NPF Avatars 5 - The Universe, Breaking Us Down

[The Kneumatic Pnight]

Alarms claxoned and claxons alarmed: everything seemed to be going wrong. Admittedly, this wasn't the most unexpected outcome of KP getting involved with things, but he'd been playing poker up 'till now. And this was particularly more wrong than normal.

Seriously, what the hell?

“What's going on here?” KP demanded of the soldiering body, as he strode into the purple and blue, fleshly room.

“We’ve got severe temporal and dimensional distortions. Propagating.”

“SPARKY!”

“No, the localized source is extra-dimensional. They’re coming from the POS Industries experiment, near as I can tell.” KP fell silent for a moment, then slammed his hand down on the comm button.

“What’s happening down there?”

------------------------------------------

Renée was still reeling from the effects of whatever temporal journey she just hadn’t made, but her older counterpart was more adept. Technically, she was more used to this than younger Renée. She stood, her can firmly in hand, and she incanted something swiftly and softly. Renée could hardly sense the words in the brief moment they existed, but what she could feel of them was broad and rumbling.

It reverberated within Renée’s very bones. In a moment, a mere second, the words were gone, but a new rumbling filled the air—consumed it: a massive explosion.

Older Renée swept her cane wide and, from nowhere, a flurry of somber, white petals erupted. Despite, well frankly the nature of petals, the barrier held staunchly against the explosion. A wave of ethereal energy soon hit, and the petals, mysteriously held, fluttered, and, finally, shattered into a flood of ephemeral, stony apparitions that soon dissolved. The wave had passed—the barrier had held... but just barely.

Renée was in awe. “What was that?”

“Earth spirits,” Old Renée answered tersely.

“Answer me!” KP roared.

“Uhh...” Renée began, “We hit a little snag where the time-space continuum sort of collapsed in on itself.”

“...”

“A pair of temporally coexistent chaos beasts interfaced with an area of slow-time to tear the universe a new one,” Renée explained.

“I swear to God, this is the most annoying thing that’s ever happened.”

“What about that time you accidentally made an infinite number of unstable alternate timelines branch off from that one dimension, until they all started failing and ate one another in a spectacular, fiery, apocalyptic implosion of doom?” KP sank into the big, black leather chair in the middle of the room and rubbed his temples slowly.

“Fine...” he conceded, with a sigh.

“Because I think that’s what happened here, too.” KP lifted a hand to object, or... something, but froze mid-gesticulation and hung there for several moments.

Finally, he dropped his head and cupped his face in his hands. “I take it back. I don’t want to know what’s happening. I order you to untell me everything you just told me.”

“Uhh... Arhiyarararararara ate itself and then exploded. Also, I made a new friend... er...”

“Call me Kamen,” older Renée answered.

“...right, Kamen. From out of nowhere.”

“Oh, well then, that’s all good news, then,” KP said stiffly, then he stood and strode from the Edelweiss bridge with eerie calm.

“Sir, where...”

“I’m leaving.”

“But... we may very well be facing Armageddon.”

“This Armageddon is far too irritating. Come get me for the next one. I’ll be in the tub.”

From the periphery of the room, the delicate form of Gabriel stood and moved quietly and smoothly to the center. He pushed his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. “Sparky, I want you down there to fix that distortion.”

“Ready!” Sparky yelled, with a mock salute.

“SepT?”

“I can’t get a fix on anything in there. The space is so jumbled up I may end up spreading him over several miles,” a buglike avatar of the Edelweiss reponded.

“I’d prefer to avoid that,” Sparky cut in.

“Is there anything you can do.”

“Short of flying the Rig-Jarl in there and killing us all, no. Without a beacon in there to know where I’m pointing, I can’t get anything through in one piece... and we don’t have anything like that in there.”

Gabriel was still. “Yes, we do. Has the autocannon fired?”

“It has,” another insectoid confirmed.

“So we beam him into a three inch diameter space. Wonderful, I’ll start now!”

“Sparky, we need a custom shell that can store and reconstitute SepT beams.”

“Not even I can do that, no matter how godlike I may be,” Sparky responded. “...buuuut, I think I can suspend a reconstituting beam in there with a Spiker Array and the SepT buffer.”

“Do it,” Gabriel ordered with a nod in his usual, soft voice, and Sparky ran off to parts unknown. Well, unknown to you guys. Because you’re stupid. “You have five minutes.”

“Lookit me go!”

...stupid!

------------------------------------------

“So, now what?” Renée asked.

“I thought you knew,” Kamen answered.

“Based on what?” Kamen shrugged and gave her cane a little spin. She spoke a word, under which other words scratched out a harsh whisper—rejecting, in their own essence, even the vivaciousness of a yell. They were unintelligible, but the word above was obvious in its Japanese attack-move-esque manner.

“Ghostwood!” The wood of her staff changed from jet black to a pale ash-white in an instant. And, though it was still clearly smooth and perfect, it looked twisted, crooked, and spindly at the same time: like a burned, dead tree in the night, surrounded by the sulfurous fumes of its own death. The ghostwood was jarring by its very nature, but it had a purpose: attacking the soul.

Then, Kamen charged Mesden, swinging the cane like a saber.

[Arhra]

"Oh, dammit Arhra, I liked this shell." Mesden said with exasperation, having been riddled with plasma from Arhra's rifle fire.

"I'm sorry." Arhra replied, speaking with sincerity. She hadn't stopped shooting.

It took a bewildered, upset and masculine Rhiya to stop her. The first thing Arhra knew was when a heavy weight hit her from behind, jarring the weapon out of her hands. Her assailant then started sobbing uncontrollably and holding her in a bearhug, gasping out broken statements about gender confusion.

Arhra, newfound wings engaging in lovecraftian gyrations in reaction to her mood, twisted and looked at Rhiyan. Some of the pieces clicked together. "That would be due to the fact you are currently a man." she said in response to Rhiyan's query. "Uhh... there, there." she said, patting the former woman on the shoulder awkwardly.

"As for the how, it would appear we've somehow ended up with switched powers." Arhra continued, "I know my style of reincarnation when I see it. With that all cleared up, would you stop crushing me?!" It wasn't exactly comfortable being over-hugged like that.

* * *

In the Kurosen Tower, the Marmalade in pitched battle with the NPFers and Sith doing his best to microwave the critter, Arhra regarded the seething mass of magic she had been conjuring up and still had no idea of what to do with. On the plus side, here seemed safe for now.

Looking around the room, Arhra made her decision, "I'm sure there is something useful I could do with this magic," she declared, hefting the clotted streams of chaotic energy. "But I have no idea of what is going on any more. As such, I am going to eat it instead."

And then she did.

* * *

"Uh... excuse me?" Kayessa asked Phoenix. The android had become rather lost and ended up at the base of the Kurosen Tower. The technomancer was still waiting outside it, at the bus stop. Naturally, wanting to ask for directions, Kayessa had gone to the only person around. "I'm new here and fairly lost. This is the Kurosen Tower, isn't it?"

While Phoenix would have no way of knowing who the short, robotic redhead accosting her was, Kayessa recognised the technomancer from her resemblance to Phoenixbot. On closer inspection the nigh identical facial structure and significant correlation in build signified a near unity probability of this being Phoenix.

Kayessa tilted her head quizically as she realised this, a very Arhra-esque motion, "I'm sorry, but are you Phoenix? I am Kayessa. Arhra constructed me today." Considering Arhra was not the most tech-savvy of the NPFer's, being more one to meddle in esoteric magic and unspeakable things, this undoubtedly would come as a surprise to Phoenix. "She's gone missing," the android continued, "but she said she intended to introduce me to yourself and Phoenixbot. I don't suppose you'd have any idea on her whereabouts?"

* * *

An alternate Pyros talked with Phoenixbot, the robotic magical girl now dressed in a mundane school uniform. This world was endangered he said, the place teteering on the verge of collapse. He pointed at the patchwork sky, cobbled together views into other worlds, as a sign of just how unstable this reality was.

The fact they were in a cave made it all the more alarming. The fact that thunder then crashed and something fell out of the broken sky was therefore doubly alarming.

A feathery ball landed at Phoenixbot's feet. It squirmed and the feathered wings parted, revealing the undeniably cute form of a tiny, two headed dragon. She even had a ribbon around each neck. It was the magical guide Phoenixbot had thought had abandoned her, gone forever.

The little dragon looked up at her. "We.. we missed you." the heads chirruped together. It was the kind of scene to make the whole world go "Awwwwwwww".

[TheBlindMime]

TBMoichi was leaning against the wall where Narc had left him a few moments ago, that crazy narc always grabbing people out of the way of danger. TBMoichi was listening to the disgusting and wholly disturbing sounds of people eating a giant marmalade creature all the while yo-yo-ing his iron yo-yo which spun in a frenzy of colors and sparks that TBMoich was not privileged enough to see. As he is blind.

"And me without a spoon..." He lamented.

[POS Industries]

Rei floated within the gooey interior of Marmalade as the monster attempted to devour her, a futile effort given that the jam cells were designed to dissolve and absorb organic materials, which the android was most certainly not.

The cotton and wool fibers in her clothing were, however, and it was quite apparent that this whole ordeal had successfully ruined a perfectly good suit.

No matter, though, as she was finally getting a chance to rest and recharge her power cells as the ooze ineffectually assaulted her. Look out through the translucent liquid, Rei detected the attacks on Marmalde by the other NPFers, appreciating the fact that the enemy had provided a safe enough insulation while the group wore it down. Sadly, though, it seemed time was up on that protection as Marmalade began to boil around her from Sith's microwave attack.

Rei's on electromagnetic energy began to crackle about her within the sticky jam, forming into a forcefield around her that pushed Marmalade outward from inside, before the shield itself suddenly burst in a flash of light, exploding out from the monster and covering everyone outside with burning slime.

"Heya peeps! Thanks for the breather! Well, I mean, except I didn't really breathe in there, but you know what I mean," Rei greeted the rest happily as she landed back on solid ground before taking a look at the mess around her. Walls, floors, ceilings, and NPFers alike were dripping with the remains of Marmalde, whereas very little remained on the android herself after the explosion.

"Er... Any of you think to bring a towel?"

------------------------------------------------------------

"Vile pests! The nerve of such..... COME OUT SO I CAN KILL YOU!!"

The beastial prinny overlord burst from beneath the seawater that was quickly filling the wreckage of Poseidon's palace, set on ripping Renee and Arhriyara asunder for their wanton display of disrespect toward him and his newly acquired kingdom.

"Oh, yeah, they already took off," the rakshasa informed him as she floated casually, "A shame, too. The took out my whole new army. So much for that world domination plan. Guess I'll just go back to working for Twinkle. Bleh."

"Your army?! I'll have you know that most of those were originally mine!"

"Oh, psh. I didn't see your name on them, penguin-boy..."

"WHAT... DID... YOU... JUST... CALL... ME?!"

About three seconds later, the rakshasa found herself being driven through the nearest three walls behind her, the massive claw of William the Underwater Overlord attempting to crush her head in his palm. Almost immediately, the claws released her as Willy reared back, howling in pain as the rakshasa's Withering Blade sliced into his gut.

His scream was so loud that it obscured the metallic click of Bruticus' pistol as he cocked his weapon and took aim at the two monsters.

"Hmm..... Let's not interrupt them, Bruticus," The Capitalist intervened, looking down at the drenched shoes, socks, and cuffs of his pantlegs as the seawater poured out through the hole in the wall, flooding the darkened hallway of the old Mashirosen Tower around them, "It would be more wise to leave them alone for the time being until we're absolutely sure what deeds are afoot here..."

------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, now, don't do tha--Wait! You can't do that, it'll.... Aw, man, that's just cheating! Quit it!"

Tuning out the apparently endless whining of the Doukhobor hologram behind him, Pedro rapidly worked to regain as much control of the reality bubble system as he could, if for no other reason than to open as stable a portal from the outside as possible. Suddenly, white light crackled before him, a hyperlink portal bursting into existence and rewarding him for his effort.

POS breathed a relieved sigh, not noticing the control room door sliding open on the far end of the chamber, allowing an assassin to charge in, dagger drawn and ready to be brought down firmly in his back.

"What the--WHOA!" the hologram behind him gasped as the girl passed ineffectually through him on her path toward her target.

Duck!

Reflexively dodging to his right, the blade of the assailant's dagger grazed Pedro's left arm before slicing into the control console, a mild electric shock passing through the knife into the girl's body, disorienting her momentarily.

Coming about, POS swung Anima, who had taken on the form of a large club, at the woman, sending her tumbling forward into the portal, itself beginning to look rather unstable.

"Pe-chan, the hyperlink portal is already beginning to collapse," the disembodied voice of the Rei AI exclaimed, "the hackers are already working to disable it. It's only got a few seconds!"

Only one way to go now, eh tiger?

"Right, got it," Pedro nodded. The control terminal was destroyed and without it, he couldn't do anything more from the outside. Taking a running start, he leaped through the gateway as it faded into nothingness, reaching the other side as it closed shut behind him.

Rising to his feet, POS looked about at the chaos around him inside Santa's wrecked workshop. It appeared that the NPF's finest were in top form here. A wide variety of corpses were strewn about, Mesden and Arhra were battling to the death, Renee had turned into an elderly, tuxedo-clad masked stranger, Rhiya was now a dude, Raiden was being wailed on by a tree-wielding steroidal troll, and IC and Spider-Bear were swinging into the room with near perfect timing, accompanied by.... another Arhra?

"Um, yeah... Hi," Pedro greeted the others, "Whenever you're done being completely batshit insane, I'll just be over here. Oh, also, hi Flare... I guess."

------------------------------------------------------------

On the far end of the room from which the NPFers had entered, a numbered sign lit up, the displayed digits decreasing steadily as the elevator descended toward their floor. Stopping at the number three, a light chime sounded and the doors rolled open.

A large being, perhaps about twelve feet tall or so, stooped down as he stepped out of the elevator, revealing a hawk's head atop his tall, muscular, bronze-skinned body. Moving in silent, gliding strides across the room, Sokar passed through the middle of the group, ignoring the NPFers as his eyes held firmly on his target before coming to a halt on the other side of the chamber.

"Cat, your kind has been forbidden to straddle the border between life and death for countless millennia," the Egyptian god of decay addressed the small feline that had been affected by the quantum physical powers of Sith, "and it is our judgment that you be remanded to one side or the other! May the will of the gods be done!"

And with a flash of violet mystical light, the cat's place in the universe was once again solidified, placing it firmly within the realm of the living. His task accomplished, Sokar simply stood still, arms crossed as he gazed stoically into nothingness in the middle of the slime-covered chamber.

[Sithdarth]

Sith simply rearranged his matrix into a gaseous state allowing the jam to fall right through him as well as stopping the Microwave attack. The arrival of Sokar threw him for a second though. Then suddenly he remembered one of his life long ambitions.

"Hey Sokar," Sith roared in challenge, "lets play a game of dice. If I win you give me your control over the universe. If you win I'll be your slave."

[Rhiya Ravenwing]

The big manly man stopped sobbing abruptly and let go of Arhra. Rhiyan stepped back, wiping his tears from his eyes.
"You're right.... hey, does this mean I get your powers? How the HECK am I supposed to know what it is?"

Rhiyan flailed one arm, then the other, then looked up and down again. His face screwed up in concentration on... whatever it is he's supposed to be concentrating on.

Something hit Rhiyan on the head.

"OW! What the heck?" Rhiyan exclaimed as he picked up the oversized purple crayon that had broke its fall over his cranium. He looked at it, then looked accusingly at Arhra.
"Oh, so the reincarnation means I lose my wings, my dragon form, and all I get to do is summon oversized novelty art accessories?!"

Rhiyan waved the oversized crayon around in emphasis, then stared in shock.

Rhiyan's hand-waving and extra-emphasizing with the crayon had caught one of them fungus trolls that had clambered through the spacial anomaly and was just about to clobber him. It produced a thick line reaching from thin air to thin air, in a sort of zig-zagging pattern across the troll's body. The purple lines had stopped the troll in its tracks, pinning it to thin air.

Rhiyan stared for a moment, then experimentally drew a line across the air. With a clang, the line fell to the ground, looking very solid.

An evil grin spread across Rhiyan's face. With an artistic whirl, Rhiyan spun towards the trapped troll.

A flurry of movements later, and the troll now sported stitches that wired his mouth shut, two eye patches (on BOTH eyes) and a big purple bogey dripping out of his nose. He was fixed to a wooden board to prevent his escaping.

Rhiyan had pulled himself to one side, and was currently hugging his new friend in a very girly fashion.

"Awww, you're my new best friend, Mr Crayon!" Rhiyan rumbled. Then he noticed POS, waved and jogged over, still clutching his art tool.

Rhiyan may look manly man, but the Rhiya inside him is still a girly girl...

[Mesden]

~Before POS decided to actually fucking post (The bastard whore!)~

Mesden was in a tight spot. Let's see how she rationalized it.

"Okay, so I'm missing half of my corporeal body, there are atleast several jackasses here interrupting my fight, and some very, very poorly dressed woman is about to assail me with a Cane..."

She tilted her head to get a full view of Renee as she charged, still holding her shield up in case Arhra decided to shoot her again, and dismissed the attack as someone hitting her with a freakin' stick, like it would have much effect.

But then she saw. It was not just a ghost stick, it was an ugly ghost stick, and she was now about to get hit with an ugly stick by a moron in a cheesey tuxedo. Stopping the attack became her utmost priority. But how!

"I could use the giant shield-arm, but no, that would make sense and be too easy, so it could never work. Also, it would lack flair, and everyone loves flair!"

But then, like a glistening beacon of hope and delicious candy, she saw it. It was beautiful, and only she could really see it in all its glory.

It was The Spirit of Christmas, a non-corporeal, candy cane shaped essence of goodness, family love, a child's joy and a parent's feeling of love. It embodied the beautiful lights and joy of giving, the harmony of mankind to throw down their bitterness and come together in singing and brotherhood. It had migrated here only out of a lacking sense of place until the Christmas Season (Which starts conveniently in 2 weeks!), and Faux-Christmas-Dimension was close enough.

Normally, such a tacky, and wholesome thing would be expelled from the universe of POS Industries. But, as fate would have it, the spirit also embodied greed, bitterness, disappointment, fighting for material possessions, gloating, more greed and poverty! It was a welcome member to any POS Universe. Jesus would be proud!

But now, Mesden needed help, and there it was. She reached out and connected with the form, and as soon as her hand clasped around the Candy Cane Spirit, it manifested itself into reality as a multi-color Candy Cane that blocked Renee's cane attack.

"Haha, you just got stopped by the Spirit of Christmas, bitch. This is the lamest thing I've ever seen in my eons of existance."

[Fenris]

Fenris thought for a moment, before he Henshin'd himself several togas over his other clothes. Tossing the togas about to various NPFers, Fenris wiped himself off and wondered where the hell Twiddy was in all of this mess.

[Nikose Tyris]

Catching a Toga, Nikose gently wrapped it around himself. It was ever so kind of Fenris to have tossed him a purple and gold toga, as they were his favourite colors. With Nenyel having become a silver crescent of leaves to wrap around his brow, he approached the tall being with the hawk's head.

And walked right on past him as if he wasn't there at all. "C'mon, we've got an important job to do! What are you all standing around here for?"

[Fenris]

Fenris wondered how Nikose managed to dye the toga to purple and gold in midair without contact.

'The hell?'

'I don't know either, Irium. I don't know how he manages to distort space and time, but I'm getting kinda used to it by now.'