Trollslum Act 1: Welcome to Alternia

[Overcast]

>CAN WE PLEASE BE SOMEONE THAT DOESNT MAKE US WANT TO POKE OUR EYES OUT???

That depends. What do you think of Leraje?

>Bearable.

You are Leraje.

You are staring down your husktop, a half empty bottle of faygo on the ground nearby, and a deep desire in your heart that can only be quenched by your personal addiction.

>Meddle.

And so you...wait you're being trolled. This is odd, you're normally the one to do this. You wonder who it is.

>Get trolled by Caoway

Show PesterlogmelancholicChumly [MC] started trolling absentPsychologist [AP]

MC: Ahoy.
MC: TurnS\ out I value my lonG\evity over my comfort.
MC: Oh, an/) S\orry for not contactinG\ you for half a S\weep I G\ueS\S\?
AP: We all...need. A haitus. Every, once in a...while. Your, droning on. About. Romance of a different, style. Did get. Maddening. After a bit.
AP: But why end it, now?
MC: Yeah, it waS\ S\o obnoxiouS\ the way I'/) /juS\t contact you out of the blue an/) talk an/) me/)/)le an/) pro/).
MC: Oh wait, that waS\ you.
MC: But enouG\h about your me/)/)linG\ an/) inability to un/)erS\tan/) true romance.
MC: Can I aS\S\ume you alrea/)y know about the G\ame /)erpah has put toG\ether?
AP: Ah yes, the idiot.
AP: Indeed, I have.
AP: Can I extrapolate...that. He has, given. You a copy. And you, knowing. My skill. Are, about to. Ask for my assistance?
MC: Yes, an/) /)on't aS\k me why he /)eci/)e/) to put a FLARP hatinG\ S\ocial recluS\e in charG\ of /)iS\tributinG| it.
AP: I reiterate. Idiot.
MC: S\o can I count you on boar/)?
AP: Of course! How, could I. Pass up, a chance to. Meddle in your. Affairs again?
AP: The game. Is on. Once more. Adventurer.
MC: G\reat.
MC: Now S\ince I'm S\ort of new to the whole
MC: FLARPy swinG\ weapon S\tat-bat thinG\
MC: I nee/) your a/)vice on who to recruite.
MC: Will there be fiG\htinG\? Will we nee/) a muS\ician?
MC: That S\ort of thinG\.
AP: There will, almost. Certainly be. Fighting.
MC: G\oo/), I waS\ a little worrie/) I'/) have to go 600 hourS\ without punchinG\ somethinG\.
MC: Then aG\ain, I /)o remember me mentioninG\ S\trifeS\...
MC: G\ueS\S\ I waS\ worrie/) for nothinG\.
AP: Less, than. Nothing. No proper, troll entertainment...today is complete. Without mindless. Violence.
AP: So a base of. Fighters is. A good idea. We could also. Use some wit. I recommend. Sharl.
AP: He's one crafty fellow.
MC: Crafty iS\ riG\ht. S\on of a G\rub S\ol/) me a S\ho/)/)y taxi/)ermy book.
MC: Twice.
AP: ...he may be craftier than I thought.
AP: We may, also need. A healer sort. Gorrma is a good, filler for that. Spot. Also good in a...scrap.
AP: And I want. Zeb on our team.
MC: FLARP NO.
AP: Why the glub not?
MC: That moron'S\ a fliG\ht riS\k.
MC: We'll be un/)er attack by
MC: I /)on't know, a fuckinG\ flyinG\ Spi/)er an/) he'll /juS\t be S\tarinG\ off in the opposite /)irection
MC: LookinG\ at the pretty /)ouble rainbow while we all /)ie.
MC: AlS\o, G\lub?
AP: ...a friend. Rubbing off on me.
AP: But Zeb has, untapped. Potential, that can only. Be unleashed...by conflict.
AP: And, if he isn't. On our team...I might not be.
MC: ArrrrrG\h, okay I miG\ht think about maybe conS\i/)ering him.
AP: Good. In response, I know. Some powerful. Muscle...that could. Prove well to us.
AP: Note, get Piron.
MC: Who iS\ Piron?
AP: Oh yeah, you weren't there. When I pushed...her in.
AP: Sharky troll keen to kicking my ass.
MC: S\harky?
MC: Wait, /)oeS\ S\he have a muS\clebeaS\t tail, clawS\, an/) a luS\uS\ the S\ize of a whale?
AP: Close, but smaller. Lusus.
MC: S\eeme/) biG\G\er at the time...
AP: Maybe, it is big. But she will. Ruin someone's, day in a...strife.
MC: Okay, now I /)efinitely think I know her.
AP: Good, get her. She will do well.
MC: Yeah but I'm not S\ure S\he'/) want to be on the S\ame team aS\ me.
MC: When I met her, I waS\ kin/) of a /jerk and we ha/) a S\trife.
AP: Sounds. Like. You.
AP: Still, just try. If all else. Fails, I'll do it.
MC: ThiS\ iS\ G\oinG\ to be huG\e pain.
MC: I'll probably S\ave her for laS\t then.
MC: Oh, I S\houl/) recruit TerG\um aS\ well.
AP: That...may, not go well.
MC: But he haS\ S\o much /)irectionleS\S\ hate an/) rage.
MC: We /juS\t nee/) to S\teer him.
AP: He doesn't. Like me. Kinda like Glissa. But she is...worse.
AP: If you can, convince him. I'm all. For it though.
MC: Okay, you, me, S\harl, G\orrma, Piron, Tergum, and Zeb (pen/)inG\)
AP: Also. Going to invite...a secret. Weapon.
MC: CominG\ from you, that makeS\ me unneaS\y.
MC: But that /)oeS\ make eiG\ht playerS\.
MC: I'll G\o an/) G\et everybo/)y on boar/).
MC: Then I'll
MC: G\ive me a minute.
MC: ThiS\ G\ui/)e iS\ the moS\t infuriatinG\ thinG\ I've ever rea/).
MC: It outriG\ht tol/) me to lock my lipS\ with it'S\ poop/)eck.
AP: Don't trust. Guides yet. The game is new...the guides will be. Shit.
MC: Yeah, but it /)i/) S\ay they we have to S\et up a chain of clientS\ an/) S\erverS\.
MC: S\erverS\ are apparently in control of the client'S\ enviroment.
MC: They manipulate it an/) help G\et the client into
MC: S\omethinG\ calle/) an incipiS\phere?
AP: Don't get...too ahead. Of yourself. We don't, know. How much. Of this shit is. Game Jargon. It'll make, more sense. Later.
MC: It S\eemS\ like that function iS\ our ticket off thiS\ /)oome/) rock.
AP: Doomed?
MC: /)erpah /)i/)n't tell you?
MC: He waS\ G\oinG\ over the G\ame co/)e or whatever the /jarG\on for that iS\.
MC: S\omething in it in/)icate/) that the planet iS\ G\oinG\ to be /)eS\troye/).
AP: ...then why. Play?
MC: Well, it's G\oinG\ to happen whether or not we play.
MC: TakinG\ part iS\ the only chance we have to S\urvive.
AP: Dammit. I knew that...idiot. Would be, the one. To doom us all.
MC: Actually he may have /juS\t S\ave/) uS\.
MC: It'S\ not like he S\ummone/) S\ome S\tupi/) S\pace rockS\ to kill uS\.
MC: I mean, who /)oeS\ that?
AP: It. Sounds like...his brand of. Idiocy.
AP: But if, you say. So.
MC: Okay, beS\t G\et your affairS\ in order then.
MC: I'll contact everyone an/) then S\et up a memo to /)eci/)e what order we do thiS\ in.
MC: But firS\T, I'm G\oinG\ to G\o G\et my boat.
MC: I hope there'S\ oceanS\ where we're G\oinG\.
AP: Not. Much. Choice. Now.
MC: Here'S\ the G\ame an/) the G\ui/)e.
melancholicChumly sent absentPsycologist file "Sgrub_remastered.texe" and "Not_dying_in_sgrub_for_assholes_v.0.01.ttxt".
AP: Will get to. Installing...
AP: Bye._.
MC: No, belay that!
MC: I'm not quite rea/)y on thiS\ en/).
MC: Oh S\hit, there'S another curse/) craS\h noiS\e.
MC: I thouG\ht I waS\ /)one with that.
AP: What. More...could you. Need?
MC: I S\till haven't cut up the lor/)whale half I /jettiS\one/) onto my front lawn.
AP: More of. This ocean life...reaper. Nonsense.
MC: No, weir/) time S\hit.
MC: Apparently we're about to be hit by a perfect S\torm of S\imiliar occuranceS\.
AP: ...okay explain. No typing quirk. What do you mean by weird time shit?
MC: It iS\n't that important.
MC: BeS\i/)eS\, I'm pretty S\ure you'll fin/) out firS\t han/) when I S\tart the memo.
AP: We are all fucking doomed.
AP: Anything else?
MC: Oh yeah.
MC: If you ever hear S\omething like two metal containerS\ beinG\ clanG\e/) toG\ether.
MC: AbS\con/) or S\omethinG\.
AP: Wut.
MC: I'm /juS\t paS\S\inG\ on a meS\S\aG\e.
AP: Alright. I'm off.
AP: Bye._.
MC: AlriG\ht, talk to you in a bit.

melancholicChumly [MC] stopped trolling absentPsychologist [AP]

Well this just got a lot less fun. You're going to need some time to contemplate this. It was just a game before, but shit most definitely just got real.

>Be someone else.

[Loyal]

>Be someone else.

You are now BURGUN!

Right now you're looking up FLARP manuals online, just to make sure you haven't forgotten the errata, and that nothing's changed too drastically since the sweeps in which you've last played.

>Never pegged you for the scholarly type. Do something less boring.

Less boring? Well, you suppose you could instead be kicking the tar out of snarky narrators who don't know when to keep their mouths shut! Would that be more in keeping with "not a scholarly type"?

>...why don't you talk to a friend?

Good idea! In fact, you've wanted to check up on your matesprit about something anyway.

>Okay, do that, then.

brutalTrifecta [BT] started trolling harmoniousStitch [HS]
BT: heeey, neeetheee!!!
HS: Burgun=Good-to-hear-from-you=how-have-you-been=
BT: supeeer.
BT: heeey, did you geeet a VISIT from theee COMMISSIONEEER yeeet?
HS: Yep=
HS: I=ll-be-making-uniforms=armor=and-so-on-after-we-deploy=
BT: greeeat!!! i was afraid theeey'd try to geeet you to FIGHT.
HS: You-and-I-both-know-you=d-secretly-like-it-if-I-were=
HS: Battling-threats-to-the-Empire-side-by-side-with-your-matesprit=
HS: Don=tell-me-the-thought-hadn=t-crossed-your-mind=
BT: heeeheee. maybeee a littleee.
BT: but i'd sooneeer look out for YOUR beeest inteeereeests,
BT: and i know you don't much careee for COMBAT.
HS: I-do-appreciate-the-concern=
HS: How-are-things-on-your-end=
HS: Keeping-busy=
BT: i will beee!!!
BT: i just finished talking with someeeoneee, actually.
BT: a youngeeer troll who's got a...
BT: eeer, SPARRING CIRCLEEE seeet up.
BT: theeey'veee agreeed to leeet meee join in till i heeead off for theee military.
BT: so long as i giveee them someee POINTERS whileee i'm theeereee!!!
HS: Burgun=
BT: what?
HS: What-kind-of===sparring-circle=
BT: i'm not planning on doing anything reeeckleeess!!!
HS: I-didn=t-say-you-were=
HS: Though-now-that-you-mention-it=
HS: What-are-you-up-to=
BT: i promiseee, it's PEEERFEEECTLY SAFEEE!!!
HS: Really=
BT: yeees!!! all aboveee board and safeee as trollkind can afford.
HS: Well=
BT: for meee, anyway. 
HS: Burgun=
BT: i meeean, THEEEY might be in for a rideee, but i doubt anything theeey can throw at meee will do moreee than keeep meee busy
BT: don't worry, neeetheee. i'll beee fineee.
HS: You=re-impossible=
BT: <3!!!
brutalTrifecta [BT] ceased trolling harmoniousStitch [HS]

That's Neethe for you. Sometimes it seems she can't decide whether she wants to be flushed or pale for you. Not that you mind. It's a lot better than blackrom!

>Oh god, troll romance. I'm outta here.

[mauve]

>Oh god, troll romance. I'm outta here.

You succeed at being outta there. You are now in Gorrma's hive.

>....why do I even bother trying to do ANYTHING anymore?

You are GORRMA, and you are very busy! There is much cooking and eating! BALLAA'S CAKE is cooling on the stove top. Several variations of PASTA SALAD are in bowls around you. A plethora of HAND-WRITTEN NOTES are scattered around the KITCHENBLOCK, each one detailing a recipe up for consideration in your new GIFT RECIPE BOOK for Aldurin.

There is also a half-eaten SANDWICH OF UNCERTAIN ORIGIN on the table next to you. It's pretty tasty.

NOMMINGTON is sleeping on the rug by the oven. Awwww. He's adorable when he's sleeping. You really can't imagine living without your trusty LUSUS by your side. It's a good thing you won't be shipped off the planet for another six sweeps or so. You still have plenty of time to spend with him. Nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with this plan.

You have moved your HUSKTOP down here to help you with your research. It looks like someone is TROLLING you.

What will you do?

>Pet Nommington.

You pat Nommington on the head. He is soft and cuddly and made of goat. Hard to imagine him tearing through walls and brutally slaughtering wildlife with his fangs of death when you see him sleeping like this.

>Respond to Troll.

Right-o!

Oh, look, it's Piron, your secret seafood supplier! You've gotten all sorts of rare and difficult-to-catch sea lifeforms from her, allowing you to create new and exotic dishes that other land-dwellers have never even heard of. Other Junior Gourmancers would be green with envy, if you actually knew any other Junior Gourmancers.


You proceed to have this conversation.

--StalkerSahagin [SS] began trolling omnipotentOmnivore [OO] --

SS: Gorrma
SS: I have some silverfish for you.
OO: really??? aweshome! ]:-O
OO: jusht what i needed!
OO: i have the besht recipe that i've been wanting to try.
OO: i can trade you for some of thoshe cryshtal thingsh you collect!
OO: i found a couple a while back. they aren't very tashty.
OO: sho you can have them.
SS: Crystals usually arn't.
SS: Salt and sugar ones are though.
SS: Thank you very much.
SS: How are the recipes?
OO: oh, they're all turning out great!
OO: i mean, there are a couple that i didn't have enough ingredientsh for
OO: sho i had to shubshtitute other shtuff inshtead,
OO: but they turned out even more exciting that way!
OO: well, except for the one where i shubshtituted broken glassh for chopped almondsh.
OO: that one didn't go sho well. i'm pretty sure the internal injuriesh are healing, though!
SS: I imagine not.
SS: Though why use glass?
OO: why not?
OO: i thought it might add to the texture.
OO: and it did!!
OO: it would have been pretty good if not for that one really sharp bit.
OO: and i'm shtill picking glassh shards out of my bracesh.
OO: anyway, i'll go find that cryshtal i've been keeping!
OO: i'll trade you for the shilverfish! maybe i can get my new recipe done
OO: before the SHGRUB game shtartsh tonight! i'll shend you shome to try
OO: if you want, when it'sh done!
SS: Well, I haven't heard anything about it.
OO: hmmm.... i hope they haven't un-invited me.
OO: lasht time people ashked me to flarp with them i got kicked out early
OO: all becaushe i tried to eat this guy'sh shtrife shbecibush
OO: jusht before he went to go fight the final bossh.
OO: he got real mad and had me booted out of the shession.
OO: total.
OO: overreaction.
OO: sho i hope the guysh in charge of the shgrub game haven't heard about
OO: that incident and decided not to invite me after all. ]:-(
OO: it wash a one-time mishtake!!
SS: What's flarp?
OO: ]:-O
OO: you haven't played before??
OO: it'sh lotsh of fun! you pick a classh and then beat up monshters
OO: and level up and find treashuresh and run the rishk of dying...
OO: it'sh aweshome!
OO: you should totally come play with ush shometime.
OO: i mean, i know that fighting for fun rather than for food ishn't really your thing,
OO: but you should give it a try!
OO: we're gonna be playing a new game called shgrub later on--
OO: i don't know if you've met aldurin derpah, but i think he'sh in charge of running it.
OO: i think he'sh picking team captainsh too, though i don't really know who thoshe are yet.
OO: at any rate, if i find out, i'll put in a good word for you!
SS: Glissa mentioned it before.
OO: oh cool! maybe she'sh in charge?
OO: if sho, i hope that meansh you're invited too!
OO: i think you'd enjoy flarping.
OO: well, i gotta get going. i think i hear the magma shpidersh trying to
OO: eshcape the confines of the oven. again. ]>:-\
OO: i really gotta get myshelf a new one. maybe sharl hash one i can buy.
OO: anyway, i'll go find thoshe cryshtalsh for you!
OO: i know they're here shomewhere.
OO: shee you shoon!
---omnipotentOmnivore [OO] stopped trolling StalkerSagahin [SS]---
SS: Ok.

Oh wow. Now you had to go track down that silverfish recipe you'd been wanting to try. AND you had to remember you hid that crystal. The one you DIDN'T try to eat.

.....Hopefully there was one you didn't try to eat. You're pretty certain there was, but sometimes it's hard for you to remember. You've eaten so many things during your short lifespan that they all sort of blend together in your memories sometimes.

Well, that memory problem is either due to the fact that you've eaten more things than you can keep track of, or the fact that you've eaten more things that are liable to give you brain damage than you can keep track of.

Oh well! Time for another item-hunting adventure!

>Be someone else for a while, PLEASE.

[Bard The 5th LW]

>Be someone else for a while, PLEASE.

"Nurse, SCALPEL."

>Wait, what?

A dishelved looking troll stands diligently over an OPERATING TABLE, bright green blood scattered all about. Seemingly from nowhere, a white VULTURE wearing a nurse's hat extends a talon with a scalpel. He proceeds make several incisions. It appears a large amount of shrapnel has made its way into the patient's gut.

A jury-rigged heap of scrap metal with some wiring on a table to the left is also connected the bleeding troll. A string of beeps that were being emitted from it suddenly go flat.

"We're losing him! Get the defibrillator stat!"

>What is this I don't even

The avian nurse brings over two small devices. The young Alternian barely gives warning as he brings them down onto the victim's chest, letting out a strong electrical charge. The device shows the heart rate pick up. The young troll struggles and tries to lift himself off the table, but the doctor forces him down, injecting him with the contents of a syringe. At this point he ceases fighting and collapses back onto the colorful operating table.

"DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME!"

>I don't understand what I'm seeing here

We skip ahead about an hour into the operation. It appears that the case was a complete failure. The slipshod surgeon is brooding off to the side, fighting back the lime colored tears of his failure, and his scavenger assistant is dragging the corpse off to elsewhere to do Jegus knows what.

>Seriously, who is this douche-bag

ALAN PROBE

Hey, hey, guess what?

WRONG.

Thats the opposite of correct. Try again.

NASRYL VAROLA

You are NASRYL VAROLA, and you have one interest. SAVING LIVES. You have dedicated yourself to assisting the people of Alternia by pursuing the practices of surgery and medicine. You are okay sort of at this. You can assure people that more than half of your patients are alive when they leave the door. From your hive you run a MAKESHIFT HOSPITAL where you aid injured EXPLORERS, FLARPERS, or any average Joe who gets themselves into a bind. No questions asked. Supplies are hard to come by, but you have managed to get things running through a variety of contacts and creativity.

When the time comes for you to join the military in the fight for ALTERNIAN GLORY, you plan to enter the ranks of the GREEN TRICROSS. The members of the GREEN TRICROSS offer relief and first aid to the other members of the vast troll military. Its doctors and scientist are also experts of BIOLOGICAL WARFARE, and they employ a large reservoir of viruses, bacterium, and nerve agents in there battles against the planet's foes. You work on a much smaller budget, but you still have managed to round up a collection of viruses and other pathogens from the many treatments you provide. These are all kept in a cheap lab located in the cellar of your HIVE. You and your lusus tout a powerful IMMUNE SYSTEM, so you are at little to no risk when dealing with these diseases.

These are all things that you would use to introduce yourself if you weren't busy dealing with the loss of your most recent patient.

>Let him brood. Go find someone more comprehensible.

[Token]

>Let him brood. Go find someone more comprehensible.

You are far too busy being Tergum to be comprehensible.

==>Tergum: Troll Hours in the future (but only two)

You're having trouble remembering the last time you were this angry. You swear to jegus, you're about to do an acrofuckingbatic maneuver off the metaphorical handle.

==>Seethe.

Your friends suck bulge like a cheap Sexecutioner.

==>Elaborate.

Fuck that noise. You'd rather not think about it.

==>Too bad. Flashback.

You are now Tergum in the distant past of an hour and a half ago. You have just finished watching the most recent episode of Pokegrub with your lusus, and the bonding experience has left you feeling relatively elated. You are certain that nothing in the immediate future will ruin that.

Shit. Your GRUPTOP is beeping; you're being pestered.

==>Answer troll.

meloncholicChumly [MC] started trolling antipathicHopper
MC: TerG\um.
MC: Hey TerG\um!
MC: Come with me an/) you will S\ee a place calle/) KiS\meS\iS\ IS\le!
AH: Wh[] need Kis^^esis Is|_e? It's safer at the d[][ks.
AH: But seri[]us|_y, [a[]way, are y[]u pr[]p[]siti[]ning ^^e?
AH: We b[]th kn[]w that ain't g[]ing d[]wn. After a|_|_, I have a perfe[t|_y good b|_a[kr[]m/
AH: With the entire universe.
AH: Whi[h ^^eans that Y[]U are s^^a|_|_ti^^e.
MC: /juS\t tryinG\ to G\et your attention.
MC: An/) now that I have it,
MC: How woul/) you like to /join my team?
AH: That depends. Wh[]'s []n it s[] far?
MC: MyS\elf an/) Lera/je for S\tarterS\.
MC: I'm conS\i/)erinG\ G\orrma an/) thiS\ one feral fiS\h-G\irl.
AH: H^^. I'|_|_ be h[]nest, G[]rr^^a s[]rt []f s[ares ^^e.
AH: It's just the way she dr[][]|_s when she |_[][]ks at Strize.
AH: Freaks ^^e []ut.
AH: Besides, |_eraje and I d[]n't rea|_|_y get a|_[]ng...
MC: I'm not too fon/) of hiS\ viewS\ on romance either.
MC: But /)ealinG\ with hiS\ conS\tant me/)/)linG\ iS\ better than the alternative.
AH: Fair en[]ugh. I'|_|_ think ab[]ut it.
MC: Okay, I'll G\et back to you in a little while.
MC: I S\till have to /)eal with an irrate royal an/) a lor/)whale butt.
AH: G[][]d |_u[k with that.
melancholicChumly [MC] stopped trolling antipathicHopper [AH]
melancholicChumly [MC] started trolling antipathicHopper [AH]
MC: Oh, an/) if you can fin/) the time, coul/) you pleaS\e check out my /journal exerpt on the TTOTHA boar/).
MC: I'm in /)eS\erate nee/) of S\ome conS\tructive criticiS\m.
melancholicChumly [MC] stopped trolling antipathicHopper [AH]

Well, that wasn't nearly as horrible as it could have been. You check your conversation with Zebrek and...

Shit.

Mother of fuck.

That pail-drinker decided to tell Leraje about your non-existent hate crush on Troll Joey. You suppose it could be worse; that meddling idiot could be trolling you right now.

==>Tergum's Grubtop: Beep.

Oh no. Speak of the dumbass...

==>Tergum: Answer Leraje.

absentPsychologist[AP] started trolling antipathicHopper[AH]
AP: I want. To talk...to you about. Your, unhealthy. Attraction. To a fictional, character.
AH: []h f[]r fu[k's sake...
AH: I d[]n't [are what Zebrek t[]|_d y[]u.
AH: I a^^ N[]T attra[ted t[] Tr[]|_|_ J[]ey.
AH: []ther than the fa[t that he is part []f the kn[]wn universe, whi[h I have a we|_|_ d[][umented kis^^essitude with.
AP: I want. You to...describe. Troll Joey. For me.
AH: He's ann[]ying.
AH: Ta|_ks t[] ^^e even th[]ugh I want n[]thing t[] d[] with hi^^.
AH:Sp[]uts use|_ess [rap n[] []ne [ares ab[]ut.
AH: [an't see^^ t[] take a hint.
AH: He's a |_[]t |_ike y[]u, in that regard.
AP: Oh dear.
AP: Tergum. I like you...in a way. But, we both know I. Don't hate you. Nor like...you in that. Way.
AP: I know. Saying that...took a lot of, courage. But...I just can't be that. To you.
AP: I'm sorry.
AP: I'll leave. You alone...for this.
absentPsychologist[AP] ceased trolling antipathicHopper[AH[
AH: What.
AH: The.
AH: [[][k.

==>Tergum: what.



You cannot believe that just happened. You had no intention of entering a blackrom with that overreaching idiot! Zebrek. Will. Pay.

==> Make him pay.

antipathicHopper [AH] started trolling spectacularHellion [SH]
AH: ZEBREK Y[]U S[]N []F A FU[K.
AH: WHAT ^^ADE Y[]U THINK IT WAS A G[][]D IDEA T[] TE|_|_ |_ERAJE THAT I'^^ IN HATE WITH A FI[TI[]NA|_ [HARA[TER
AH: N[]w he's a|_|_ up in ^^y gri|_|_.
SH: i thought he could help you out you know give you some advice its not good for you
AH: I wi|_|_ pun[h y[]u in the b[]ne bu|_ge.
SH: if punching something makes you feel better id rather you not punch me though that would hurt
AH: Hurting y[]u was s[]rt []f the entire fu[king p[]int.
SH: dude you dont have to get angry leraje and i are just trying to help and you shouldnt try to have a kismesissitude with me i mean youre nice and all but i dont really like you that way sorry
AH: WHAT
AH: WHY D[] PE[]P|_E KEEP
AH:I ^^EAN WHAT THE
AH: N[]T EVEN RE^^[]TE|_Y WHAT I WAS INSINUATING.
SH: ok dude slow down i told you i dont really like you like that sorry but you dont need to insinuate anything to me
SH: you know what im gonna take off give you some time to figure it out dude good luck i hope you work everything out
- spectacularHellion [SH] ceased trolling antipathicHopper [AH] -
AH: IT KEEPS HAPPENING

==>Tergum: Rage.



DONE AND DONE.

==>Tell Caoway where he can shove his team.

antipathicHopper [AH] started trolling melancholicChumly [MC]
AH: Hey. Just sp[]ke with |_eraje.
AH: I'^^ pretty sure that if I'^^ []n the sa^^e tea^^ as hi^^, he WI|_|_ DIE.
AH: That w[]u|_d pr[]bab|_y be [ounterpr[]du[tive.
MC: You G\ot to be fuckinG\ ki/)/)inG\ me.
MC: After all that trouble I went throuG\h to G\et a hol/) of Zeb.
MC: You meS\S\aG\e me an/) tell me thiS\.
MC: I gueS\S\ thiS\ iS\ the point where my /)ay really turnS\ S\our.
AH: He's []n y[]ur tea^^ as we|_|_?
AH: Sweet jegus I'^^ g|_ad I w[]n't be p|_aying with y[]u fu[kers.
MC: Perfect. /juS\t fuckinG\ perfect.
AH: Su[k it up.
MC: You're tellinG\ ME to S\uck it up?
MC: All riG\ht fine. I'll en/)ure thiS\ crock of S\hit I S\eem to have fallen into an/) am now wa/)ing throuG\h.
MC: You're wor/)S\ have fuckinG\ lifte/) my S\piritS\.
MC: I'll not only roun/) up the neceS\S\ary amount of playerS\.
MC: I'll fuckinG\ lea/) them to victory.
AH: Yeah, that's [ute.
AH: B|_uh b|_uh, n[] []ne [ares.
AH: I kn[]w y[]u're fu[king devestated that I w[]n't p|_ay with you, but jegus.
AH: If y[]u're that fu[king desperate t[] spend ti^^e with ^^e, d[]n't bring pe[]p|_e I hate.
MC: You hate everyone!
AH: Exa[tly. Whi[h is why y[]ur []bvi[]us|_y transparent red fee|_ings t[]wards ^^e are unrequieted.
MC: ...
MC: You can't be S\eriouS\.
AH: I just d[]n't pity y[]u. S[]rry.
MC: Hate an/) pity, hate an/) pity.
MC: IS\ that all anybo/)y ever thinkS\ about?
AH: I h[]pe we [an sti|_|_ be hatefriends.
AH: And just s[] y[]u kn[]w, it's n[]t ^^e.
AH: It's y[]u.
MC: You know what, I'm not broken up about you not /joininG\ anymore.
MC: ThiS\ talk haS\ really helpe/).
AH: I'^^ g|_ad. {:-)
AH: Have fun with the du^^basses
MC: I will.
antipathicHopper [AH] stopped trolling melancholicChumly [MC]

MC: S\hiver my gog/)amn woo/)en partS\, that guy iS\ S\uch an aS\S\hat.

Well, on one hand, that helped calm you down a little. On the other, you just pissed off one of the few people you can stand to talk to, which just makes you more angry.

==>Be someone less angry.

[Flarecobra]

==> Be someone less angry

You are now just a psycho.

> Find out more about what's going on with this game.

You would if you could, but so far you have next to no information about that game.

Perhaps you could ask someone...

>Troll someone

It appears one of the few trolls you would consider "Not prey" is on. Might as well see what's up with her.

You proceed to have this conversation.
-- StalkerSahagin [SS] began trolling omnipotentOmnivore [OO] --

SS: Gorrma
SS: I have some silverfish for you.
OO: really??? aweshome! ]:-O
OO: jusht what i needed!
OO: i have the besht recipe that i've been wanting to try.
OO: i can trade you for some of thoshe cryshtal thingsh you collect!
OO: i found a couple a while back. they aren't very tashty.
OO: sho you can have them.
SS: Crystals usually arn't.
SS: Salt and sugar ones are though.
SS: Thank you very much.
SS: How are the recipes?
OO: oh, they're all turning out great!
OO: i mean, there are a couple that i didn't have enough ingredientsh for
OO: sho i had to shubshtitute other shtuff inshtead,
OO: but they turned out even more exciting that way!
OO: well, except for the one where i shubshtituted broken glassh for chopped almondsh.
OO: that one didn't go sho well. i'm pretty sure the internal injuriesh are healing, though!
SS: I imagine not.
SS: Though why use glass?
OO: why not?
OO: i thought it might add to the texture.
OO: and it did!!
OO: it would have been pretty good if not for that one really sharp bit.
OO: and i'm shtill picking glassh shards out of my bracesh.
OO: anyway, i'll go find that cryshtal i've been keeping!
OO: i'll trade you for the shilverfish! maybe i can get my new recipe done
OO: before the SHGRUB game shtartsh tonight! i'll shend you shome to try
OO: if you want, when it'sh done!
SS: Well, I haven't heard anything about it.
OO: hmmm.... i hope they haven't un-invited me.
OO: lasht time people ashked me to flarp with them i got kicked out early
OO: all becaushe i tried to eat this guy'sh shtrife shbecibush
OO: jusht before he went to go fight the final bossh.
OO: he got real mad and had me booted out of the shession.
OO: total.
OO: overreaction.
OO: sho i hope the guysh in charge of the shgrub game haven't heard about
OO: that incident and decided not to invite me after all. ]:-(
OO: it wash a one-time mishtake!!
SS: What's flarp?
OO: ]:-O
OO: you haven't played before??
OO: it'sh lotsh of fun! you pick a classh and then beat up monshters
OO: and level up and find treashuresh and run the rishk of dying...
OO: it'sh aweshome!
OO: you should totally come play with ush shometime.
OO: i mean, i know that fighting for fun rather than for food ishn't really your thing,
OO: but you should give it a try!
OO: we're gonna be playing a new game called shgrub later on--
OO: i don't know if you've met aldurin derpah, but i think he'sh in charge of running it.
OO: i think he'sh picking team captainsh too, though i don't really know who thoshe are yet.
OO: at any rate, if i find out, i'll put in a good word for you!
SS: Glissa mentioned it before.
OO: oh cool! maybe she'sh in charge?
OO: if sho, i hope that meansh you're invited too!
OO: i think you'd enjoy flarping.
OO: well, i gotta get going. i think i hear the magma shpidersh trying to
OO: eshcape the confines of the oven. again. ]>:-\
OO: i really gotta get myshelf a new one. maybe sharl hash one i can buy.
OO: anyway, i'll go find thoshe cryshtalsh for you!
OO: i know they're here shomewhere.
OO: shee you shoon!
---omnipotentOmnivore [OO] stopped trolling StalkerSagahin [SS]---
SS: Ok.


>That was less then helpful.

Fine, fine, let's see who's..

You're getting trolled now.

- spectacularHellion [SH] began trolling StalkerSahagin [SS] -
SH: heeeeeyyyyyy piron howve you been catch anything good lately find any good crystals lately wheeeeen can i come over and look at them
SS: Just some silverfish for Gorrma.
SS: She's giving me some crystals for them.
SH: thats nice so can i come over and look at them can i can i i promise not to steal any pleaaaseee
SS: Can you breathe underwater?
SH: ummmmm i dont think so
SH: ooooooooohhhhh right you live underwater
SH:
SS: You need an air supplying suit then.
SH: ok ok ill hit aldurin up for one or maybe glissa in the meantime how have you been
SS: Some of the schools have moved on for the season.
SH: schools what schools
SS: Fish.
SH: ooooohh that makes sense hey what do you think about this game were supposed to play have you heard anything
SS: I haven't heard much.
SH: i havent heard much either ive been asking everyone i bet this game will be really cool like cooler than the time twinkleberry dressed up as nocturnal wingedrat vigilante and i was extremely quizzical burglar and i was pulling a caper and wingedrat was like bam and kapow and im like ow you know
SS: Glissa's mentioned it some.
SH: maybe ill ask her nex when i hit her up for an air supplying suit
SS: Ok.

And then the guy just leaves without closing the conversation.

If he didn't have information you would need, he would be potental food for your lucus. But for now, the hunt must be put on hold.

>Do something else.

While waiting, you decide to grab yourself a snack... however, grabbing one fish from your captalouge cards caused the entire school to get loose... now they're swimming all over the place.

> What a mess. Be someone else for a while, and get those things under control!

[Intern Nin]

>What a mess. Be someone else for while, and get those things under control!

You decide to be Caoway, who has his own things to get under control. You've just finished having this conversation with Leraje when yet another loud crashing noise has caused you to leap from your TUCKUS REST PLATEAU. It sounded like these noises are coming from inside your hive too. Could it be another chronological oddity? Chronoddity? Whatever they're called, you really aren't up to dealing with another one of those things. Maybe you should try to get in touch your future self and tell him to cut this shit out.

But he/you did say that that was only conversation you have with yourself. Does that mean you can't contact him? And if you do, will paradox space implode upon itself? This is pretty confusing. Time really isn't your thing.

Augh, there's another crash and it definitely came from inside the hive. What should you do?

>Caoway: Retreive blank journal from desk.

You stupidly ignore the possible danger within your own hive and move to captchalogue your last blank journal. If future you is to be believed, then there's a new adventure on the horizon. One that you will most likely want to chronicle, to share with any survivors who thirst for tales of true romance.

You captchalogue the blank tome and the AMPHIBIOUS IDOL OF CATACLYSM is shifted onto a cresting FETCHMODUS wave. It's expelled out of the SYLLADEX and rebounds off the wall.

>Caoway: FFFFFFFF-Catchyegrabbit!

You leap to catch it but you fall just short of nabbing the croaker. You watch in horror as the memento from your last expedition slowly falls-

...right into the open jaws of your stuffed splash-hound! Salty catch, Ten! Never before have you been so thankful for the bizarre angle of your head!

GOOD DEAD DOG.
BEST TROPHY.

This tender moment of silliness is broken by a crashing noise punctuated with the roar of an ocean big cat-thing.

Beechie!

> Caoway: Go investigate noise.

You jump down the stairs and clear the etc-etc-etcBLOCK in just a few steps and squeeze through entryway to Beechies block. His block is easily the largest in the hive and is furnished with only a small pool of salt water for wading in, a great big pillow filled with SCAVENGER-AVIAN DOWN, a Sea Sabrecat sized waterbowl, and a few fish left over from the pile earlier. And of course, one blind and noseless Sea Jagauren who is flipping the fuck out and ramming into walls-OHSHIT!

Something must've spooked the big guy and now he's trying to bust his way out of the block. You have to stop him or else he could bring the whole hive down on both of you!

>Caoway: Rub his belly like you did earlier.

No way, when he's like this he could accidently flatten you if you get too close. There's only one way to calm him down now: soothing music!

>Caoway: Whip out concertina and churn out a sea chantey.

Come get your duds in order
For we're going to leave tomorrow
Heave away, me jollies, heave away
Come get your duds in order
For we're going to cross the water
Heave away, me jollies, heave away!

Your voice doesn't seem to be calming him down. He suddenly rushes you. You dodge with a sea leg jump and your lusus crashes into the opposite wall. He resumes his head banging on the opposite wall. Cracks are forming! Quick, try something else!

>Caoway: Uh, you wouldn't happen to own a music delivery thing would you?

Yes, you do have a vintage VINYL MUSIC DISK PLAYER! You hastily exit the block and make you way to the device. You take your special mix disk out of the sleeve, pop it in, and crank up the volume. The whole hive is soon filled with the vocal stylings of TROLL DIANA ROSS AND THE TWO WOMEN WHO STAND ABOVE ALL OTHERS IN NOT ONLY THEIR RESPECTIVE MUSICAL GENRE BUT IN ALL OTHER GENRES AS WELL. Normally, your not too fond of songs about relationships but you can't deny the catchiness of these ladies' sweet sound.

It soothes not only your soul but also the savage beast's.

>Caoway: Tend to lusus.

Hey, what's going on matey?

He's calmed down now and is lying on the pillow you made for him. You pet him on the snout.

What set him off? Is there danger? Well, of course there's danger. The world's going to end. Could his keen animal instincts have alerted him to the impending apocalypse? Is that even possible? Too many mysteries. Too many things on your nutrition plateau at the moment. But priority number one right now is getting your team up, running, and out of here before the opposition does and gets you killed as a result.

Well, you don't actually know if it will happen that fast. It occurs to you now that you were never told how much time you have between the game starting and the world ending. You'll have to remember to bug Aldurin about that detail after you've assembled the players.

Irregardless of how soon your impending doom is, you should still get a move on. No need to risk the lives of your lusus, friends, and you.

>Caoway: Return to RESPITEBLOCK.

You are now back in your RESPITEBLOCK. You can still hear the music player blasting out You can't hurry hate from down stairs. You decide to leave it on, in case Beechie gets frightened again. You turn your attention to the idol lodged in Ten's mouth. Its stuck in there pretty good. Rather than risk damaging Ten or the idol, you decide to leave it in his care and position him next to the computer. Now, shall we get down to business?

>Caoway: Take out pipe and have a thoughtful puff.

You fish out a pipe from your SYLLADEX, stick it in your mouth, and begin blowing out some bubbles. This is easily the coolest thing you've done all night.

>Caoway: Continue recruitment.

With the pipe secured in your teeth, you open up the TROLLIAN window on your HUSKTOP and scroll through the trollslum. Uh oh, bathorysIllustrator's icon is blinking. She's taken notice of your activity after a half-sweep long communication blackout and is probably looking to give you a earfull (Or hornfull. You're not sure if you have ears or not) for not reporting back to her with the idol. You should probably put off talking to her for the time being.

>Caoway: Merrily solicit your hateful friend.

You do just that and proceed to have the conversation at the beginning of this post. So far so good. Hrm, she's still trying message you. Just avert your eyes, Hemnet. You don't see anything.

>Caoway: Contact the attention deficit one.

Show chatlog.

melancholicChumly [MC] started trolling spectacularHellion [SH]
MC: Ahoy Zeb.
MC: Zeb?
MC: Zeb are you there?
MC: Zeb.
MC: G\o/)/)ammit Zeb, notice the flaS\hinG\ meS\S\enG\er icon.
MC: Catch the liG\ht cominG\ off the S\creen with you optic orbS\ an/) proceS\S\ thiS\ information with your thinkpan.
MC: Then S\en/) an impulS\e throuG\h your muS\cle twitch puS\ network /)own to your lower back cortex.
MC: S\o that you may lift up your foreG\rabberS\ an/) type S\ome wor/)S\ /)own S\o I know that you're there.
MC: Zeb?
MC: ArrrG\h.
MC: Fuck it, you're not there.
melancholicChumly [MC] stopped trolling spectacularHellion [SH]

He's not answering. You probably don't have time for this nonsense. If Zeb won't answer, you'll just have to line up a replacement for him. This might make Leraje mad but he'll just have to deal with it. The noble-troll's icon still blinks. Maybe you should-

>Caoway: Reply to royal and profusely apologize.

Ignore her and try to contact Gorrma. Hopefully, she hasn't devoured her husktop. That girl has quite an appetite.

As you click on the omnipotentOmnivore icon and begin clacking away at the keyboard, the view pans aways to the whatever-BLOCK on the bottom floor where the music player is now playing Stop in the Name of BLACKROM. It switches over to your lusus, who lays serenely on his cushion, not quite sure as to why he was so worked up earlier. The view then switches to outside your hive, where the stormclouds, which never stopped raging since the you moved in, begin to dissipate.

A single red shooting star streaks across the western sky. In less than three hours, the sky will be filled with many similar bolts of crimson fire.

You won't notice that happening, just like you didn't notice this one, even though you will be outside. You will be too focused on Beechie, who is also outside with you. Beechie will be laying over the foot of the cape, with a large sharp rock impaling him through his chest.

The bi-daily tidal wave was bigger than usual that night.

>Be someone with a less depressing future.

[Overcast]

>Be someone with a less depressing future.

You are Leraje, and as far as you know no one close to you is going to die horribly any time soon. Though you'll only later notice that Seymour had gone missing, you will be far too caught up in your maddening manipulations.

Which began with the contact of the salty Caoway with his odd romantic definitions and had this conversation. Which made your whole scene much more desperate. Your suggestions had been much more benign before, of a properly put together team, you were willing to sacrifice a position to him in order for him to have the angry Tergum. It gave you leeway to have the twitchy minded Zeb. Though now that it was the end of the world you would have to tighten the noose on some loose ends.

But how?

>Get inspired by Zeb

Show Pesterlog- spectacularHellion [SH] began trolling absentPsychologist [AP] -
SH: heeeeey leraje
SH: just thought id tell you maybe you should talk to tergum i think hes been having red feeling or black feelings or both for troll joey and thats not good for him right
AP: You'll. Need to help...me here. Who is troll? Joey?
SH: like this character from pokegrub you know tergum hates him because he things hes annoying but i dont really whenever i play i have all of the pokegrubs now its pretty awesome last time i was fighting troll flushed and hes the toughest and i wiped the floor with him awesome
AP: So not a. Hard game then?
SH: no dude its super hard but i have all of the levels all of them and i caught all the pokegrubs
AP: I wish. I lived closer. To mainland...I mostly. Only get what. People send, to me.
SH: dude thats not right here ill send you the game and we can play together sometime
spectacularHellion sent absentPsychologist the file "Pokegrub_Flushed_Gold.tnds" and "TROLL$GBA.trar"
SH: just install them on your husktop and we can play!
AP: Sweet. I'll get, started right. Now and get, all my noob...out.
SH: youll want to buy lots and lots of grubballs so you can catch them all
SH: you can meet troll joey pretty early and you can figure out why tergum hates him so much i dont get it
AP: ...Troll Joey is too much like Tergum.
SH: what do you mean i dont get it
AP: He is...pointlessly rude.
AP: He has, an unwarranted. Level of. Self...importance.
AP: He is...hateful. Like, nobody really...ought to be.
AP: Just. Like. Tergum.
SH: oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
SH: do you think thats it?
AP: Oh yeah.
SH: maybe you should tell him that you can explain this romance stuff better than me anyway
AP: Maybe. I'll think...about it.
SH: i think you should do it its not really good for him you know
AP: Bluh. Fine, I'll. Get to it...soon.
AP: But first...more pokegrub.
SH: okay dude thanks a lot ive gotta go now but have fun well play pokegrub later see you
- spectacularHellion [SH] ceased trolling absentPsychologist [AP] -

Of course this theory was a trap. Except the pokegrub, you actually was a good gain from this exchange, but you had to make the hate that Tergum had for you get bigger than before.

>Manipul8

I'll have none of that spider nonsense. Say it right.

>Manipulate.

Good. And so you had this conversation.

A fairly easy technique, you listen to what someone is saying and you ignore it and use your own statement as a perfect truth. It seemed to get his nommington so if he was right he'd be on his way to Caoway again to pull out.

>Check in on machinations.

Show PesterlogabsentPsychologist [AP] started trolling melancholicChumly [MC]
AP: Something. Came up...I don't. Think Tergum, is going to want. To be with us...anymore.
MC: I know, he /juS\t tol/) me that he'S\ not G\oinG\ to be on our team.
MC: What the hell /)i/) you an/) Zeb S\ay to him?
AP: Forget it He's an asshat.
AP: They key is...who is going to. Replace him?
MC: There iS\ no one elS\e.
MC: That'S\ kin/) of the whole reaS\on why I'm piS\S\e/).
MC: When I coul/)n't get a hol/) of Zeb imme/)iately I S\tarte/) lookinG\ for a replacement for him.
MC: I talke/) to everyone.
MC: Iropha, S\caliS\' fliG\hty retro-rival, some G\o/)/)amn weir/)o who I think waS\ tryinG\ to G\lare at the S\ceen while he waS\ talkinG\ to me.
MC: They all S\ai/) no.
AP: Dammit. I can...only think. Of one more.
AP: But...I don't want to. Say it.
AP: Because she, fucking. Hates me.
MC: An/) I know S\he'S\ furiouS\ with me.
AP: ...okay. Explain. Why Glissa...is furious. With you.
AP: Is it the. Ocean, life reaper. Thing?
MC: No, an/) will you S\top brinG\inG\ it up like it'S\ S\ome kin/) of weir/) thinG\!
MC: S\ee before I /)roppe/) off the face of Alternia and S\lummed aroun/) in my own S\elf loathinG\,
MC: GliS\S\a aS\ke/) me to check out a froG\ temple on the oppoS\ite S\i/)e of the planet from her an/) pick up S\omethinG\ for her muS\eum.
MC: I G\ot an i/)ol from there but I forG\ot to G\ive it to her.
AP: You'll. Have, to apologize. Then.
MC: ...
MC: You think /)erpah will be okay with /juS\t S\even playerS\?
AP: Dude. What is your deal?
AP: Are you afraid?
MC: Me? Afrai/)?
MC: I fiG\ht /)eep oneS\ on a /)aily fuckinG\ baS\iS\, for S\uS\tenance an/) G\iG\G\leS\!
AP: But you can't face Glissa. And apologize.
AP: *applause* such bravery.
MC: Fuck you.
MC: Fine, I'll G\o apoloG\ize an/) lan/) that S\now queen for our team.
MC: Happy?
AP: Yup.
MC: ArrrrrrrG\h.
MC: The thinG\S\ I /)o /juS\t to clock another niG\ht.
melancholicChumly [MC] stopped trolling absentPsychologist [AP]

AP: Heh heh heh heh.
AP: Just as planned.

It wasn't typically your way to risk showing your hand, but it had gone too perfectly. All the mechanization worked together, Tergum was on the other side, Zeb was on this one, Caoway was on his way to apologize to the royal and she would be near enough to ship. Maybe the salty fellow and the uptight royal could be a good match after this little confession of wrongness.

Only time would tell, but you still had some recruiting to do. Bergum and maybe Piron if Caoway had issues.

Wheels within wheels.

[The SSB Intern]

> Wheels within wheels.

You are now Vintag.

> ...What.

You have retrieved your BIG PLANS and now all that remains is the final and most important component. This will require some outside assistance. Luckily, your ally has agreed not to disclose the details of your performance lest it lose some of its luster.

> Pester ally.

- burlesqueBalderdash [BB] began trolling hastyExecutor [HE] -

BB:O>o iropha STOP
BB:O>o the preparations are complete STOP
BB:O>o it is time for the pies STOP
BB:O>o i trust that you have handled my 40 pies with care STOP
BB:O>o even the slightest of mishandling will render them inadequate for proper pile dynamics STOP
BB:O>o also make sure they are not cakes STOP
BB:O>o people seem to have trouble with that STOP

The message is sent. Now you wait for the signal.

> Be the best troll.

[Bard The 5th LW]

> Be the best troll.

You are now the cold current queen herself, Glissa.

You are currently fuming over the the light in your CHUMPROLL that indicates a certain salty sea-dog is alive and well. Why hasn't he spoken to you over all this time!

>Artisan: Tear into Sage

You're going to give him a piece of your mind.

Show Pesterlog-- bathorysIllustrator [BI] has begun trolling melancholicChumly [MC] --

BI: Pardone my language please
BI: But whate the goddamn fucke
MC: Ahoy
MC: GliS\S\a
MC: ...
MC: You're probably won/)erinG\ why I never came back with any artifactS\ or bothere/) to contact you.
MC: An/) you're no /)oubt ma/) that I've been avoi/)inG\ you.
BI: I honeste to Gog thought you've been deade this whole time.
BI: Is that the sorte of thing you like to leave hanginge over people's heads?
MC: S\orry.
BI: *Clap* *Clap*
BI: Wondrouse speakinge skills Caoway.
BI: You certainly have beene practicing.
BI: Is there any purpose to this discussion?
BI: No silly accent. I'm not in the mood to type out extra e's for you.
MC: What elS\e /)o you want me to S\ay, La/)y FroS\ty G\illS\?
MC: I'm S\orry I forG\ot to contact you an/) le/) you to believe I waS\ /)ea/) for half a S\weep.
MC: I've was kin/) of cauG\ht up in thiS\ whole S\elf loathinG\ thinG\ an/) between G\ettinG\ foo/) for Beechie an/) myS\elf, I /juS\t /)i/)n't take the time to think about you or anyone elS\e for that matter.
MC: I'm S\ort of a /jerk like that.
MC: It's no excuS\e, I know.
MC: But that'S\ why I'm apoloG\izinG\. What more do you want?
MC: /)o I, the lowly peaS\ant, have to /)o a fuckinG\ cruS\tacean /)ance for your royal forG\iveneS\S\?
BI: I know very little of your personal problems, but an apology is a start.
BI: A dance would certainly be a gesture of goodwill, but not now.
BI: Why do you suddenly care to speak with me?
MC: Have you hear/) about the G\ame /)erpah haS\ put toG\ether?
BI: Well of course.
BI: He made it from information from the ruins I showed him.
BI: Has he finished it yet?
MC: Yeah he haS\. An/) he put me in charG\e of /)iS\tributinG\ it an/) puttinG\ toG\ether a team.
MC: For reaS\onS\ I'm S\ure ma/)e perfect S\enS\e to him.
MC: AS\ it happenS\, I'm a player S\hort an/) I've alrea/)y trie/) talkinG\ everyone elS\e i know into /joininG\. Even a few trollS\ I never met before.
MC: LonG\ an/) i/)iotic S\tory ma/)e S\hort, they all S\ai/) no.
BI: Feels great to know I was picked last for this game of Alternian doom dodgeball. Really.
BI: Does this mean I was choses after Leraje and Tergum? Ouch.
BI: Tell me, who else is in this motley crew?
MC: Zebrek, G\orrma, S\harl, Lera/je, Piron, an/) S\omeone I haven't actually met yet.
MC: Oh an/) myS\elf aS\ well.
BI: Yes.
BI: You are offering so much incentive right now.
BI: Meddle meister supreme and the uncouth merchant. Not thrilled with you either right now.
BI: However, I'll join because I told Piron I'd play the game with her.
BI: So I will tolerate Leraje's nonexistant sense of privacy and even Sharl's disgusting habits.
BI: I will even bare through the suffering of Zebrek's inability to remember a detail that doesn't pertain to butterflies, pixies, and other whimsical nonexistant things.
MC: S\poken like a true hoity-toity royal. What a trooper.
BI: I will disregard that remark for the moment being.
BI: How am I to go about playing this game?
MC: I'll S\en/) you the file, pluS\ thiS\ really helpful G\ui/)e /)erpah wrote.
melancholicChumly sent bathorysIllustrator file "Sgrub_remastered.texe" and "Not_dying_in_sgrub_for_assholes_v.0.01.ttxt".
MC: Be S\ure to rea/) the inS\tructionS\ very carefully.
BI: Oh yes that is certainly something I will do.
BI: If that is all I bid you adieu.
BI: Just remember that I expect that dance later.
MC: Fine, next time we meet in perS\on. I'll make a note of it.

-- bathorysIllustrator [BI] has ceased trolling [COLOR=dark"SeaGreen"]melancholicChumly [MC][/COLOR] --

You certainly showed him. When the time comes, he better do the dance right, because the consequences of failure are quite severe.

Anyways, you decide to move onto the guide. You gloss over the title and skip right into the... dammit Derpah.

>Dammit Derpah

You are now Nasryl. Much like Ms. Frost Gills, you are encountering quite the problem with the supposed 'Scientist' as well. It is quite painful really. You just failed to save this guys life and now you are having to tell Aldurin why he is stupid and fated to die.

>Lets watch

Your headache.

Show Pesterlog-- technopathicalAnomaly [TA] began trolling hazardousPracticioner [HP] --
TA: I fIgUrEd It's bEst If I mAkE sUrE thIs Is nOrmAl
TA: ElEctrIc shOcks ArEn't hUrtIng mE As mUch AnYmOrE
TA: I'm lItErAllY pOkIng A lIght sOckEt rIght nOw And I dOn't EvEn twItch
TA: hOnEstlY It kIndA fEEls gOOd
HP: Hush
HP: Im brXXding
HP: ...
HP: Xk, brXXding cXmplete
TA: sO Am I dYIng?
TA: Or Is thIs A sUpErpOwEr?
HP: Well, I've seen anXmalies befXre
HP: But I can Xnly assume yXur nXrmal until prXven Xtherwise
HP: My persXnal diagnXsis is that yXu have been Xverly expXsed and yXur nerves are being deadened
HP: Treatment: stXp being stupid
HP: Wear sXme rubber glXves
TA: bUt I AlrEAdY wEAr mY cOmbAt glOvEs
TA: whIch ArE mEtAl
TA: bUt thOsE dOn't hUrt UntIl I pOkE A 2 gIgA-wAtt cIrcUIt
HP: If I was nXt dedicated tX my cause, I wXuld prXbably kill yXu myself
HP: Wearing metal when dealing electricity ELECTRXCUTES yXu
HP: I just lXst a patient to an explXded hive
HP: I'm in nX mXXd fXr this level Xf retardatiXn
TA: wEll yOU ArE thE dOctOr
TA: bUt I jUst thInk yOU'rE jEAlOUs, I ActUAllY gEt A pOwEr
TA: sUrE I cAn't sAvE lIvEs bUt I cAn prOtEct mInE In A thUndErstOrm
TA: I wOndEr whAt wOUld hAppEn If I tOUchEd thE OUtgOIng cIrcUIt frOm mY bAckUp gEnErAtOr . . .
HP: RecXmmended treatments:
HP: 1. Wear Rubber glXves
HP: 2. StXp trying tX kill yXurself
HP: AlsX, I've been hearing talk Xf yXu trying tX give mechanical limbs tX Xthers
HP: Is this true? If sX I have a few chXice wXrds fXr yXu
TA: I hAvEn't pErfEctEd A UnIt yEt
TA: And vOlUntEErs ArE hArd tO cOmE bY In mY ArEA
TA: Is thIs AlsO AbOUt yOU stIll bEIng mAd fOr hAvIng tO trEAt mE bEcAUsE Of prOtOtypE 34 fAIlIng?
TA: mEntAl IntErfAcE Is thE bIggEst chAllEngE Of mY wOrk
HP: I'm angry because mechanical limbs are a STUPID idea Xn the whXle
HP: They require a lXt of maintenance, and are far frXm a permanent sXlutiXn
HP: "WXX-HXX I'm a tXtal tXXl with my rXbXtic arm!"
HP: Well guess what?
HP: The rest Xf the bXdy will grXw and repair, but the machine WXN'T
HP: CXnstant repair and replacements and sX much fixing invXlved
HP: Its just retarded
HP: What makes anyXne think its a gXXd idea
HP: It wXuld wxrk much better tX replace the arm with ANXTHER ARM
HP: Might be hard tX find Xne that wXn't be rejected by the hXst
HP: But science mXves Xn, and there are many already dead
TA: . . .
TA: yOU rEAllY hAtE tEchnOlOgY dOn't yOU?
TA: bUt I knOw thAt rObOtIc ImplAnts ArE OnlY tEmpOrArY
TA: thE UltImAtE gOAl Is tO AchIEvE mEntAl trAnsfErrEncE
TA: bEcOmE An EntIrE rObOt, And thUs bEcOmE ImmOrtAl dEpEndIng On yOUr sUrvIvAl skIlls
HP: HXw in the fuck have yXu not blXwn yXuself up?
HP: Are yXu magical?
HP: Thats fucking it!
HP: YXu clearly have fairy dust Xf sXme sXrt flXwing thrXugh yXur mutant veins
HP: Its the Xnly explanatiXn as tX why yXu have nXt killed yXurself!
HP: Because nX Xne has that kind Xf luck!
HP: NX Xne
HP: Be sure tX drXp by sXme time sX I can harness this trait fXr the gXXd Xf all trXll-kind
HP: Until then, gXXd-day, and dXn't die

-- hazardousPractitioner [HP] has ceased trolling technopathicalAnomaly [TA] --

The things you do for that guy... honestly he'd be a walking prosthetic if it weren't for you. Probably of his own volition. You have a bad premonition that you will be keeping him alive for a while. Its not an easy job, and you sometimes considering abandoning him, but its your duty as a doctor/surgeon to preserve all life.

>Check on Lusus

Cathara? She's cleaning up the body in the other room. You're not particularly squeamish, but you don't like to watch the process. If you did enter, you'd see that you failed to remove all of the shrapnel from the corpse, and that your lusus was choking to death.

Oh the pain of telling the poor green blood's lusus that his ward had fallen. It would be a very heartrending scene if the meteors didn't appear and preclude any further interaction with the rest of Alternia.

>Be someone who isn't an orphan. Orphans suck.