Movies you hate

[Marc v4.0]

Originally Posted by Smarty McBarrelpants

But that's the thing- the prequels made the Jedis in hypocritical, massive dickheads, even Yoda. But they were pretty sweet in the original trilogy.

As for Vader and his force choke- as clearly demonstrated in New Hope, Vader can force choke people but Imperial scientists can explode planets. Point science.
Even Palpatine knows that. That's why he does all his work with clones and deathstars and spaceships. Vader is seriously like a dude from the 19th century mocking our medicine and curing illnesses by buring people in the earth up to thier neck.

Except he is wearing a techno-suit of medience, and the ability to destroy a planet is insigificant next to the power of the McGuffin.

[Magus]

Anything about the Jedi being big jerkwads is post-original trilogy fabrication so that Lucas could put Jedi being big jerkwads into his new prequels to create faux-grimdark elements.

If a Jedi is a big jerkwad, he is called a Sith Lord, by original trilogy logic. And hell, prequel logic. All Lucas did was make everybody into a Sith Lord, so its just Sith Lords fightin' Sith Lords.

[Bells]

Except for Obi Wan, thus making him the Real Hero of the whole damn thing

ALL HAIL FREAKING KENOBI!!!

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Originally Posted by Marc v1.0

Except he is wearing a techno-suit of medience, and the ability to destroy a planet is insigificant next to the power of the McGuffin.

Is it though? Like Vader says it is but he is clearly crazy
And like what's the biggest thing they do with the force in the trilogy? Lift a starship out of the swamp? Tractor beams do it faster and easier and don't take lots of mental training to use either. Call someone from far away? Get a cell phone. The force did help them destroy the first deathstar but only in interaction with technology (which does all the lifting here) and because their targeting computers are inexplicably far worse than even our targeting computers. And the second death star- that was all technology all the time.
Killing the emperor? Luke couldn't do shit to stop him with his Jedi training, the only thing that stopped him was a father's love, nothing to do with the force. And what protected Vader from the Emperor's lightning? His big science suit.
And like people say the force drives the plot, gets the characters to move around. You know what really moves the characters around? Fucking starships.
In conclusion: Force does shit. Technology does everything.

[Bells]

You know that with a bit of stretch and twist you can make the same case about Gandalf, right?

[Fifthfiend]

Originally Posted by Magus

Anything about the Jedi being big jerkwads is post-original trilogy fabrication so that Lucas could put Jedi being big jerkwads into his new prequels to create faux-grimdark elements.

If a Jedi is a big jerkwad, he is called a Sith Lord, by original trilogy logic. And hell, prequel logic. All Lucas did was make everybody into a Sith Lord, so its just Sith Lords fightin' Sith Lords.

Yoda was an asshole in Empire, stop kidding yourself otherwise. Jedi rhetoric about the Dark Side was always steeped in extremist hypocrisy, and Luke succeeds in Return by rejecting it.

Originally Posted by Smarty McBarrelpants

But that's the thing- the prequels made the Jedis in hypocritical, massive dickheads, even Yoda. But they were pretty sweet in the original trilogy.

As for Vader and his force choke- as clearly demonstrated in New Hope, Vader can force choke people but Imperial scientists can explode planets. Point science.

Even Palpatine knows that. That's why he does all his work with clones and deathstars and spaceships. Vader is seriously like a dude from the 19th century mocking our medicine and curing illnesses by buring people in the earth up to thier neck.

You're reading that line ridiculously literally. All Vader's saying is cheddar don't mean shit if you ain't right with Evil Space Jesus.

[Marc v4.0]

Originally Posted by Smarty McBarrelpants

Is it though? Like Vader says it is but he is clearly crazy
And like what's the biggest thing they do with the force in the trilogy? Lift a starship out of the swamp? Tractor beams do it faster and easier and don't take lots of mental training to use either. Call someone from far away? Get a cell phone. The force did help them destroy the first deathstar but only in interaction with technology (which does all the lifting here) and because their targeting computers are inexplicably far worse than even our targeting computers. And the second death star- that was all technology all the time.
Killing the emperor? Luke couldn't do shit to stop him with his Jedi training, the only thing that stopped him was a father's love, nothing to do with the force. And what protected Vader from the Emperor's lightning? His big science suit.
And like people say the force drives the plot, gets the characters to move around. You know what really moves the characters around? Fucking starships.
In conclusion: Force does shit. Technology does everything.

Ok, gonna pull out the Nerd Card here, but their affinity with the Force allows them to wield the Lightsabers without cutting themselves to ribbons. They are very difficult to fight with because, if I recall my Nerd technicals properly, they throw the motions off horrendously because of some wobbly gyroscopic techno-babble property of the beam.


Oh, just noticed, Palp's Force Lightning fucked Vader's suit up, which is why he died. It broke the life support. I thought that was clearly evident by how much more fucked up he was after he did that.

You think the missing mechanical hand killed him or something?

[Kerensky287]

Originally Posted by Bells

You know that with a bit of stretch and twist you can make the same case about Gandalf, right?

Dude, Gandalf sucked.

First he was all, "Hey, it's a magic ring this hobbit found! Bitchtits." Then he was all, "Oh shit, the ring is an evil ring, oh well, may as well let the hobbit keep it, what could ever happen."

Then he died. Then he came back. Then the movie went on for way too fucking long because they insisted on the last half hour being filmed entirely in slow motion.

[Fifthfiend]

Originally Posted by Osterbaum

Sometimes I see the movie in my dreams playing the part of a rapist seeking to violate me. I'm afraid of it.

I used to have nightmares about Freddy Kruegger climbing out of a mirror to stab me in the eyes, but now, his face is Kim Cattral.

Then after she stabs me in the eyes, she makes bigoted comments about gay people and Arabics while I scream, and scream, and scream.

[Archbio]

Originally Posted by Magus

The really stupid thing about this movie: the director claimed it was "based on a true story", and the story was his own story about how one time someone rang on his doorbell and he opened it and no one was there.

Then, later, he saw something about a murder on television. I don't even think it was in his area or anything, just a murder.

That's it.

So basically any movie in existence can now be said to be "based on a true story", you just have to list the unconnected things that inspired your plot as the the basis for it, and BAM! true story.

For example, I was sitting here looking at a moth flying around a lightbulb, I can now write a movie about how one time this killer was killing people with fly wires and a giant lightbulb and put "based on a true story" at the beginning.

The same thing goes for Fargo and even The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, really. The "true story" mention is really just used for effect. Not to detract from your main point, which seems pretty spot on, but the story you mention about someone being at the door is actually not quite that lame.

From what I read, a woman was at the door asking for someone who wasn't there (like in the film,) and turns out that she did it at every house on the street, essentially scouting which houses were empty and thus could be burglarized. I can see how that's creepy and inspired the set-up to the movie strongly, but it's true that it's not at all the story they're actually telling.

EDIT: BTW I thought the whole point of The Strangers was they were super competent, so competent they could like, silently break into the house, stand menacingly behind the people in it, and then leave the house and go knock on the door so they can attack through the door because I guess that's even scarier. Those are like super psychopaths, dawg.

I'm not denying that they had skills, but they were really sloppy in the application of those skills. They don't bring any weapons of their own (relying on whatever they find on the spot,) they warn their victims that they're there then leave them ample time to barricade themselves, find unexpected modes of transportation and communation that the "strangers" might not know about and arm themselves with whatever's in the house. In the movie itself the victims are too dumb to do anything but arm themselves, and barely at that, but still... by all means at the end of the movie the "strangers" should have been expected to be dead or arrested. I mean, it makes some sense for mental patients.

Which brings me to Funny Game, coincidentally, which I think The Strangers imitates consciously. In that film, at least, the intruders not being particularly interested in being effective or careful makes sense, since at least one of them knows what film they're in, and that they can't loseé

In the realm of stupid horror movies, I thought Funny Games was rather pointless, but I think we discussed this before. But frankly the only reason I thought it was pointless was the remote control scene, simply because it was just kind of a cheesy way to break the 4th wall. Up until then it was fairly interesting.

It is cheesy; but you have to understand that past the midpoint of his movies, Haneke seems to generally become unconcerned with them actually working as movies, being more interested in providing whatever half-assed lecture he actually wanted to give you in the first place.

Edit: If Haneke as a human being counted as a movie, I'd put him in my list of movies I hate. As it is, his individual movies don't inspire a strong enough level of hate by themselves for that.