Beachside Story, Chapter I: You savvy, mate?

[Girasol of Chaos]

Riley observed the events from her perch. Well, it seems that things were getting taken care of. What a pleasant surprise. Switching the safety on the shotgun, she ejects the unused shells and pockets them.

She did keep a sharp eye on the 'gardener' though from her perch. The red court was highly suspicious of most of the individuals here, but any connections to the were-panther mafia were at the top of her list at this point.

She'll just have to return the shotgun later. For now, she'd simply keep watch. She makes to follow her target and jumps into another palm tree. What she doesn't have in stealth she hopes to make up for in sheer speed.

[mauve]

"Did... he just say lunch was on the house?" Jimmy asked Kug. Crazed alien lady or not, a free meal was a free meal. "Because I am totally okay with accepting food as a reward for whatever it is we're being rewarded for." Usually rewards translated to "probably won't kill you; will just throw you into more dangerous situations with slightly better gear" in Jimmy's experience.

The group which had congregated on the beach was slowly dispersing to various points across the island. The lizard-thing had made a bee-line back to the shade of the trees, the scurvy-infested alien lady was being directed to the land of wardrobe changes and hygiene, the horned-headed kid with the shotgun seemed to have wandered off somewhere, and now Telm was going back to his administrative duties, or whatever it was he did. That left the barbarian, the disease-monger, Jimmy and a few others on the beach.

"Soooo," Jimmy started awkwardly, holstering his blaster rifle. "What should we do now?" Jimmy was better at following orders than developing plans of his own.

[PyrosNine]

<Pyros would like to apologize for a week's absence from RP, being busy with things like "mouse hunting", "long napping" and "Autodesk Maya", on top of just receiving "Dark Souls". Furthermore as he is also attempting to blaze through Saints Rows 2, Pyros does not have enough time to properly write this post in a timely manner at this time.

In an act of good faith, this post has instead been outsourced and will be written by Latina Boss of the Saints, who has free time and some keyboard experience after she was nixed from Saints Row 4, having been replaced with some french b*TCH and Nolan F^(king North. We apologize in advance for any confusion and bold sentences in Spanish that may occur.>

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The NINJA (dat's right you putas, she's a F***ING NINJA) wearing a badass scarf because mufflers are that shit that my cousin Chewie puts on the back of cars. I dunno about clothes, ask that white bread Boss that got to be the president.

Anyway, what was I writing about? Oh. Oohhh, right, I'm writing about a ninja, and this Ninja chick, who like, knows kung fu (Pierce shut the f*** up, Karate/Kungfu, all that wa-cha and kiyaing shit is the same, I don't get called a gunsmen and some other name for gunsman if I'm shooting guns in China and Korea, do I? Do I? Actually, have that looked up. Might be good if I go overseas.) and that punk cabron just decided to wait until she was all messed up from scurvy to make her his bitch. But she was a smart chica, una tigre peligrosa, and before long she would be running this show. Might as well make use of his crib and wear his clothes and let him act all surprised when he comes home and she's in his chair wearing his slippers and smoking his cigar.

She said something in japanese, I dunno, let me google translate some shit.
"Watashi wa kanf? o shitte iruto watashi wa anata no subete no tawagoto o tatakidasu yo ninja senshidesuga, ima no watashi ga toru mae ni, ipp? de, yoriyoi buki ya kenk? e no saisei no tame ni shiharau tame ni okane o eru tame ni kimy?na shigoto to fushigi o okonau hitsuy? ga Anata no subete no garakuta o panchiautomisshon."

Some weird shit like that. I dunno, I went to college for a degree in urban planning and not communicacion!

And so she ran off doing ninja stuff but y'know, she was pretty tired and all so she got in that bath the guy mentioned. Not a big deal, just took a bath, I don't need to tell you about how she did it or how it looked, pervertido.

After she was done, she went and put on some clothes, and they were some lame ass cartoon show stuff, like, if you were a random pedestrian girl in japan or just some girl or creepy crossdresser chico like at that Nobody Loves Me store, that kind of skirt and blouse. "Sailor" something. More Popeye than real sailors, actualmente.

So, now that she's dressed she's supposed to be doing some waitress work, so she leaps out of the bathroom all dressed and runs over to the mission marker for the waitressing job, and hits E, and gets prepared to do the damn job at least 6 or so times until she gets enough scratch and respect to stop doing it and never do it again.

But wait, never mind, she goes and hits up that Kug guy, whatever, and asks him for that drink stuff because she's still feeling all shit from not drinking her orange juice and/or being attacked by a chupacabra or something- she's like a demon girl, right? A demon ninja? Is SHE a chupacabra? Are there any goats nearby? I mean, guess she's whatever I say she is, Soy el Jefe, but am I really gonna say she's there to scare all the little girls and boys? Well, she's gonna scare'em all right, but that's just because she's a sexy and dangerous demon ninja girl.

"Thank you for your help, friend barbarian person! It was much appreciated by me, a demon ninja girl, and not an alien like some idiota pendejo might think, I got papers for this country and those papers are green with George Washington on them, and I thank you for doin' shit for me in this fantasy place full of magical people! I think you and I are going to get along in a friendly and supportive manner!"

Mierda, this dialog shit is hard! How do people do this. Its like, words don't come out of my mouth like this, but how do I get it onto paper?

"So you give me that weird bottle of whatever and I will probably f*** up una poco de mierda when you need me to, si?"

Also, because that little 48 respect points pollito was talkin' shit, the ninja demon girl kicks a nearby flower pot to show him who is the boss, and that is her. Soy la mejor! Er, Ella es la mejor, she's the...whatever I'm gonna go ride my bike, I think I'm done here.

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< This has been an outsourced post to a third party. This is the end of that post. Hopefully things went well and there was more than just "And then she killed them all with guns, the end." If not, next post will hopefully be of a higher quality, and enjoyable to everyone.>

[Intern Nin]

"So you give me that weird bottle of whatever and I will probably f*** up una poco de mierda when you need me to, si?"

“Uh, si- yes, sounds like a fair trade to Kug” said the aforementioned (by himself) barbarian as he handed her the bottle. “Always good to have Shadoweye as… canica… de alabastro? Well, drink in good health, Muffler L-er, Salud, Muffler Dama.”

Way to embarrass Kug’s self, Kug!, thought Kug. Kug make note, Kug need to re-enroll in Spanish and actually finish this time. It’s never too late to go back to school. But wait, did Shadoweyes always talk like this? Kug could have sworn Muffler Dama was struggling to communicate in plain English a few minutes ago. Eh, best that Kug not to think too deeply about that.

Telm said some things and Kug zoned in and out of the speech, mostly because he was preoccupied by the thought of continuing his long abandoned education, which then led to memories of career counselors, and then the revelation that ingots/shards of metal were probably not going to be an accepted form of currency any more. Then the words “lunch” and “on the house” were uttered. That was all that was needed to be heard.

"Did... he just say lunch was on the house?” said the Armored Man (also known as Jimmy). "Because I am totally okay with accepting food as a reward for whatever it is we're being rewarded for."

“Kug heard the words. Words cannot be taken back now.” Kug turned his gaze back to the sniveling barman. Not Telm, the one who was too afraid to tell a loopy mutant turtle that he can’t sleep on the counter. “Bring Kug all the meat and fruit, Small Dude. Preferably, anything that isn’t Eck meat or Lemt fruit. And beer. American beer.”

While most of the party was preoccupied with Telm interaction and the promise of a free lunch, the reptilian was trying to run off to look at some flowers. This would simply not do. With his boarder-house reach, Kug plucked Gleek up just as he was about to reach the door and go into full scamper.

“Flowers can wait, Yappy Dog-alligator-man. Come, take advantage of hospitality and eat till full with rest of party. Kug insist.”

Kug pulled a children’s high-chair up to a table and sat the totally not suspicious kobold atop of it. Kug took a seat in an adults chair and ducked down just in time to avoid the flower pot that Senna kick-launched. The flower pot exploded on a support beam, just barely missing Johnny’s head. The kid shakily continued walking over to the table, sat a bottle of beer down next to Kug, and then walked off somewhere out of sight to get the food or to cry or something.

"Soooo," Jimmy started awkwardly, holstering his blaster rifle. "What should we do now?"

“Hmm, Armor Man makes good point. Kug need to figure Kug’s next move.” He popped off the bottle-cap with his thumb.

“Kug could put learning proper Spanish on fire-pit farthest from the front and try to look for way back to Bogusoom. But things there were not going to well for Kug at the moment. Too many of Kug’s allies dead or turned evil or married to elephant-headed off-worlder. Kug’s last attempt at ruling was a disaster as well. (Princesses should tell Kug that they turn into giant snake to copulate before they marry Kug.) Also, Kug still doesn’t know how the explosions transport Kug from place to place. For now, Kug think that Kug could try to make a living here, until something blows up and Kug leaves again. Perhaps find someone needing services of unstoppable warrior-slash-master pizza artisan.”

Kug took a swallow of his Bubweiser and made an ick-face.

“…This is beer? Tastes like watery Eck urine.” He shrugged his shoulders, brought the bottle’s bottom up, and quaffed like a champion. “Still better than most Rivot drinks.”

[Shyria Dracnoir]

While most of the party was preoccupied with Telm interaction and the promise of a free lunch, the reptilian was trying to run off to look at some flowers. This would simply not do. With his boarder-house reach, Kug plucked Gleek up just as he was about to reach the door and go into full scamper.

“Flowers can wait, Yappy Dog-alligator-man. Come, take advantage of hospitality and eat till full with rest of party. Kug insist.”

Kug pulled a children’s high-chair up to a table and sat the totally not suspicious kobold atop of it. Kug took a seat in an adults chair and ducked down just in time to avoid the flower pot that Senna kick-launched.

Damnation. On the one hand, Gleek wanted nothing more than to drop off the radar and get back to the comfort of lurking, especially since this meant potentially spending more time in Scurvy-lady's crosshairs. On the other, the walking tower of meat calling itself "Kug" had proven a useful ally of convenience once already; best not to squander a potential opportunity.

Gleek squirmed to adjust himself in the high chair, noticing that their table had been joined by the nondescript pink biped in the futuristic body armor. Time to mine for information.

"You have no other plans, yes? Perhaps you plan to try luck at Carnival, eh?"

[Intern Nin]

"You have no other plans, yes? Perhaps you plan to try luck at Carnival, eh?"

"Hmm," Kug tossed the empty beer bottle into the trash-bin on the other side of the room. "That sounds like the sort of distraction Kug need after several weeks of disappointment and conflagration. Yes, Kug like Yappy Alligator-dog-man's suggestion. How do Armor-man and Muffler-dama feel about it?"

Kug looked down at bare table in front of him and started to scowl.

"Kug ordered food three minutes ago." He said in a surprisingly low voice. "Why is there still no food in front of Kug?"

[PyrosNine]

Senna was of the opinion that she was the "muffler-dama". These islanders were not likely people who dealt with poisons often, and thus probably mistook her poison-gas proof facemask that conveniently also looked like a scarf or something as some kind of primitive fashion element.

There was also the failure of food...and there was some guy at the kitchen door looking at Senna as if he wanted her to do something. She wasn't sure what entirely was going on, especially having a random bout of hispanic mannerisms, but she stood by everything she said earlier- and she pocketed the greasy "potion" for later, because while she had quaffed many a colored brew, this garlic smelling concoction was not an appetizing color. But she did realize she was wearing some sort of servant outfit aside from still wearing her face mask.

...This was some sort of "tavern", and thus this place served food and beverage. And she was meant to work off her damages, however entirely not her fault they were given the circumstances, and she was dressed for some kind of work....

"Kuso."

She walked off behind the bar and into the kitchen, where the cooking staff wordlessly pointed at the food and drink as if she was some sort of amateur who didn't know what she was doing even on her first day of work. They were lucky she did not kill them all where they stood with nothing their kitchen stools.

She picked up all four trays at once, just to spite them, holding one to a hand, another on her head, and the last on a incredibly flexible leg. She made her way back to the bar using only the locomotive power of her biggest and second biggest toes, and laid down each tray before the armored man, Kug, and the 45 experience points, giving them no look, a tiefling smile, and the eye of the hawk respectively.

The food was a mixed lunch platter, because nobody had ordered anything specific, and mostly had typical surf fare, grilled sliced potatoes called "chips", and cheaply caught fish fried in batter, and some odd bubbling brew that did not smell of alcohol.

Senna felt the gaze of the kitchen staff once again, and flash stepped back into that kitchen, ready to maim, and returned from the kitchen with napkins.

These people would learn what type of person Senna was- and she was no man's idle servant! She was more of a killing servant. A punching servant. A punching killing servant. Sometimes she used ladders too. It was a ninja's duty to serve, and sometimes food, but only if it was poisoned food. Or it was another ninja, disguised as food. Which was kind of like poisoning when you got down to it.

Senna took for herself a small canned container from below the bar that read "Orange Juice" and hoped in whatever backwoods island this was, that it wasn't just describing the general color of the juice. With a quick twist of her wrist, she ripped the lid and it's easy pop open tab straight off, and sipped some sweet, sweet vitamin C.

Things were low, but it was a starting point for them to get better.

[mauve]

"A carnival?" Armor-man considered this. Just because he was in hiding from an evil space army didn't mean he couldn't enjoy himself, right? He secretly hoped they'd have one of those little fishing games with the plastic ducks in a kiddie pool.

"Yeah, sure, why not?" he said. "I'm here, I might as well check it out." Yeah, play it cool, Jimmy.

The alien lady returned with their free lunch. Ah, good. Jimmy was never sure about trying food from planets he wasn't familiar with, but the stuff on the plate looked deep-fried, which was a good sign no matter what galaxy you were from. He still didn't trust the waitress, but free food was free food. Things were looking up!