Depression Advice

CelesJessa · 01-15-2008, 05:28 PM

A close friend of mine has dealt with depression her whole life, but lately, it's gotten noticably worse (she also has SAD(seasonal affective disorder) so it's been really bad this season). And I've felt very overwelmed lately (she sleeps all day, is failing classes at college(she was in the top 10 kids at our high school), at one very depressing point, she told me that she had almost hurt herself). I'm trying really hard to get her to go get help, but short of dragging her there herself, I don't know what else to do.

It's very hard for me to understand what she's going through, because for me, every conflict in life is overcome just by "mind over matter" kind of thing, so I have a hard time understanding. I have done research, and I know that it's a chemical imbalance, but still it's hard to put myself in her shoes.

I know there's not much I can do (the whole "can bring a horse to water" thing) but I was wondering if someone could share their knowledge on this. What topics to avoid or if I should bug her about getting help or not sleeping all day. I don't want to be insensitive, but I also don't want to be overbearing. I don't know if I should lay off and let her deal with her problems or try and help confront the problems.

Anyway, I hope that's not too rambly, but any insight would be very much appreciated.

EDIT: And I know this is one of those topics that are probably better for "you should talk to a professional" and I have talked about this a lot with my parents and my brother (who graduated with a degree in psychology), but I still don't feel any less lost and I was hoping that maybe someone with personal experience in the matter might be able to help me.

Telephalsion · 01-15-2008, 05:37 PM

I've struggled with my own depressions from time to time, and usually what got me out of them was keeping myself busy. With anything really. What made the whole thing worse was thinking.

While I was depressed I did nothing, and I did nothing to change it, I just wallowed in my own thoughts and that jsut made things worse.
It was when someone made me tag along to something that the spiral was broken. I don't think anyone every realized I was depressed, and I'm glad they invited me without me having to do something, that made me feel like I meant something.

I'm used to depressions and know that it's just temporary, but it still sucks, and I unfortunately don't have a magical cure for it. Generally, just feeling that I matter makes it a whole lot better.

Really, try to keep your friend from thinking things over too much, activity helps I suppose.

Odjn · 01-15-2008, 05:53 PM

As someone with firsthand experience with depression myself and in those I care about I would highly recommend visiting the college psychologist/psychiatrist because they are free and confidential to determine a plan of action for getting your friend help. From what I know this sort of depression will not work out on it's own, your friend will need a degree of professional help.

What have you done to try and convince your friend to go to therapy?

CelesJessa · 01-15-2008, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Odjn

What have you done to try and convince your friend to go to therapy?

Ummm. I've suggested that maybe therapy will be able to help her feel better and like herself more and find good strategies for coping when she's feeling the most down. And I (and our other friends) have offered to go with her as well.

Raiden · 01-15-2008, 07:04 PM

Depression sucks a lot. First, I'd say to help make sure she's in a good sleep schedule. If she sleeps all day on a regular basis, she'll never get anything done.

Secondly, depression is...well, think of it like an anchor. You have no motivation to do anything. If you were left alone, you'd end up laying in bed all day, not moving and barely eating. When it's a chemical imbalance, it's more than just a simple mind over matter. It's that you're mentally incapable of doing it yourself.

She does need professional help, from a school counselor or a psychiatrist. If she won't go anywhere, there are counselors that will come to her, where she doesn't have a chance to miss it.

Emong · 01-15-2008, 08:00 PM

Depression, eh? Oh boy, I'm not good at giving advice for this but I'll try.

I've been through this alot (to the point where I can forcibly shake it off if need be) and all I can say is she needs to talk to a professional and try to be active during the day, maybe watch some comedy movies too, thats always helped me.

I hope that was helpful!

Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope · 01-15-2008, 08:11 PM

CJ: I can relate.

The best thing to do is other then to encourage her to seek help, be there for support. That is one of the best thing to do. When she is feeling down, you gotta help her. It's difficult and sometimes it seems overwhelming, but you have to do this for her.

Zilla · 01-15-2008, 08:21 PM

I help a lot of people through stuff like this for some reason or another... Usually what seems to help lift their mood is just being there to listen to them and being supportive, and always believing in them and what they are capable of. Sometimes I think they lose faith in themselves, and having someone there to have faith in them for them can really pick them up, at least to the point of getting help if they need it.

Perhaps it's better to approach it not from the "you need help" angle but more from "you can make it better."

adamark · 01-15-2008, 10:12 PM

Exercise makes everyone feel good. Go for a run with her. Get that natural "body high."

Therapy might work. She may need medication.

If you can't get her to be her own advocate, I advise you to "tell on her." It's not very popular in our individualistic culture to involve someone's family in a friend's life issue, but this is one of those instances that may warrant it. Tell her parents you are worried about her. If you can't make her get help, they certainly can. Tell them you're worried about her, they may be ignorant to the symptoms you have witnessed. If you feel like being ballsy, have some sort of depression intervention with you, her parents, and whoever else is close with her. The fact that she alluded to you that she has tried to hurt herself means that she has probably thought about suicide and "brushed" it by you to see your reaction. Doubtless she is well aware how stable you are and is ashamed by her own condition. She is crying out for help in the subtle way that depressed people sometimes do.

Really it all depends on how you read the situation and how depressed you think she is and how far you are willing to go for her. It's going to be uncomfortable no matter what. She may pull through on her own, or she may go off the deep end and leave her friends and family (and you) wondering how things could have been different if someone stepped in. Good luck.

katiuska · 01-15-2008, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zilla

Perhaps it's better to approach it not from the "you need help" angle but more from "you can make it better."

Worth repeating.

Mostly, just be supportive. Also, even if you know that there's things you can do, sometimes it's hard to get over the whole inertia. To that end, if she's open to getting help, doing something as simple as dialing the number (and then ensuring she gets to her appointment) might help get over the initial hump and make it harder for her to turn around and go back to bed. She probably won't be right on her way after that, especially depending on how it goes, but at least it's been brought into the world of reality and you now have other people involved.

01-15-2008, 05:28 PM	#1
CelesJessa DA-DA-DA-DAA DAA DAA DA DA-DAAAAAA! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Zanzibar Land Posts: 6,531	Depression Advice A close friend of mine has dealt with depression her whole life, but lately, it's gotten noticably worse (she also has SAD(seasonal affective disorder) so it's been really bad this season). And I've felt very overwelmed lately (she sleeps all day, is failing classes at college(she was in the top 10 kids at our high school), at one very depressing point, she told me that she had almost hurt herself). I'm trying really hard to get her to go get help, but short of dragging her there herself, I don't know what else to do. It's very hard for me to understand what she's going through, because for me, every conflict in life is overcome just by "mind over matter" kind of thing, so I have a hard time understanding. I have done research, and I know that it's a chemical imbalance, but still it's hard to put myself in her shoes. I know there's not much I can do (the whole "can bring a horse to water" thing) but I was wondering if someone could share their knowledge on this. What topics to avoid or if I should bug her about getting help or not sleeping all day. I don't want to be insensitive, but I also don't want to be overbearing. I don't know if I should lay off and let her deal with her problems or try and help confront the problems. Anyway, I hope that's not too rambly, but any insight would be very much appreciated. EDIT: And I know this is one of those topics that are probably better for "you should talk to a professional" and I have talked about this a lot with my parents and my brother (who graduated with a degree in psychology), but I still don't feel any less lost and I was hoping that maybe someone with personal experience in the matter might be able to help me. __________________

01-15-2008, 07:04 PM	#5
Raiden Just a passing through veteran Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: On your couch. Yes? Posts: 5,327	Depression sucks a lot. First, I'd say to help make sure she's in a good sleep schedule. If she sleeps all day on a regular basis, she'll never get anything done. Secondly, depression is...well, think of it like an anchor. You have no motivation to do anything. If you were left alone, you'd end up laying in bed all day, not moving and barely eating. When it's a chemical imbalance, it's more than just a simple mind over matter. It's that you're mentally incapable of doing it yourself. She does need professional help, from a school counselor or a psychiatrist. If she won't go anywhere, there are counselors that will come to her, where she doesn't have a chance to miss it. __________________ I have a signature. It's a really cool one, too. It's so awesome, you'd pull your eyes out and punch your mother. Sadly, these rules state that my signature is just too darned big. Too much awesome for such a small space. Oh well. You can still punch your mother...if you want... Fifth and Krylo made me do it. http://www.animecubed.com/billy/user...sigs/60266.jpg Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

01-15-2008, 08:11 PM	#7
Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope Definitely NOT a samurai Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Location: Wherever the wind leads me Posts: 5,347	CJ: I can relate. The best thing to do is other then to encourage her to seek help, be there for support. That is one of the best thing to do. When she is feeling down, you gotta help her. It's difficult and sometimes it seems overwhelming, but you have to do this for her. __________________ Lost in the Music ~ On Hiatus Tales of a Torn World ~ World Building

01-15-2008, 08:21 PM	#8
Zilla Lakitu Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,378	I help a lot of people through stuff like this for some reason or another... Usually what seems to help lift their mood is just being there to listen to them and being supportive, and always believing in them and what they are capable of. Sometimes I think they lose faith in themselves, and having someone there to have faith in them for them can really pick them up, at least to the point of getting help if they need it. Perhaps it's better to approach it not from the "you need help" angle but more from "you can make it better." __________________ MENCHI Pink It's cowboy time, I'm so MENCHI right now. Metroid is a great man because his friends don't rape him.

01-15-2008, 08:00 PM	#6
Emong I want to 'live' Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Debajo de un �rbol con la luz de la luna en sus ramas. Posts: 106	Depression, eh? Oh boy, I'm not good at giving advice for this but I'll try. I've been through this alot (to the point where I can forcibly shake it off if need be) and all I can say is she needs to talk to a professional and try to be active during the day, maybe watch some comedy movies too, thats always helped me. I hope that was helpful!