Funny Job Interview Stories

[Nique]

So I've passed this story on to a few people, I thought it deserved to be shared.

So before I got my awesome new job, I went in for an interview at this place. It's called LPC.
The job listing for 'LPC' was something like "Do you have tech support/ phone support and customer service expieriance? Call us today!" So I'm like 'Damn, I have both of those things. Sounds good!'

But nowhere did I find out what exaxctly the company actually does. But hey I'm desperate for work so I don't care. I send in my resume, fill out their online application, and I get called in for an interview. Pretty cool so far.

I drive out and they are in this little buisness park. I step in and the receptionist isn't there, so I sit and wait for someone to come up front. Then finally the rudest reptionist (and this is saying a lot) I've ever met comes up and says 'What do you want?'

Thrown off, I sort of stutter through my introduction. "I'm just here for an interview at 2:00" (it is 2:15 now). Much to my dismay, she asks me to fill out an application. "Oh" I say, "I've already filled this out and emailed it."

"You have to fill it out. We need more information" she says. (This is not true since I have already sent in my full resume, job history, contact information. The only possible thing they could want that I haven't sent in already would be, I dunno. A blood sample... but i guess they dont want that becuase I dont get a syringe)

Anyway I fill it out and around 2:30 my interviewer finally comes out. He's an older guy, seems pretty nice I guess, but docile and apathetic would be more aproproate terms. As we're talking in their conference room, I'm still not getting any idea about what this company does. He finally picks up on my clueless nodding and says. "Oh, well, people often come in and they don't know what we do so let me show you."

He slides over a form that looks a lot like those credit card offers that everyone throws away. Now I'm a little concerned about exactly what kind of company this is, but I'm not one to jump to conclusions. He let's me read it over.

"So you're a credit card company?" I ask. He says no, they are not. They do however, extend a limited (by limited he means limited to their company) credit line to members. It is a membership. But with credit. But not a Credit Card company.

Apparently, people can purchase things on credit from a selection of items in their catalog. Now I am getting a clearer picture, and yes it sounds bad but I need a job so I'm irrationally hoping that this is all on the up-and-up. I guess sensing my trepedation or just used to skeptical attitudes, my interviewer practically jumps out of his chair, urgently crying - "it's not junk" a little taken back, I glance at him curiously. "It's not junk. The catalog. It's good stuff" he vehemently argues.

I guess he imagines this will reassure me. It doesthe exact opposite, of course, but I don't let on becuase now this interview has become something else enitrely and I figure I can BS my way around it, string them along for another 20 minutes or so and then get the hell out of there.

So I feign interest and he get's HIS manager in for the second part of the interview. So I wait in the conference room and suddenly Buisness MaJones walks in with a Cell-Phone, PDA, Blackberry, and a laptop computer attached to his belt. It's all I can do to not laugh.

So he goes over my qualifications, asks me about my expierience, etc. And then it's just weird awkward small talk. I used to work at a restaraunt so he mentions he used to go their but how it sucks now. I also mention I did web-design on a temporary basis. He asks why I wasn't there very long, and I told him there just wasn't enough work so I moved on.

"Oh so it was a consultation job." he says. I have no idea what he means, and that is not at all what it was but, yeah sure, why not?, Apparently me and him are totally on the same wavelegnth "Yeah. that's what I do. I'm a buisness consultant. I go in, start a buisness, and then move on to the next project. So you know, when they ask me about a job I just say 'aw don't worry about it, it was a conlsultation job'". I have never ever done this, but yeah ok.

Have you ever talked to some one who seems to have the goal in every conversation of one-upping you? Even at the cost of lying their ass off? That was this guy, and it was completely beyond my understanding as to why he felt the need to do this but I'm still highly amused so I just play along.

We then get into details about the company. If it isn't clear at this point, the whole operation is a scam. This place swindles people who can't afford to buy overpriced catalog items on credit into a way-too expensive membership, the purpose of which is to purchase overpriced catalog items on credit. He isn't this direct, of course but I'm not an idiot.

He draws a pie chart. "ok" he says "lets say this represents all the ads we mail out to people."

For fun, I ask "how do you get their addresses?" Not missing a beat, he claims it is from a 'publicly available mailing list'. Right. Anyway-

"Out of this amount, let's say we get 6% people signing up." He pauses. "It's not really 6%. I wish it were 6%" he muses. "If it were 6%, I'd be in the bahamas right now" And then he chuckles. You know, just so I know what his priorities are. Oh, and then he interupts our interview for a personel phone call, cause the man is just that important.

He then explains that out of this 6%, maybe 2% is the "undesireables" of our customer base. People who call back and claim that they never signed up for anything (which is probably true), or people disuptuing payment, or people who just can't pay. For these unfortunate souls, LPC apparently just says 'too bad'. "The customer is not always right", and "we have to get ours becuase we're running a F--king buisness not a charity".

Yes he actually dropped an F bomb on a job interview.

I got to take one of the catalogs home. It was very nice. You know how when you resize pictures in MSpaint that look like crap? These images were like 'holy god I could get this pixelated strawberry shortcake besheet for only $300 + tax! Awesome!"

Sad thing? I almost considered taking the job.

[Meister]

Are they completely ludicrous items like the electric pepper mill with built-in light bulb I once saw (for candle-light dinners, I presume, or possibly Halloween dinners ["I'm the leprechaun!"])? If so I may require scans of the catalog.

[Zilla]

I see a blackmail opportunity...

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

Originally Posted by Zilla

I see a blackmail opportunity...

With who. Meister or Nique

[Zilla]

I'm saying Nique could blackmail the company if he manages to find out exactly HOW illegitimate they are.

[Bells]

and then, collects a reward of some sort, given by someone somehow! It's Genius!!

Aaanyway, i've more than once listened to that crap (but mostly on group interviews) i worked at palm for a while, although the job interview was fine, i got a "warning" from my supervisor once...

i had to call thsi guy who had a really old Palm, and sell him a brand new one (the call it the "exchange promotion program"... i dont know why) the reason i got my warning is because the conversation had this little part in it

Me: "Perhaps you would like to Upgrade your old version to a brand New Treo650?"
Guy: "Why would i do that? I already have a Windows Mobile... Palmtops are just shit compared to those..."
Me: "Well... yeah it's true... but the Windows Mobile isnt a Phone. The Treo is!"

So, i almost lost my job back then because i didnt know how to lie

[Phobic]

I've got a couple interview stories that I like.

First is from this summer, I was home from school for three months and wanted to make a few bucks at whatever crappy job I could get. So I get an interview at Mervyn's, which turns out to be a group interview. There's me, 22 years old, and 5 other kids who were still in highschool. One of the questions was obviously "why do you want to work here?" All the kids talk about how much they love the store, and that kind of bullshit. And then it gets to me, and I answer "I'm tired of coming home from restaurants covered in food juice. so, I figure I'll try retail." And the other kids at the table all gasp in horror. Which causes me and the two interviewing managers to bust up laughing.

The better story is from when I interviewed for UPS. The interviewer had roughly the intensity of a drill seargeant, and definaltey thought too highly of the company. He mentioned about eight times that they were a fortune 100 company. Attempted to insult my character about three different ways, and said at one point, "How you perform at this job will determine whether you succeed or fail at life!" To which my response was, "I don't plan on moving boxes my whole life"
And also, I ended up getting hired both times.

[Terex4]

I made someone cry during an interview...

I was conducting interviews for new cashiers at Wal Mart. We have a small stack of forms with the questions you're supposed to ask with a rating system to gauge their responses.

I told her "Describe to me a rule you feel is important to follow and why." Considering this was going to be her first job she of course did not have previous work experience to draw from to answer the questions with.

So she tells me that the speed limit is important to follow and I ask her to elaborate.

She starts telling me how her friend died in a car wreck because she was speeding and breaks into tears in the middle of the interview.

My own interview to get hired on there was amusing. At Wal Mart you have to fill out a personality test, then during the interview they ask you why you answered the way you did to a couple questions. I was asked why I answered agree to "do you feel you have the right to criticize your company".

I told them I don't see myself outside picketing Wal Mart but if I found our they're drowning puppies I feel I should be able to hold that against them.

I was management within my first year .

[Zilla]

I always found that the advice they give you to help on interviews isn't really worth crock. I mean, you do need to look like you care about the job and all that, but they make up all this pretentiousness, and I feel you just need to be open and honest about how you feel, maybe with a little dressing of tact here and there, and they'll prefer you over the person who is really self-conscious and tells little white lies to get the job.

I've been turned down on two interviews, but they were poor jobs and I was about 15 or 16 at the time.

[bluestarultor]

I find honesty is the best policy. I worked at a little mom and pop pizza parlor called Sam's Pizza Palace as my first job, and got in because I was basically an upright boy of 16 who didn't drink, smoke, or swear, was quiet and polite, and was a hard worker. And it was a family business, so all of that stuff counted. The rest of the staff made me look like Jesus, though. Pretty much everything I wasn't, so I must've been a good change of pace. XD


Anyway, I worked there for two years and was used to an informal atmosphere. When I got back home from St. Louis, I decided on Pick 'n Save and applied for the deli. Basically, I hadn't changed much, so I expected pretty much the same spiel. Man was I wrong. I was actually Nana's first interview as manager of the deli, but one of the questions she asked was

Originally Posted by Nana

What do you expect from your managing staff?

to which I automatically replied

Originally Posted by my big mouth

A good manager should lead from the front, should know his or her workers and what's going on with them, what's going on in his or her unit, and should be able to work with everyone to resolve conflicts.

after which my face would have gone blue if I'd been an anime character because I realized

Originally Posted by my brain

Oh, snap! This isn't a mom and pop place! This is an EFFING BIG BUSINESS! There's no WAY I should be telling my manager how to do her job!

But I ended the interview well, shook hands, and actually got the job. Apparently, for all my worrying, Nana had the same stance on what a good manager was and it actually was a good thing that I felt the same way. If it had been any other department, I probably never would have been hired. But it was a good job.