Let's review movies

Professor Smarmiarty · 08-05-2012, 02:56 PM

I'm watching lots of movies- Imma review them. You can do.
Donnie Darko: Primer if it sucked. 0
Suburbia: Clerks plus Ulysses. 1
On the Road: Badlands shot by a computer. 1

A Zarkin' Frood · 08-05-2012, 03:36 PM

What scale are you using? Is it a shittiness scale? Where 0 is the least shitty and 10 the most shitty? And all of those movies are considered shitty by you and you just reserve the higher scores for Coen movies? I'm not sure, please explain your ratings system.

On a scale from 0 to 10 where 0 is a little shitty and 10 is fucking disgusting
The Big Lebowski: So fucking boring to watch - 6
Fargo: No Country for Old Men but with snow instead of sand and has a woodchipper - 10
No Country for Old Men: Fargo but with sand instead of snow and a psycho with a gimmicky weapon - 9
Avatar: It looks nice, I guess. Actually it hurts my eyes and the story is boring as shit, also it's way too long even in the shortest cut - 6

Note: I lowered The Big Lebowski from a 8 to a 5 because it's actually better than Avatar.

Odjn · 08-05-2012, 03:37 PM

how about you rate stuff you like for once, barrelhead?

Professor Smarmiarty · 08-05-2012, 03:44 PM

I am using the SmartyScale (tm). It has 2 points
0- Not worth your time
1- Worth your time.
This is not a direct indicator of quality, I can dislike a film and give it a 1- it is an indicator of whether the film challenges itself and has some factor to recommend a watch.
the worst movie ever made Fight Club gets a 1 on the SmartyScale.

More reviews of recent films:
The Shooting- Less acid but more western than El Topo 1
Oceans 12- Did they forget they were making a movie? 0
The Five Obstructions- How to fight internet trolling if you are a classic film director 1

A Zarkin' Frood · 08-05-2012, 04:02 PM

That's actually a surprisingly good rating system. I much prefer it over the 5 out of 5 bullshit so many professionals embrace.

Osterbaum · 08-05-2012, 06:55 PM

Maybe it would best in conjunction with a 1-10 system. Like you give a movie a 3 to symbolize that it's crap but also a one to symbolize that you should still watch it.

Nique · 08-05-2012, 07:31 PM

I am in love with smarty's rating system.

Real Steal: The Champ + Transformers, heavy on the Transformers. Almost certainly a 0.

The Dark Knight Rises: Legend of Korra in that it fails at social commentary in almost exactly the same way + basically any other movie that fetishizes police and/or the military. Still pretty much a 1.

A Zarkin' Frood · 08-05-2012, 07:34 PM

I think adding a ten point rating system would be besides the point, because then you'd have expectations. Even a shitty movie can be enjoyable if you don't expect much of it. Smarty's system is ace, and everyone should use it.

phil_ · 08-05-2012, 08:52 PM

My Neighbor Totoro: Nothing really happens, but it's pretty and catbus is the best idea ever. Still, nothing happens. Ratings are how THE MAN gets you.

CABAL49 · 08-05-2012, 09:24 PM

I like how Smarty rates movies I haven't seen, with other movies I haven't seen.

08-05-2012, 02:56 PM	#1
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	Let's review movies I'm watching lots of movies- Imma review them. You can do. Donnie Darko: Primer if it sucked. 0 Suburbia: Clerks plus Ulysses. 1 On the Road: Badlands shot by a computer. 1

08-05-2012, 03:36 PM	#2
A Zarkin' Frood formerly known as Prince. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Right here, with you >:) Posts: 2,395	What scale are you using? Is it a shittiness scale? Where 0 is the least shitty and 10 the most shitty? And all of those movies are considered shitty by you and you just reserve the higher scores for Coen movies? I'm not sure, please explain your ratings system. On a scale from 0 to 10 where 0 is a little shitty and 10 is fucking disgusting The Big Lebowski: So fucking boring to watch - 6 Fargo: No Country for Old Men but with snow instead of sand and has a woodchipper - 10 No Country for Old Men: Fargo but with sand instead of snow and a psycho with a gimmicky weapon - 9 Avatar: It looks nice, I guess. Actually it hurts my eyes and the story is boring as shit, also it's way too long even in the shortest cut - 6 Note: I lowered The Big Lebowski from a 8 to a 5 because it's actually better than Avatar. __________________ >:( C-: Last edited by A Zarkin' Frood; 08-05-2012 at 07:33 PM.

08-05-2012, 04:02 PM	#5
A Zarkin' Frood formerly known as Prince. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Right here, with you >:) Posts: 2,395	That's actually a surprisingly good rating system. I much prefer it over the 5 out of 5 bullshit so many professionals embrace. __________________ >:( C-:

08-05-2012, 06:55 PM	#6
Osterbaum The revolution will be memed! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: FIN Posts: 5,967	Maybe it would best in conjunction with a 1-10 system. Like you give a movie a 3 to symbolize that it's crap but also a one to symbolize that you should still watch it. __________________ D is for Dirty Commie!

08-05-2012, 07:34 PM	#8
A Zarkin' Frood formerly known as Prince. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Right here, with you >:) Posts: 2,395	I think adding a ten point rating system would be besides the point, because then you'd have expectations. Even a shitty movie can be enjoyable if you don't expect much of it. Smarty's system is ace, and everyone should use it. __________________ >:( C-:

08-05-2012, 03:44 PM	#4
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	I am using the SmartyScale (tm). It has 2 points 0- Not worth your time 1- Worth your time. This is not a direct indicator of quality, I can dislike a film and give it a 1- it is an indicator of whether the film challenges itself and has some factor to recommend a watch. the worst movie ever made Fight Club gets a 1 on the SmartyScale. More reviews of recent films: The Shooting- Less acid but more western than El Topo 1 Oceans 12- Did they forget they were making a movie? 0 The Five Obstructions- How to fight internet trolling if you are a classic film director 1

08-05-2012, 08:52 PM	#9
phil_ Just sleeping Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: At home, probably in bed. Posts: 6,482	My Neighbor Totoro: Nothing really happens, but it's pretty and catbus is the best idea ever. Still, nothing happens. Ratings are how THE MAN gets you. __________________ Be T-Rexcellent to each other, tako.

08-05-2012, 09:24 PM	#10
CABAL49 Not bad. Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Senatus Populusque Americanus Posts: 1,584	I like how Smarty rates movies I haven't seen, with other movies I haven't seen.