I need advice...

[water]

I am very sad and in need of help. I don't even know what it is I am doing. I feel like I want to die, but that would make my now ex-girlfriend sad. She broke up with me yesterday after school. I am even sadder at the fact that she is already being offered net-sex by some individuals, and she is already having wet dreams about having sex with others. It was Valintine's Day yesterday. I am...in a bad state. Because on top of everything that has happened, I have to deal with no girlfriend anymore either. I don't know what to do. I need help. I need help from anyone that would give it. I don't know what to say. I feel like killing myself, is that bad? I wanna jump out of a plane without a parachute. I wanna walk into a burning building. I want this to be a nightmare I can't seem to wake from. I have no idea of what to do. This pain I feel won't go away! When she talks to me, the sun still shines, and I still love her deeply.And that means that even if I can't be with her, and she is happy even though I am miserable, that's O.K. So long as she is happy. I just don't want to let go. My mind says "Yes David, let her go. She will be happier.", but my broken and bleeding heart says "No! What about us! What happened to 2 years 9 months and 23 days of us being together!? Does that matter anymore!?" However my mind replies, "It hurts. We know. But you can't live like an empty shell. You need to move past it. Move past but don't forget what you and her shared." But my heart is still crying. Crying out of sorrow. Crying out of self hate. Crying because there is nothing it can do, other than mend, scar, and to be her best friend. Thats what she wants me to do, be her best friend...I am sad. horridly so. I don't know what to do other than try to be that best friend. I just can't come to grips with the idea that she is already interested in another/other male/s. It makes me...I don't know. I know I need to distance myself. She already has mostly moved on but...there is still that hope that maybe she will come back. I just wish there was some way that I can tell her that I am always here. And her actually listen. I don't know what to do. I need sound advice. What do I do? Where do I go? How do I act?

[AnonT]

Wow, I'm not even sure where to begin.

Well, first of all, I'd recommend not killing yourself just because a girl broke up with you. Was she your entire life? You never had any hopes and dreams that didn't involve her? No goals, no aspirations other than spending the rest of your life with her? If that's the case, I can see why she left you, and you might be better off dead, but I seriously doubt it.

You're obviously pretty emotionally needy, and unfortunately, women hate that. When women have emotional needs, men usually flock to them to comfort them, but the moment a guy shows any need or weakness most women will abandon him because most women are horrible people (so are most men, but that's beside the point). Women can get pity comfort and even pity sex just by saying "I'm lonely." A guy says the same thing, and women tell him he needs a girlfriend in a way that makes it clear that they mean some other girl, because they'd never date a guy who actually needs human comfort. Dating and relationships just suck, so be happy you got out of it before you did something really stupid, like get married. That would have made killing yourself over a girl look like a stroke of pure genius.

That said, since you do have emotional needs that most likely aren't going away any time soon, here's some real advice: she's moved on, she's not coming back, so meet someone else and get on with life. And when you do meet someone else, try not to whine about how lonely and needy you are. Be confident. Be assertive, make decisions. Women say they want equality, but when it comes to relationships, women expect men to do 90% of the work of getting one started and keeping it going. The bright side is this means you can always ask her to do things that you want to do without thinking too hard about what she wants; if she really wants to do something, she'll say so, and if she doesn't want to do something she'll let you know that too. Just don't expect her to actually hold up her end of the relationship and help you make plans, if she has to do any work she'll be lazy and find a different boyfriend who will do it all for her. So when you ask her if she wants to get together and do something, don't ask "when works for you?", say "let's do it tuesday!" and if that doesn't work for her then you should probably find another girl anyway because she's too lame to make time to do something fun.

The other thing to keep in mind is that women are people too. I don't mean this in a "have-respect-for-them" sort of way, I mean this in a "they're-flawed-and-insecure,-just-like-you!" sort of way. When they do something silly, tease them about it. Give them shit about things that don't really matter. After all, I'm sure you and most of your guy friends give each other shit about stupid things, make fun of each other, etc. but know that you don't really mean it. If you make fun of her for something that she's insecure about, while doing so in a way that makes it obvious that you still like her and care about her despite whatever you're teasing her about, it will make her a lot more comfortable with you and less insecure because she knows you like her despite her faults. If you hold her up on a pedestal and pretend there's nothing wrong with her, even if you really have trouble finding any faults with her, she'll look at the things that she perceives to be her own faults and think any guy who doesn't see those as faults must just be desperate or stupid and not worth her time. If you recognize that they're faults but still find things to like and care about, it will make her realize that her faults aren't that significant and that she's a worthwhile person despite them.

So basically, stop caring so much whether or not you have a girlfriend, be confident, and don't treat women like they're special unless they're earning it. I'd say be yourself too, except that being who you are never works when who you are is a needy, desperate, emo fag. When people say be yourself, what they really mean is pursue your own interests and stop catering so much to what you think other people want. If you spend all your time worrying about what other people want and don't seem to have any interests of your own, it makes you a pretty boring person who has to latch onto others for entertainment. Women want you to entertain them by finding fun things for them to do, not rely on them to find fun things to do.

Hopefully that was helpful enough that my cynicism won't get me banned.

[DFM]

That was a lot more elaborate and less harsh than my advice so I'm just going to second that post.

[Wyndon]

Yes. And I knew this thread was gonna be about a guy breaking up with his girlfriend just by the thread name -_- Why is this in discussion? I really don't think any serious discussion will come of this situation.

Hope your situation works out mate, but in my opinion, it looks like some maturity is to be had here. Really now dude, wanting to commit suicide? My biggest piece of advice to you would be to try to grow up a little bit before trying for a new girlfriend, because chances are, the same situation will ensue. AnonT hit the nail right on the head.

Actually. Maybe GM's should like sticky his post somewhere and use it as the end-all be-all relationship thread post thing. :o

[Moogle0119]

Agreed with what the others have said so far. Obviously you are going to be upset over a break-up but nobody is worth suiciding over. Just make sure you spend time out with your friends who will help you forget things for a while and try to not think about it. That's easier said than done, but we all go through something like this in our lives at one point or another. This could just be another step in your life to find someone that will mesh better instead of your ex. She's decided to move on and you should to. Just give it time and things will be fine.

Edit: Also not to be mean or anything but you probably won't get the best advice from random people on the internet. The best we can do is provide an outsider's point of view on the whole thing; at worst it can be pretty harsh words said. Talk to your family/friends and they'll probably be able to help you come to terms with things better.

Double Edit: Also I'd advise staying the hell away from your ex. Couples that break-up on bad terms very rarely can be friends again, especially if one person initiates the break-up because they want to see other people. If you hang around her you'll just be reminded of those feelings that you need to bury and forget.

[bluestarultor]

First off, if there was any place on the internet where you could hope for good advice, this is probably near the top of the list. Just realize that it's sheer accident that you have a userbase that's willing to give important advice.

That said, I'll throw in mine. I had a similar breakup, albeit of a shorter relationship. Time heals it. Don't be afraid to still be her friend, if that's what's truly best for both of you. In my case, it was better for me to let it drop, and it's still awkward years later. Not bad, just awkward. What I'm seeing is a rift between what you want and what you truly need. You want to be with her, and you want to see her happy. You need to not put yourself in a painful situation. I'd suggest taking a step back. Not to let it drop like I did, but to limit your time with her. Her new prospective boyfriends will NOT like it if you spend more time with her than they do, or if you continue to act the same towards her as when you were dating. Friendship has a different set of rules and appropriate behavior, which you'll need to conform to.

There is one good thing about this: she does want you to remain close. That means a few things:

• If she has trouble with her new beau, she may cry on your shoulder.
• She still expects you to be there for her and protect her, on a lesser level.
• With the length of your relationship, she will expect many of the same things out of her new beau that you did for her.
• She expects HIM to do those things, not you.
• She may actually just need space, or to take a step back to reassess what was happening between you two.
• If you act well in your friendship capacity, it will show her you're not pushy, and that she can rely on you for anything she needs, which has an attractive quality.

In short, she still wants you around, or else she would have said otherwise. If you're comfortable with what she's offering, by all means, take her up on it. Your relationship may eventually start up again if her new needs are met. A relationship is based on the needs of the individual parties, and frankly, the girl has the power in cases like this. If you satisfy her need for a close friend, things will stabilize, and you may or may not get back together. If you try to force yourself on her as a boyfriend, things will fall apart entirely, and there will be little hope of anything further.

[TopHatAssassin]

I suppose it's more or less just reiterating AnonT's answer, as it's so bluntly adequate (holy god damn, the cynicism!). In regards to the thoughts of suicide, no one's worth dying for. Really, no one is. The thoughts are common (oh man, life sucks without her/him, I can't go on!) Yes you can, the world isn't ending. Those propositions from other men are also to be expected, don't fret over them.

What I would suggest you do is find some constructive way to vent any and all negative feelings (I write and draw). Cry if you have to, as long as you get them out. Then pick yourself up and get on with things. Clearly she's not going to wait around for you so don't pine away at her.

In matters like this, listen to your brain. It and the heart may have a reciprocal relationship, but the heart can't reason. There is a time and a place for emotions, but recovering from a break-up isn't either.

Otherwise, the other guys have pretty much covered it. Hope it all works out.

[Cati]

Aw, I'm sorry. I wish I could help, but I just don't do relationships, mostly for the very reasons that you described. I'm also an incredibly emotional person, and I know for the sake of my own sanity, the worst thing I could possibly do is get my heart entangled with someone else's. Being alone is not impossible. It doesn't make you less of a person to not be an item -- in some ways, I think it makes you more you, stronger, et cetera. Because, as you discovered, you can't always count on someone to be there for you; sometimes, as my sister found out with her boyfriend of five years, forever only lasts a short amount of time.

It sounds as if for the past how long, you've made your existence about HER, and you don't know how to be otherwise. You can't DO that. Losing yourself in someone else is dangerous because you're placing your life in the hands of someone who might not even realize you did so -- and might not even have done the same for you. Now, you're stuck, right? Because now that you lost what you consider the center of your existence, you don't know what to do anymore.

Thing is, she wasn't always everything. There were other things you enjoyed, other people you liked to be around. Really, you just need to find YOURSELF again to get over this. You don't need someone else to live, you really only need your OWN life, you know? Independence = good, and as the others have said, girls seem to find an independent sort of guy attractive (heh, I'm a girl, but I'm so relationship-clueless that I wouldn't know. :P). And best of all, you'd be happier because you won't NEED someone else to be happy. You might WANT a relationship, but you don't need it.

But don't be rash; time is the best healer. As much as you love her and still want to be her friend, distance is a good idea -- it's hard to accept/get over this sort of thing when she's constantly right in your face. If she has any sense at all, she should understand that. However -- even if she does want to come back... for your own sake, I think you should say no. Actually, I think you should say away from relationships for awhile, because this isn't healthy for you. I'm not saying never date again, or even never date HER again, if the situation presents itself, but you've got to get yourself sorted out first. Break-ups hurt, but they shouldn't destroy you.

Good luck.

[Krylo]

So melodramatic...

Seriously, you're a kid. You can't be older than seventeen or eighteen given this post. Shit's worse when you're a kid. Trust me on this. I was a kid too. I also had a girl that I loved leave me for another dude. Then they got married. Like a month after we broke up. Because she was seeing him at the same time.

I think we all know how well that went for me. If you don't, I'll summarize it for you--Bad.

Now I'm 25, and a girl I've been seeing for over two years just broke it off with me to go be with another dude. Whatever. It happens. I still get pissy from time to time. I mean, it's a shitty situation. However, I'm older, wiser, and battle scarred now. Not to mention the lack of teen hormonal stupidity raging through my loins with the fire of a thousand suns.

Shit gets better.

I can also surmise you're an emo kid. So I'm going to guess that the relationship went something like this-- "I AM SAD!" "Hey, lets date" "I am happy, and you complete me, and now I shall languish the affections of my broken and shattered heart upon you so that you may make me whole again!" "OOOOoooookay... gonna go over here now" "NO! FOR SURELY I SHALL NEVER LOVE AGAIN!"

Yeah, really ridiculously shortened version of it, but seriously, that's how every emo kid I've ever known goes about their relationships. It's not a good idea.

Like Cati said--don't sabotage your relationships by making your life revolve around them. And for god sake be happy. Get help if you have mood swings or spend all your time depressed. A relationship can't fix your tortured soul.

You're gonna have to do that yourself.


ANNND all that said, I'm going to go ahead and close this, because, honestly, I don't see anything good coming from this.

If you need to talk PM someone or something. This kinda thing... not the best to have in public. Not when you're THAT exposed.