Movies you hate

[Bells]

Star Wars fix itself if you twist reality to understand that the main character is Obi Wan and that everyone else was backdrop filler.

[Kerensky287]

Final Fantasy Spirits Within.

Final Fantasy Advent Children.

EDIT: I'm going to get some hate for this, but Across The Universe was a terrible movie.

The Beatles were (and ARE) completely awesome, yes. But they spent too much time trying to make the songs make sense in context, and not enough time making the movie good on its own.

Fuck, the point of The Beatles isn't to make sense!

For chrissake they had this whole scene where they get on a random hippie bus just so they could play I Am The Walrus. It had no bearing whatsoever on the rest of the movie.

[Magus]

Originally Posted by Archbio

Hey, I can think of one reason to not hate Equilibrium: it gave me a good excuse to quote Mandrake from Doctor Strangelove when the evil police state troopers forgot how to use their guns when swarmed with a minor horde of idiotic insurgents at the end. Who knew that all that holds a dictatorship up is a videotape on a loop?

No, wait, that's another reason to hate it. Never mind.

---

I also hated The Strangers. Fuck The Strangers. I suppose that showing psychotic criminals as being utterly incompetent is an admirable touch of realism, but when that means that the script has to be contrived even more to allow them to be an effective threat, then realism kind of ends up in the red, doesn't it?

"Hey, I just accidentally shot my best friend in the head because he wandered in front of room in our house (which has clearly been broken into) without calling out for us (for some reason,) while I was watching the room's only door for any psychotic criminals. Now, I'll abandon this safe position (and my unarmed girlfriend,) because clearly there is much danger of this extremely contrived set of circumstances repeating itself, like I'm Wile E Fucking Coyote. I hope I don't somehow get jumped by the crazies that outnumber me, in the dark, outside; before I can reach a distant neighbour!"

Yep, it's still number one on my Hate List.

The really stupid thing about this movie: the director claimed it was "based on a true story", and the story was his own story about how one time someone rang on his doorbell and he opened it and no one was there.

Then, later, he saw something about a murder on television. I don't even think it was in his area or anything, just a murder.

That's it.

So basically any movie in existence can now be said to be "based on a true story", you just have to list the unconnected things that inspired your plot as the the basis for it, and BAM! true story.

For example, I was sitting here looking at a moth flying around a lightbulb, I can now write a movie about how one time this killer was killing people with fly wires and a giant lightbulb and put "based on a true story" at the beginning.

EDIT: BTW I thought the whole point of The Strangers was they were super competent, so competent they could like, silently break into the house, stand menacingly behind the people in it, and then leave the house and go knock on the door so they can attack through the door because I guess that's even scarier. Those are like super psychopaths, dawg.

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In the realm of stupid horror movies, I thought Funny Games was rather pointless, but I think we discussed this before. But frankly the only reason I thought it was pointless was the remote control scene, simply because it was just kind of a cheesy way to break the 4th wall. Up until then it was fairly interesting.

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Originally Posted by Bells

So, as i was browsing the channels today "National Security" was on.

Oh boy, do i hate this movie... i trully hate this piece of film. The most pretentious, racist, Misogynist piece of crap i've ever seen named as a "movie" on the screen.

The movie tries so hard, pushes so damn hard to make the Black guy the "outlaw hero that is so gangsta the SYSTEM and SOCIETY can't handle" that it's almost assault.

If you simply remove Martin Lawrence, entirely, of the movie and leave everything else as-is, you come out with a midly interesting, semi-funny cop comedy about a Cop dealing with the lost of his partner by taking with a invisible black man... A MUCH more interesting movie all by itself, right there.

So, share! Share with all! What movies you trully hate and why? Provide a trailer if you can or a poster

Wasn't there a Martin Lawrence movie completely based around the fact that he pretends this hapless white cop beat him and sends the guy to jail for two years, for no reason (later they team up because for some reason despite Martin Lawrence being a petty thief or something they decided to let him be a cop, with a machine pistol too) Like it seemed entirely based around making white people think all cases of police brutality are all faked by black people, like many of them already think. So if the goal was to entrench racial tensions, I guess they succeeded?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Originally Posted by Archbio

SMBP: The Movie. Starring Russel Crowe as SMBP, and a pile of rocks with quirky mannerisms as Jim Jarmusch.

I'm totally Gary Busey.

The biggest problem with the Star Wars prequels was not the stupid CGI or the terrible dialogue or the horrible plot or the nonsense action scenes or the fact that this galaxy only has 6 different people in it and two of them are robots or that Lucas didn't really understand the original movies and just took bits that were popular and rehased them in nonsense ways, it was turning Darth Vader from like this crazy old religious zealot who nobody fired because he was a little unhinged and might try and murder you so they gave him an important title and a seat at the big table into this war-hero, most important person in the galaxy, super diplomat/lover. Go watch a new hope again, Vader is totally the crazy uncle.
Also the fact that the Jedi went from being upholders of the peace, violence abhoring dudes to stone cold killers. Like I always thought of Obi-Wan as like this badass renegade jedi, he wears robes so he can like hide in the corner till he stone cold murders you, Yoda was all like- Lightsabers are for evil dudes, you cut off Vader's head you cut off your own head ZOMG- but Obi-Wan will chop you up while blindfolded. But no, all jedi wear robes and cut people into bits.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

I really fucking hate Barbershop. I watch Comedy Central. A lot. Every now and then I get a really good laugh out of it whether I'm watching Scrubs or a movie. But I swear to god, they play Barbershop every day all month. Every. Single. Fucking. February. I can't take it. I don't care if it's black history month, that doesn't mean we have to settle for sub-par entertainment. Put on Blazing Saddles. Not freakin' Barbershop.

[Magus]

Yoda should have just crashed spaceships into each other using the force like he did in that badass cartoon (no not the ugly CGI one, the Genndy Tartakovsky one).

EDIT:

Originally Posted by The Sevenshot Kid

I really fucking hate Barbershop. I watch Comedy Central. A lot. Every now and then I get a really good laugh out of it whether I'm watching Scrubs or a movie. But I swear to god, they play Barbershop every day all month. Every. Single. Fucking. February. I can't take it. I don't care if it's black history month, that doesn't mean we have to settle for sub-par entertainment. Put on Blazing Saddles. Not freakin' Barbershop.

Holy crap, is that really why they incessantly play Friday and Barbershop in February? Are you sure it's not just coincidence? I mean, if that's true, that is just the most hilarious thing ever.

I mean, I know he didn't do comedy, but when I think classics of African American film I think, like, Sidney Poitier, not Ice Cube. Surely something more in this vein could be found for comedic film out of the African American culture block? Of course, they do feature a lot of Eddie Murphy movies, too, he's pretty good...

ANOTHER EDIT:

No, wait, wait. Maybe they think February is ICE CUBE HISTORY MONTH?

ANOTHER ANOTHER EDIT:

Actually I'm pretty sure every month is Ice Cube History Month on Comedy Central, they play those movies 24/7 it seems like.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

No you see real Yoda not prequel "Yoda" would have gone up to Palpatine and be like
"Yo, be cool Palpy, be cool"
and Palp would have been like
"Nah bro, I'm going to murder you hard out"
and Yoda would do nothing and then Palpatine would chop off Yoda's head but in doing so would chop off his own head.

Then Yoda comes back as a ghost and goes up to Ani while he's killing children and would just give him a look of disappointment and Anakin wuold feel real bad and stop and go away and think about what hes done.

[Marc v4.0]

I think everything I have ever read or seen about the Jedi points to the fact that they were, unavoidably and seriously, all just elitist assholes and the 'legend' of Jedi was that they were good and right and just and blah blah.

And they didn't fire Vader because he could kill you with a hand gesture and his suger daddy is Your Fucking Boss, who also finds the hand gesture murder a fucking tit and a half.

Also, Your boss is off his goddamn rocker.

[Bells]

Originally Posted by Magus

ICE CUBE HISTORY MONTH?

GHOSTS OF MAAAAAAAAARS!!!!!!!

[Professor Smarmiarty]

But that's the thing- the prequels made the Jedis in hypocritical, massive dickheads, even Yoda. But they were pretty sweet in the original trilogy.

As for Vader and his force choke- as clearly demonstrated in New Hope, Vader can force choke people but Imperial scientists can explode planets. Point science.
Even Palpatine knows that. That's why he does all his work with clones and deathstars and spaceships. Vader is seriously like a dude from the 19th century mocking our medicine and curing illnesses by buring people in the earth up to thier neck.