Alternate 8-bit: The story.

*Whitemage*See this wooden staff?! I'm going to shove it so far up your ass yer' gonna' be questioning your sexuality for the remainder of time! >: /

*chixdigpaleguys*SAVE ME JEEBUS! >_<


As our two destined heroes walk the outskirts of the city, they stradegize on how to save the world from ceartain destruction..

*chixdigpaleguys*So I says to him.. that's no ogre, THAT'S MY WIFE! XD

*Whitemage*God I hate you...

*chixdigpaleguys*Hey, you know.. as a whitemage you could be a little more, oh I don't know.. GOOD!

*Whitemage*What for?! You're deciet exceeds words, you should have your belt taken away for the lies you have commited to a preist!

*chixdigpaleguys*And what lie would that be hmm?!

*Whitemage*You promised me women damnit! You said, and I quote.. "You are one of the destined light warriors! I can feel it in your chi! Join my quest brave mage of light!"

*chixdigpaleguys*AND?! I never said otherwise that you weren't!

*Whitemage*I also declined, and you said "They'll be many damsels wanting to make love to the warriors of light." and as we both know I immideatly packed my bags and we were out of the temple within ten minutes.

*chixdigpaleguys*AHA! Now who's the lier?! It only took us NINE minutes!

*Whitemage*-_-

*chixdigpaleguys*Guess now we're even..

*Whitemage*I pray you get cancer. -_- (Note: I've said that before. XD )

****WOOOOOOOSH!****

*Whitemage*What the?!

*chixdigpaleguys*Don't panic Whitemage! They're probably some tourists looking for the nearest town..

x5.
Braaaaaaaains!

*chixdigpaleguys*Possibly from Utah..

*Whitemage*They're zombies you bafoon! >: /

*chixdigpaleguys*Well don't just stand there! Cast harm or something!

*Whitemage*Oh yes, waste MY limited spell pool of energy because you were an idiot who couldn't avoid a horde of undead!

*chixdigpaleguys*Hey, atleast I knew they were from Utah..

*Whitemage*My patience is wearing thin like mother's head of hair.. -_-

*Zombies*BRAIIIIIIINS! *The zombies sorround chixdigpaleguys and look inside his ear, they tap his head and it feels hallow, they then shove him and start to attack Whitemage.*

*Zombies*BRAAAAAAINS!

*chixdigpaleguys*Don't worry Whitemage! I'll save you!

*Whitemage*If you're the only thing that can save me I've been religous for nothing.. *Matrix music plays and things go slow motion as chixdigpaleguys jumps in the air, the camera swirves and suddenlly he kicks the head square off one of the zombie's bodies. He then does fast punches on another zombie making it come into contact with a boulder, kicks it just as fast, keeps kciking while reading a newspaper, the punches THAT head off then uses the body as a missle, throws it at the other zombies as a diversion, then charges with his arms out chopping off two OTHER zombie heads, then he just gives a cheesy mean glare at the last zombie and that zombie just lowers his head and yanks off his own head and dies.*

*chixdigpaleguys*No need to thank me Whitemage.

*Whitemage*Good, cause I wasn't planning to..

*chixdigpaleguys*You know, we should be at Coneria soon.

*Whitemage*Sounds like a breakfast cereal..

*chixdigpaleguys*Did you umm.... bring a map, cause.... I don't know the way.. ~_~ *Whitemage falls over anime style.*

*Whitemage*Well I'll make you a deal, obviously we can't be TOO far from Coneria, so whoever can find their way to Coneria first gets to pick the next light warrior.

*chixdigpaleguys*What if we both make it at the same time?

*Whitemage*Then by default I get to pick. Because you're stupid..

*chixdigpaleguys*Sounds fair enough.. *chixdigpaleguys flies like on Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon into the trees attempting to get to Coneria before Whitemage.*

*Whitemage*Moron. -_- *As Whitemage is walking someone is lurking in the bushes.*

*Sakae*Oooh! Must be my lucky day! A little hippy whitemage all alone in the woods! *Sakae trips Whitemage.*

*Sakae*Your GP or your HP.

*Whitemage*Don't need scry to see something that lame coming..

*Sakae*Come on, cough up the gold magic loser..

*Whitemage*You do realise that messing with a whitemage is bad right? The sheer karmitic effects will be more then your little elf brain can comprehend, why if you angerd my god he would probably smite you where you stand. And hell is alot like prison my friend, you would be the butt buddy of aloooooot of lonely demons, glisseining with the love energies projected by the horny devils, constantly a slave to thier physichal desires, all because you just wanted a sweet little preist's gold..

*Sakae*-_O Just give me the damn gold..

*Whitemage*Alright planB.. *Whitemage runs and screams like a little girl.*

*Sakae*Heh, what an amatuer.. *Sakae runs to and in moments catches up with Whitemage and tackles him.*

*Sakae*Saaay, you know you're kinda' soft. Instead of your gold why not just give me your hand in marriege? ^_-

*Whitemage*I'm a guy dilhole. -_-

*Sakae*I... but.... but... you... and....

*Whitemage*Let me make sure to write this down in how ALL elf men are secretly homosexual, so far I have twenty to zero.

*Sakae*But you... and the.... I'M NOT GAY! FATHER WOULD NOT APPROVE! >< *As Sakae is in peril questioning his sexuality and mourning over letting his famiely down Whitemage takes this oppurtunity to run.*

*Whitemage*Geez, what a nutjob.. He's a disgrace to his job class.


Hello kind sir, I'm from the homeless shelter, and your donations would be grand--

*Whitemage*OUTTA' MY WAY JERKASS! *Whitemage shoves the kid into a nearby trashcan and you can only see his feet.*

*Kid*I'm fine. But inside I cry..

Eh...a bit rushed, and for an "original" fanfic it seems to be nothing but an amalglam of recycled jokes. It's more of a summary with forum member names than anything else.

I predict a lock on this thread. Ask nicely that it be moved to roleplaying, and maybe the mods will move it, rather than lock/delete it.

EDIT: Here's the second part, that one mod said to refraim from double posting if possible, so I will..
Finnally Whitemage runs into Coneria territory and bumps into a blackmage.
IceyHEY WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING PUNK! >: /
WhitemageBITE ME BLACK MONGLOID! >: /
Icey..... I love you....
Whitemage>.<
Meanwhile in the forest.
chixdigpaleguysMy bollonga has a first name it's.. *Sakae pops out of the bushes.*
SakaeHello, NOW GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!
chixdigpaleguysSilly thief! I'm a blackbelt.. Money and items, a blackbelt desires not these things..
SakaeOh, well uhh... how would you like to come to town with me, beatup random people, I take thier wallets.... Uhhhhh, that way we can help others detatch themself from matireal desire?
chixdigpaleguysWow! You're almost as smart as Whitemage! Let's go do it!
SakaeSucker.. >: )
Back in town.
IceyYou're not taken are you? We could have beautiful red mages together..
WhitemagePlease die. >: /
IceyWell I'm not going to stop following you untill you go out with me.
WhitemageI'm a guy. -_-
IceySuuuuuure! And Michal Jackson is really guilty of all those molestation charges..
WhitemageWow, you're almost as stupid as chixdigpaleguys..
As the two divisions walk on, one side searching for victims, the other for a magic shop, they all bump into eachother.
chixdigpaleguysI see you found yourself a comrade to Whitemage!
IceyHey wait, I aint into no freaky stuff...
SakaeYOU BLOODY MORON! THEY WANT US TO JOIN THEM FOR THE ROLE OF LIGHT WARRIOR!
IceyAlright Alright! No need to get all Bristish on me...
Mysterious voiceDid somebody meation a light warrior?! *Superman music starts to play and in the sky you see a tall dark figure with a cape flowing, he then lands down dramatically and poses.*

Kaldor is here, no reason to fear, evil's dark might, is penetrated by my light. Blackmagic I wield, all monsters should yeild. EXSCLISISOR!
WhitemageWords can't describe how increddibly crappy that was..
chixdigpaleguysBut Kaldor sir, there is only suppose to be FOUR light warriors, and I count five..
WhitemageYou can count and never told me?!
KaldorWell no sense in non-destined chumps trying to fill the void, they will undoubtedly die a horrible painful death at the hands of evil.
SakaeWho you calling chump?! Atleast I don't look like Puss n' Boots!

Yo, I was to hear the king was searching for people to help him find the lost princess, guess you five are on your way to?
KaldorOnly four of us, this is clearly a sighn that the light warriors will be sprung forth!
WhitemageIt's stupid to just pick four! How will we know we picked the right ones?! Besides, even the two suckers who AREN'T light warriors get killed, it makes the light warrior's job a little easier! It's just practical!
chixdigpaleguysPractical smactical! Destiny shall not be denied!
SakaeAnd how do you plan to choose the proper light warriors between us smartguy? -_-
The Werewolf LordLook umm... I'll just go by myself if that's ok with you guys..
WhitemageOk here's an idea. Sense a princess is involved, I'll go with this armor addicted swordsman, you all can be "the light warriors" ok?
chixdigpaleguysNo way Whitemage! Me and you are pre-destined can't you tell?!
WhitemageEven if I could, I wouldn't want to.
KaldorWell this is obviously getting us nowhere. chixdigpaleguys clearly believes himself and Whitemage are pre-destined, I KNOW I'm pre-destined, this just leaves the questionable The Werewolf Lord, Sakae, and Icey.
The Werewolf LordHow did he know my name?
IceyI guess cause he's a "light warrior" go with it.
KaldorNow clearly the light warriors would need good synergy. Let's compare what we have, we have myself.
Kaldor:
A versatile mage who can cast both white and black magic, I'm a decent fighter and can take more hits then your average mage.
WhitemageSo bassically you suck at fighting more then The Werewolf Lord, you don't excell in anything, and when we are able to comprehend bigger better spells and reach godly like strength, you, the seemingly "good for any situation" character will be pretty much useless.
KaldorWell gee, isn't someone just pessesmistic.. anyway, we also have..
Icey:
Icey, who from the name I can only assume loves ice spells. As a blackmage his destructive prowless will be more then useful to the team, however his lack of HP could hold us back, and unless we come across ghosts or golems or things that regenerate, we shouldn't have much of a problem considering anyone with a sword can kill otherwise.
IceyYou make me sound useless.
SakaeMaybe that's cause YOU ARE useless.
IceyMy "lit" spell says differantlly sucker..
KaldorAlright, then we got chixdigpaleguys..
chixdigpaleguys:
A blackbelt, now blackbelts are pretty low matienance. They need absolutely NO weapons to attack.
WhitemageOn the other hand we will undoubtedly come across legendary swords that will prove to be quite usefull and sense he's a stupid blackbelt, won't be able to use them..
KaldorNO MORE INTERUPTIONS! >.<
Sakae:
Sakae is a thief, though a crappy armor and weapon list, poor attack and defence, and no magic.. Theives have the uncanny ability to run really really fast. Meaning if we ever are on the brink of death, it be good to have this guy around. Also incase of monsters we find beneath us or monsters we have no way of stopping.
SakaeWhitemage knows all too well my run ability. >: D
WhitemageShutup. -_-
The Werebear Lord:
Then there's The Werebear Lord, he's strong. But requires high matienance from weapons and armor. Meaning in the beggining he will take up quite alot of our money.
SakaeAny amount of money is too much money.
IceyYes, how are we suppose to afford spells if we have to by this idiot armor and weapons?!
chixdigpaleguysWe could just kill more random ecounters..
WhitemageBesides, we will undoubtedly come across legendary weapons that only HE can wield.
Whitemage:
And then there's you Whitemage. As much as I hate to say it, you probably have the most chances of making the cut because you wield whitemagic very well. And unless we have whitemagic we'll have to spend more money on potions then anything.
SakaeSpend Spend Spend! Less talk about spending, more about looting!
IceyIt's better to get then to recieve Sakae.
SakaeOh? Then get me a hundred gold, it'll make you feel better! >;D
Icey-_-
KaldorSense we live in a fair democracy, we shall simply vote off the first member, the second one will then be voted off and the last voted will have no say it it. Now like survivor will make notes and someone will read them. We COULD use my hat, but sense it's short one of you could possibly cheat, so I instead think White--
WhitemageTouch the robes and die.
KaldorIcey--
IceyDon't even think about it.
KaldorFINE! We can use my hat! But don't lose it, it gives me a +1 in all wisdom checks, it's "the thinking cap". And sense I know Whitemage is thinking evil thoughts about destroying my hat I shall trust The Werewolf Lord with the votes.
WhitemageDamnit! How did he know?! *The votes are put into the hat and The Werewolf Lord reads them.*
The Werewolf Lord-_- *The Werewolf Lord sees one that says "Teh warewoof lard and the signature says chixdigpaleguys, another note just has a drawing of money sybmbols flying towards Sakae and hugging him while The Werewolf lord sits on the ground crying, another note says "THE WEREWOLF LORD. P.S: This is from Icey you sucker." Kaldor's note says "The guys with the crappiest will save" and Whitemage's note says "chixdigpaleguys and The Werewolf Lord." The Werewolf Lord tries to cheat and gives it back to Kaldor.*
KaldorYou know The Werewolf Lord, your scheme would've worked had it not been for the fact that you just wrote on the back side of the votes..
The Werewolf LordDamnit..
KaldorOk everyone, who we should we vote off next?
Whitemagechixdigpaleguys..
IceyIt's quite the debate, we all have many uses..
WhitemageWhat is there to debate?! chixdigpaleguys!
SakaeWell considering all of you but chixdigpaleguys are going to cost me money I only want him to stay..
Whitemage>: / ...Pelor you owe me. Remember that time I told Wee-Jas those panties were for her birthday?!
PelorDamn you Whitemage, fine.. but I'm still not killing chixdigpaleguys..
Whitemage *Sigh!* Can't win them all... *A flash of light and suddenlly Sakae is inplace of The Werewolf Lord.*
SakaeWHAT?!
The Werewolf LordYou were voted out Sakae, go home..
SakaeBut... But my run ability, and....
KaldorWhat are you talking about? You can't soak up damage worth crap! That beats run anyday!
WhitemageThanks Pelor..
Pelor *Grumble!* That's the second time you've blackmailed me just cause I like to sleep around..
KaldorPersonally I vote Icey. We don't NEED all that blackmagic..
IceyWhat What WHAT?!

[Mashirosen]

Doing that!

KaldorYou're just as bafoon as a fighter but instead with bad magic. I will use my magics to thier fullest extent, I may not excell, but my versatility and stradigetic reasoning will go much father then a "nuke".
IceyBWAH?!
The Werewolf LordYeah, blackmages suck anyway..
IceyBaha men?!
chixdigpaleguysWorst light warrior ever...
IceyAww man! Even the monk's dissing me!
WhitemagePelor you owe me.. *Pelor is making out with Lavethian in the heavens and grasping her butt.*
PelorOh shutup Whitemage, deal with your own problems for a change..*Pelor pulls down the curtain.*
WhitemageDamnit. -_-
were just npcs trying to sway us from our destiny. Hence why you were the only two who didn't have the intention of saving the day.
WhitemageWell neither did I...
chixdigpaleguysNunh-unh! Your motivation was girls Whitemage! But still a motivation! A link we all share. The other two just happend to come across us..
WhitemageDamnit! Can I vote myself out?!
SakaeThis was more rigged then the Florida elections! *The light warriors journey to the castle.*
IceyThat's ok Sakae, cause I got a plan to get sweet black magery revenge on all of them.... *Icey cackles.*
[b]Sakae[b/]Is it gonna' cost me any money?
IceyNo.
SakaeThen you may countinue with the cackeling. *Icey countunyes to cackle.*

Kaldar is spelled K-A-L-D-A-R.

Kaldor is not my name. It is Kaldar.

Damn, can't believe I'm kicked out already... I hope this revenge entails hadokens of the highest order...

You're lucky I don't whap you with a batarang and send you to Arkham for stealing those jokes.

Owwh
I was wondering who kaldor was :P