hobbyist to justify that. Regarding the Desert Eagle specifically. I don't know if this weapon is outright illegal in the United States or just illegal for a sixteen year-old to have. Frankly, I don't care. What I do need to state is that, if the Desert Eagle is supposed to have some kind of special feature (say, reduced recoil, or armor piercing shots or a special lens) you need to tell me so. This may take up a spell slot. If you do not, it will be treated as any other gun in this setting. Also, you'll be limited to a set number of bullets – probably one full round normally (seven, I believe, is the number listed for his specific model). Spare rounds are permissible if your character is prepared for a confrontation, but please note that loading isn't a free action. Spells can be discussed later. Oh, and I haven't seen you on the pad for a while. Are you sure you have time/are committed to this game? Right now, spotty attendance isn't going to kill you, but once the game begins you need to keep up with the thread, post consistently (and meaningfully) or this isn't going to work. * * * Quote:
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Regarding your remaining prospective spell-slots. Tell me which of his four clubs Ben would focus on most and I'll suggest a few things. I should note that the Veterinary club requires you to raise a pet while you're in it, so he probably got a snake from them. Additionally, Writing club requires you to write a blog, if either of these details help. Ah, actually. He's probably picked this trick up from Meditation. Calm Down – Black Elemental. Crazy mysticism or not, the Meditation club's breathing exercises work wonders. By focusing on a particular breathing pattern and willing himself to calm down, Ben is able to invoke a supernatural sense of calm on himself. This technique actually triggers a Mode-Shift, which remains active until the user stops the breathing pattern. Celestial Intuition still activates in combination with this ability. I suppose a different breathing technique could be appropriate, but this seemed simple and useful, so I thought I'd offer it. Right, that'll be it for me. Like I said, Rhiya and Lillium will be reviewed tomorrow. I may end up editing this post to add them in – will send PMs to notify you when I put something up, so don't worry about missing it. Edit: Aw damnit, I forgot to answer _phil's question. Sorry. I'll get to it tomorrow.
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I'm always available to chat on AIM and Skype/MSN, so if you've like to speak further with me about anything I say, or just address something to me personally, feel free to add me. I welcome such conversations. Also obligatory signature! Last edited by Teal Mage; 06-01-2012 at 03:15 PM. |
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06-01-2012, 10:36 AM | #58 | |
Swallow and Roll Out!
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It's all good. You pointing out the Extra Hand spell will make me have a more detailed look at it myself before you get to it. There's some other stuff involving Emme's background that probably needs a lot of tweaking. I await your review patiently!
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06-01-2012, 10:01 PM | #59 |
Who am I again?
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 595
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Putting information for her up here for review, both info on spell comments, and fleshing out a couple other details.
On the sigils ((Considering that the effect of being able to place a spell onto an object and the activation aren't tied to sigils, I'm fine with getting rid of the complexity. And wizardry seems to fit more all things considered.)) Inkfingers ((Works, dropping.)) Rejuvenation Sigil ((Targets regeneration rate and physical energy rate are the two effects I would want of those described. So I could either separate it into two spells, make this a grade 2 spell with both, or discard one. But I'm not sure which of these options I want yet, and considering you said we'd visit these spells in more detail later I'll hold on my choice for the moment.)) Knowledge Sigil ((Works for me.)) Null Star Sigil ((Dampening all external magical effects around the object takes priority. Especially since this would probably make it compatible with Skeletal Flux if flux is internal and hopefully avoid the complications of needing a compound spell.)) Keep The Rhythm ((Fine, might be reworked later into something such as these.)) Skeletal Flux ((Augmenting her current physical status and being able to do extreme physical things works more along what I had in mind, rather than actually moving her body past when it can no longer move.)) Clubs Everyone told me Capoeria was dance-fighting. I just imagined her doing something with listening to music a lot of the time. Probably switching Strolling out for Gymnastics though both to fit with the dance theme, and because the more I think about it everything that fits about strolling probably fits better with gymnastics. Fleshing out Fighting Style Her preferred style of fighting at melee is Capoeira, with spells augments herself and dampens the magic of the opponent. Her preferred style of fighting at a range is with grenade like thrown projectiles. Mainly for when subtelty isn't as much of an issue as outright stopping somebody. I don't suspect that grenades will be available to any degree though, so the most I expect this to come into play in-rp is being able to throw small round things accurately, or maybe chucking rocks at people. New Spell To Arms Summons dexterous and firm battle gauntlets/boots onto her limbs. These are nimble but hard, and are able to withstand blows about as well as any other metal weapon. Last edited by Relm Zephyrous; 06-01-2012 at 10:31 PM. |
06-02-2012, 09:57 PM | #60 |
Lakitu
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,648
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Here's the final version of Naomi unless I missed something stupid.
Name: Naomi Disponette
Race: Human Gender: Female Aura: Age: 18 Appearance: She stands at 6 feet tall with a fit, slim build. Her hair is long, flowing and blonde, and her eyes are blue. She appears to have German and Welsch heritage in her facial shaping. Her standard fashion is usually tank-tops with elaborate fractal patterns, grey or navy-blue khakis and black tennis shoes. Spells: Shatter Strike, Blue Elemental: Naomi charges up a projectile of raw force and fires it at the target. If the target is designated before firing, then the projectile will attempt to home in on it to increase the chance of actually hitting. Grade 2. Surprise Strength, Yellow Elemental: Naomi uses her magic to increase her experiments with human strength by briefly punching really hard. Strength Surge, Grade 1 power. Electronic Override, Blue Elemental: Naomi has learned to be able to use magic to turn on/off simple electronic devices without needing access to the key/lever/switch. Requires physical contact with the device in question. Regeneration Focus, Yellow Elemental: Naomi clears her mind and focuses her magic into regenerating her wounds faster. She is unable to use other spells while in this state. Mostly seals minor wounds and stops bleeding for short term, but more serious wounds should get an actual doctor. Bio: Naomi grew up in the Pacific Northwest of the United States (mainly Washington), raised by her parents who were both reputable and responsible members of the Wizard's Guild. To their dismay, Naomi's black magic was problematic, especially in the field of making stuff break, and began to worry their local section of the Wizard's Guild. Not wanting to risk an Enforcer coming in to "take away" their daughter, they decided to awaken her at age 14 so that she could have a chance to control her powers. They homeschooled her for the next two years until they were sure she wouldn't be a problem in the public, also during this time teaching her to fight with whatever she could reach or unarmed as a form of non-magical defense, before letting her go back into public schooling. Her transition into public school went smoothly through graduation. Her interests developed toward athletics and technology, partially intrigued about how both could work with well with magic, though she didn't shirk on practicing unarmed combat. She immediately applied to Amaranth post-graduation, hoping to learn more about the body and machines to see if there was some direction she could take to utilize those (with or without magic) to better the world. Clubs: Fitness Veterinary Computers Meditation Relationships: William Disponette: Naomi's father and respectable Wizard, William is a role model for Naomi, always being calm, collected and having no negative record criminally nor with the Masquerade. He currently lives in Spokane with Naomi's mother,holding influence in the Wizard's Guild for that area and working with Marina at the bakery. Despite his stoic nature, he cares greatly for his family and is proud that Naomi managed to get into Amaranth. Marina Disponette: Naomi's mother who is more amiable than William and runs a bakery. Cares for her family greatly and always does her best to send homemade cookies when Naomi's away. Holds just as high of a standing in the Wizard's Guild as William. Ayumi Fosburgh: One of Naomi's roommates, she's a shorter girl with black hair and a similar build to Neoma and the same age. Ayumi is an Awakened martial artist from Japan who was enrolled here after her instructor advised that it would be beneficial for her to train abroad. Her interests generally fall into the outdoors and into mastering her own body, so she can probably be found at related clubs. She is generally stoic and not easily surprised by her environment, but will relax around her friends. She regularly spars with Naomi so they both maintain their training. (Would like to see her in the Fitness Club and maybe MMA) Karen Smith: Naomi's other roommate. Karen is a half-djinni from the Arabic community in New York City. She came to the college to learn to become a master chemist. She often practices various forms of meditation, since while she has decent control over her powers she wants to be able to master herself. Karen and Naomi get along well, though Karen is not as dedicated as Naomi is to hand-to-hand combat. (Would like to see her in the Meditation Club with Naomi) |
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