Jokes/Riddles thread!

Gilgamesh in a Hat · 11-29-2004, 06:03 PM

How funny are you? post your favorite Jokes or Riddles here!

To any Mods that come here, are are blonde/fat jokes ok or are they bad as any racist comment?

First off, Algeria (my home country) has a crime rate higher than New York and Detroit combined. that being said, here is my joke.

An Egyptian guy, a French guy, and an Algerian guy are all flying on a plane. After a while the french guy sez "I think we are over my country" the others respond "how can you tell?" "Well" he sez "I can see the Efile Tower."

So they keep flying

Then after a while the Egyptian guy sez "I think we are over my country"

"how can you tell?"

"Well I can see Pyramids."

And they keep flying.

Then finally the Algerian guy sez "you know? I think we are over my country"

"how can you tell?"

He sticks his hand out the window of the plane, pulls it back in, and his watch is gone.

My Lead Airbag · 11-29-2004, 06:12 PM

What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

What's the difference between a football and a dead baby? Footballs don't pop when I stab them.

What's worse than a pile of 50 dead babies? A pile of 100 dead babies. What's worse than that? There's a live baby on the bottom. What's worse than that? He has to eat his way out.

How do you get 100 dead babies into a barrel? Blender.
How do you get them out? Doritos.

Lost in Time · 11-29-2004, 06:33 PM

Random Joke of the day!

An elderly couple suffering from deteriorating memory signed up for a power memory class to improve their memories. The power memory method taught them to remember things by associating these with familiar objects. After completing the 5-day course, the old man was discussing the merits of the course with a neighbor in his backyard.

The old man claimed, "Signing up for that power memory class was one of the best things I've ever done."

The neighbor asked, "So who was your instructor?"

"Well, lemme see," said the old man. "What do you, ahhh, call that flower that smells nice but, ummm, has those thorns..."

"A rose?" volunteered the neighbor.

"Yeah, right!" nodded the old man who then turned towards his house and yelled, "Hey, Rose, what was the name of the instructor in our power memory class?"

Zweihander · 11-29-2004, 06:48 PM

Quote:

What's worse than a pile of 50 dead babies? A pile of 100 dead babies. What's worse than that? There's a live baby on the bottom. What's worse than that? He has to eat his way out.

What's worse than that? He's going back for seconds.

BlackMageGirl! · 11-29-2004, 06:53 PM

What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is a muck sucking bottom feeder....and the other's a fish! :P

Lost in Time · 11-29-2004, 07:01 PM

What's the differance between Meat and Fish?

If you beat your fish, it dies.

Sorry... what a wrong joke.

Zweihander · 11-29-2004, 07:08 PM

How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two! One to screw in the lightbulb, and the other to hold the penis.

LADDER! I MEANT LADDER!!!

My Lead Airbag · 11-29-2004, 08:13 PM

Somebody read PvP today. You want lightbulb jokes, you got em.

How many armies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up without really trying, the Italians to start, get nowhere and try again from the other side, the Americans to finish off the job and then claim credit for the whole thing, and the Swiss to pretend that nothing happened.

How many straights from Los Angeles does it take to change a lightbulb?
Both of them.

How many New Yorkers to change a lightbulb?
201: One to change it, 200 to stand watching without doing anything to try to stop it.

How many Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, but they're really only One.

How many "pro-choicers" does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to screw in the bulb and four to march through Washington protesting that the lightbulb has a constitutional right to choose when it wants to be lit.

How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a lightbulb?
6: Two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three: one to change the bulb, one to hold the ladder.

How many brewers does it take to change a lightbulb?
About one third less than for a regular bulb.

How many country and western singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.

Gilgamesh in a Hat · 11-29-2004, 08:13 PM

What do you do if a blonde throws a granade at you? pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? run for your life she has a granade in her mouth.

Two blondes were walking in a field when they came to some tracks, one said they were moose tracks, the other said they were deer tracks, they kept arguing until the train hit them.

Gorefiend · 11-29-2004, 08:33 PM

I live in Ecuador (whoa, big news flash for most!) and, the crime rate is pretty high to. Especially the notorious crime rate. By this I mean, crime that everyone knows about, like the corruption of our president, or the nepotism in Guayaquil. Also, it's hot like hell here. Anyways, on with the jokes!

President Bush, Tony Blair and Lucio Gutierrez (president of Ecuador, lying scumbag...) all die. They go, inevitably, to hell (just bear with me, Bush supporters or Blair supporters...? joke's not on you). Bush decides to call home to find out what's up in good old America. So, he asks the devil how much to use the one Payphone in Hell. He replies 999 trillion dollars, US, per minute. Bush agrees and painstakingly gets the major officers to summarize quickly. He pays up, and thanks the devil for the bad service.

He finds Tony, his old mate on Earth, and asks him what's up. Tony tells him he's been wondering about how England is doing. George tells him about the phine, and Blair amkes his call, for twice as many Pounds Sterling (I'd use the Euro sign, but my computer doesn't have it.)

Then, they both find Lucio Gutierrez, and he, too, wants to call home, so he goes to the devil and asks him to use the phone. He talks for hours and hours on end. When he comes out, total charge, $2 US (we use US dollars now, after a complete collapse of the economy) Bush and Blair are shocked to hear this. They go to the devil and ask him why the special treatment. He answers "From hell to hell, it's a local call."

11-29-2004, 06:03 PM	#1
Gilgamesh in a Hat The One That Says Bad MotherF$#%er Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: right behiND THIS DOOR! A-HAh! Posts: 172	Jokes/Riddles thread! How funny are you? post your favorite Jokes or Riddles here! To any Mods that come here, are are blonde/fat jokes ok or are they bad as any racist comment? First off, Algeria (my home country) has a crime rate higher than New York and Detroit combined. that being said, here is my joke. An Egyptian guy, a French guy, and an Algerian guy are all flying on a plane. After a while the french guy sez "I think we are over my country" the others respond "how can you tell?" "Well" he sez "I can see the Efile Tower." So they keep flying Then after a while the Egyptian guy sez "I think we are over my country" "how can you tell?" "Well I can see Pyramids." And they keep flying. Then finally the Algerian guy sez "you know? I think we are over my country" "how can you tell?" He sticks his hand out the window of the plane, pulls it back in, and his watch is gone. __________________ "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

11-29-2004, 06:12 PM	#2
My Lead Airbag Magikoopa Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 1,632	What's the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage. What's the difference between a football and a dead baby? Footballs don't pop when I stab them. What's worse than a pile of 50 dead babies? A pile of 100 dead babies. What's worse than that? There's a live baby on the bottom. What's worse than that? He has to eat his way out. How do you get 100 dead babies into a barrel? Blender. How do you get them out? Doritos. __________________ Former Forum Names: BMHadoken, BiteTheWaxTadPole...krylo made me do it, really. RP Fight Lord RP Story Sage Retired.

11-29-2004, 06:33 PM	#3
Lost in Time Fungus Among Us Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: On Your Nightstand Posts: 1,967	Random Joke of the day! An elderly couple suffering from deteriorating memory signed up for a power memory class to improve their memories. The power memory method taught them to remember things by associating these with familiar objects. After completing the 5-day course, the old man was discussing the merits of the course with a neighbor in his backyard. The old man claimed, "Signing up for that power memory class was one of the best things I've ever done." The neighbor asked, "So who was your instructor?" "Well, lemme see," said the old man. "What do you, ahhh, call that flower that smells nice but, ummm, has those thorns..." "A rose?" volunteered the neighbor. "Yeah, right!" nodded the old man who then turned towards his house and yelled, "Hey, Rose, what was the name of the instructor in our power memory class?" __________________ Eat me!

11-29-2004, 07:01 PM	#6
Lost in Time Fungus Among Us Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: On Your Nightstand Posts: 1,967	What's the differance between Meat and Fish? If you beat your fish, it dies. Sorry... what a wrong joke. __________________ Eat me!

11-29-2004, 07:08 PM	#7
Zweihander You are not reading this. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: ::1 Posts: 1,443	How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two! One to screw in the lightbulb, and the other to hold the penis. LADDER! I MEANT LADDER!!! __________________ How to make sure your subtitles take advantage of newfangled things like anti-aliasing.

11-29-2004, 06:53 PM	#5
BlackMageGirl! Oh hi! :D Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Currently in reality! Posts: 2,688	What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a muck sucking bottom feeder....and the other's a fish! :P

11-29-2004, 08:13 PM	#8
My Lead Airbag Magikoopa Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 1,632	Somebody read PvP today. You want lightbulb jokes, you got em. How many armies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up without really trying, the Italians to start, get nowhere and try again from the other side, the Americans to finish off the job and then claim credit for the whole thing, and the Swiss to pretend that nothing happened. How many straights from Los Angeles does it take to change a lightbulb? Both of them. How many New Yorkers to change a lightbulb? 201: One to change it, 200 to stand watching without doing anything to try to stop it. How many Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? Three, but they're really only One. How many "pro-choicers" does it take to change a lightbulb? One to screw in the bulb and four to march through Washington protesting that the lightbulb has a constitutional right to choose when it wants to be lit. How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a lightbulb? 6: Two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Three: one to change the bulb, one to hold the ladder. How many brewers does it take to change a lightbulb? About one third less than for a regular bulb. How many country and western singers does it take to change a lightbulb? Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air. __________________ Former Forum Names: BMHadoken, BiteTheWaxTadPole...krylo made me do it, really. RP Fight Lord RP Story Sage Retired.

11-29-2004, 08:13 PM	#9
Gilgamesh in a Hat The One That Says Bad MotherF$#%er Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: right behiND THIS DOOR! A-HAh! Posts: 172	Screw it, here it goes... What do you do if a blonde throws a granade at you? pull the pin and throw it back. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? run for your life she has a granade in her mouth. Two blondes were walking in a field when they came to some tracks, one said they were moose tracks, the other said they were deer tracks, they kept arguing until the train hit them. __________________ "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

11-29-2004, 08:33 PM	#10
Gorefiend That Guy Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: The city that doesn't sleep Posts: 1,039	I live in Ecuador (whoa, big news flash for most!) and, the crime rate is pretty high to. Especially the notorious crime rate. By this I mean, crime that everyone knows about, like the corruption of our president, or the nepotism in Guayaquil. Also, it's hot like hell here. Anyways, on with the jokes! President Bush, Tony Blair and Lucio Gutierrez (president of Ecuador, lying scumbag...) all die. They go, inevitably, to hell (just bear with me, Bush supporters or Blair supporters...? joke's not on you). Bush decides to call home to find out what's up in good old America. So, he asks the devil how much to use the one Payphone in Hell. He replies 999 trillion dollars, US, per minute. Bush agrees and painstakingly gets the major officers to summarize quickly. He pays up, and thanks the devil for the bad service. He finds Tony, his old mate on Earth, and asks him what's up. Tony tells him he's been wondering about how England is doing. George tells him about the phine, and Blair amkes his call, for twice as many Pounds Sterling (I'd use the Euro sign, but my computer doesn't have it.) Then, they both find Lucio Gutierrez, and he, too, wants to call home, so he goes to the devil and asks him to use the phone. He talks for hours and hours on end. When he comes out, total charge, $2 US (we use US dollars now, after a complete collapse of the economy) Bush and Blair are shocked to hear this. They go to the devil and ask him why the special treatment. He answers "From hell to hell, it's a local call." __________________ The world of truth has no certainty. The world of fact has no hope. "Environmental laws were not passed to protect our air and water... they were passed to get votes. Seasonal anti-smut campaigns are not conducted to rid our communities of moral rot... they are conducted to give an aura of saintliness to the office-seekers who demand them." - Frank Zappa, prelude to Joe's Garage Ever wonder THE TRUTH ABOUT BLACK HELICOPTERS?