The Marvelous Misadventures of Asshat! [REBOOT]

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

No no no NO!

Name Gyarados Shin-Ryu! Or Kaiser!

[Flarecobra]

Shyria....that...is awesome.

[Token]

Originally Posted by Shyria Dracnoir

Imagine that every abuse heaped upon a Magikarp only fuels its hidden rage and creates a stronger Gyarados. Now, remember that the Lake of Rage was created when a Gyrados went bugfuck insane, blasted a large chunk of forest into a crater, and flooded the remains. Now what could have prompted this, especially considering that before the Lake there was no suitable habitat to find either Magikarp or Gyrados running wild in the area?

Many years ago, there was a village. Small, backwoods, folksy, as some would call it (and what Token might call a "fucking hole"). The only enjoyment the people found was in their food; cooking was a social pastime, with the greatest recipies treated with the same reverence as the family Bible. One day, a young man decided he was going to make a name for himself by concocting the greatest sushi recipie the village had ever seen. This man loved fish, and to him, there was no greater culinary implement than the deep fat fryer. So naturally, he sought to combine the two. However, he was faced with a conundrum; with the flesh roasted to a charred husk, how would his customers know they were getting the best, freshest fish possible? And then, it hit him...

Imagine the fate of the hapless Magikarp he chose to test his newfound genius upon; how it was ripped from its comfortable life in a sylvan stream, thrust bottom-first into a vat of boiling oil, while all the time it's head remained untouched, gasping for breath, glassy eyes darting here and there until they settled on the face of its tormentor, smirking mirthfully at the thought of his future fame and fortune.

Imagine the rage such humiliation and torment could stir within the heart of that small fish. And imagine when the results when that rage grew too great for its old form to contain...

Nothing remains of that town or its inhabitants now, of course. But something of that first Karp's rage was passed on through the generations, waiting to be unlocked...

This may be the single most amazing thing I have read this year.

[Thadius]

...Okay clearly I need to rename MY shiny Gyarados to reflect such an awesome tale in some way or another...

[RobinStarwing]

I do have to admit though, that was an awesome piece of storytelling!

[Malek]

Originally Posted by Shyria Dracnoir

Imagine that every abuse heaped upon a Magikarp only fuels its hidden rage and creates a stronger Gyarados. Now, remember that the Lake of Rage was created when a Gyrados went bugfuck insane, blasted a large chunk of forest into a crater, and flooded the remains. Now what could have prompted this, especially considering that before the Lake there was no suitable habitat to find either Magikarp or Gyrados running wild in the area?

When I read this question, the first thing that came to my mind was time shenanigans involving Asshat's gyarados after far too many rage inducing phone-calls from Joey.
Perhaps he just gets sent there by Palkia and Dialga to piss off Asshat at some point? Alternatively, at the end of Asshat's adventure when he gets sent home, assuming he succeeds, his pokemon are sent back to where they were found, but for whatever reason although his gyarados gets sent to the right place, he gets sent to the wrong time and after some trigger event(maybe more joey shenanigans?) something inside him just snaps.

Shyria's explanation is good enough to be canon though.

[Thadius]

This also explains why there's a town of ninja next to the Lake of Rage. What few survivors there were of that day hid from the horrible wrath of the powerful Gyarados by retreating further inland. Over the years they honed their culinary skills to a deadly art. Every child is trained from birth the thirty pressure points there are on a Gyarados and how to best strike them. Never again shall the culinary ninja be caught off guard.

[Dracorion]

Wait a minute, hold the phone.

Mahogany town is ninja town?

... Are they, like, hiding or something all ninja-like? I mean, it's the only possible explanation, because I don't remember a single fucking ninja in that place. There's the crappily-hidden Rocket hideout, of course, but that doesn't qualify as ninja at all. And the Gym's theme is ice! The leader is an old man who is not at all ninja-like.

[Thadius]

Occasionally it pays to read the signs. Not always, but occasionally. In this case, you would have learned that yes, Mahogany is the town of ninja, with the 'hidden' modifier thrown in there somewhere.

[Token]

Originally Posted by Malek

When I read this question, the first thing that came to my mind was time shenanigans involving Asshat's gyarados after far too many rage inducing phone-calls from Joey.
Perhaps he just gets sent there by Palkia and Dialga to piss off Asshat at some point? Alternatively, at the end of Asshat's adventure when he gets sent home, assuming he succeeds, his pokemon are sent back to where they were found, but for whatever reason although his gyarados gets sent to the right place, he gets sent to the wrong time and after some trigger event(maybe more joey shenanigans?) something inside him just snaps.

Shyria's explanation is good enough to be canon though.

There is so much that is hilarious about this, but I can't say why. I will say that I might give Skittles something like that as a bad end when Asshat is done with him.


EDIT: Update within 48 hours. I am now convinced that the game itself hates Asshat, and by extension, me. Joey has called six times in the past hour, and something ENTIRELY FUCKING UNLIKELY AND GODDAMMIT NEVER HAPPENS WHEN I PLAY THE REAL GAMES has occurred. Suffice to say, I'm pissed this is only a rom.