Chapter 44
Overture, curtains, lights! This is it, the night of nights! No more rehearsing and nursing a part, we know every part by heart!
Overture, curtains, lights! This is it, you'll hit the heights!
And oh, what heights we'll hit!
On with the show, this is it!
...And now a word from our sponsors.
Oh, don't worry, guys. Most of you only know like 4 spells anyway, and the ones who know more are sexy spritey gods of war anyway.
Except Loli. She's nothing without her magic and I think it'd be illegal for me to call her sexy anyway.
...Oh, right. What with the plot twist. Well, I dunno, you may as well make your peace with her just in case.
Anyway, *ahem*:
Tonight what heights we'll hiiiiiiiiiit....
On with the show, this is iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
And now the party is split in to 3 groups, each going along a completely different pathway.
I think Loli's group is the easiest to start with, as they have Mog, who wears a relic allowing us to ignore all random encounters.
...Of course, the game decides what's random and what's not, so monsters falling out of the ceiling are apparently TOTALLY not random.
I'd like to summarize how this boss works, but...
...we beat him so fast that all he had time for was a few regular attacks. One of which killed Eunuch, who still has that goddamn Cursed Shield. But that's not important at this point.
What's important is that we've found another dragon! Woohoo!
It's a skull dragon, and you know what everyone says about skull dragons...
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
What, you've never heard them say that? Well, you're obviously not listening to the right people, because that's totally what they say. And they're right.
Only one dragon left in the world! Hurray for reptilian genocide!
...And then the group bumps into a pressure plate. It seems to me that Loli's team has to sit on this button until someone else can hit the one on the other side, which opens that massive set of Boss Doors (TM).
And they're gonna have to sit there for a while, I'm sure.
Goodbye, Molulu's Charm! I'll miss you.
Character switch!
And Bitch encounters nothing of interest until her team encounters an empty space with a button on the other side. Bleh.
It really sucks, too, because her party is probably the most kitted-out. If only this had been more like FF8's multi-party dungeon, where you can run through with only one of them and leave the other at the door for almost the entirety.
Character switch again!
Store's group has a bit more of an exciting time, finding a monster stuck in a jail cell.
One wonders why it didn't just break the hell out.
"No, you really aren't. We beat up Ultima about a year ago."
"Left here? This tower didn't even EXIST a little while ago."
"Less than a year."
"Umm, leave?"
"It's rude of you to ignor-"
"Yes, the door is wide open. You can go. We won't stop you."
Ultima: "But it's okay,
because I can glow in the dark now so our troubles are over."
Store: "I'm sorry."
Ultima: "I tarzan."
And wow, that fight really made me realize how hard it is to fight bosses when not everyone in your party is GOD.
Still, we should get something awesome for winning, shouldn't we?
...A save point.
REAL NICE.
Store: "WELLLLL NOW, this seems familiar, doesn't it?"
Store: "Yeah, go ahead across. But I'm keeping the ribbon in this chest. It matches my hair."
Character switch!
Bitch: "Thanks, I'm sure it looks almost half as good as mine."
Hmm... didn't Kefka make this tower for himself? Why the heck would he use bits of the Magitek lab? Does he have a thing for broken glass?
...
Of course, the boss doors.
Bitch: "Hey, Loli. How's that button going for ya?"
CHARACTER SWITCH. ARGH.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the tower, Store and her party are still doing everything exciting.
Puny, pathetic Gold Dragon! Prepare to face the might of Bushido!
See, when Cocke attacks, he is equipped with the Lightbringer and Wing Edge, the second of which is a boomerang-type weapon, so it takes a long time to go across the screen and back. Since Cocke attacks four times, this buys time for Thou to charge his mighty Bushido!
Oh, sonofa...
Yeah, but sadly, none of them using the MIGHTY BUSHIDO...
Well, I guess that kinda makes up for it. We can check it out later.
Ooh, a mystery tablet! I love these!
Somehow, I don't think he's talking about the relic we have.
Alright, the buttons can finally be pressed!
Bitch and co, prepare yourselves. This will undoubtedly the final showdown. But I know you've got what it takes! Show that clown what you're made of!
...
Screw this, maybe that Dragon's Horn place will have a few less buttons.
Before we head over there (it's just north of the Dragon's Neck Coliseum, who'd have guessed), let's check out that Crusader magicite.
HOT DAMN.
Okay, the 3 party thing again. Let's do this! LEEROYYYYYY JENKINNNNNS!
...Seals. Hopefully they aren't activated by buttons. That would be the greatest suck of them all.
But hey, monsters! At least we won't be bored.
Aww, lookit the cute widdle ice dragon! This'll be as easy as it was last time. "cracks knuckles"
Oookay, 4 ice dragons stacked on top of each other. Still, the... more numerous they are, the harder they...
...fall.
Should've thought that through a little further, maybe.
Okay, you know what this calls for? An off-screen montage. We're gonna win this if it takes a WHOLE 'NOTHER YEAR.
Gametime, of course. I wouldn't have enough patience for another year of this bullshit.
Next update: Beating those cocky-ass Ice Dragons!