"Let's Talk About The Bond Films" or "Are The Villains Really Crazy?"

Seil · 06-21-2009, 03:26 AM

So a bit ago, me dad got the first two boxes of the James Bond collection from relatives. After a bit, I sat down to watch a few - Goldfinger, The World Is Not Enough, Thunderball, Die Another Day... I noticed a pattern: crazy gadgets, beautiful women and awesome action were not it. Sure, those things were there - they're a staple of the franchise. But I also noticed that despite the talents of Sean Connery, older 007 movies have not aged well.

Thunderball, for instance, is a sixties Bond flick - and if you can imagine all the technology in the sixties compared to now... well... and the finale of this big underwater battle atwixt Her Majesties men and the henchmen of Spectre where the best way to defeat your enemy is to sever their scuba oxygen tube - what? Oh, yeah, they're underwater, armed with dart guns and knives. It's a big underwater knife fight. The villain also has a swimming pool with sharks in the backyard of his island estate, which is kind of a big tip off that you're a bad guy - or at least should be watched by the FBI. Oh well, at least there's a jet pack.

And Goldfinger? Everyone always mentions this film when James Bond is brought up, if for nothing than to note the villains obsession with leaving Bond strapped to some big death-dealing machine, leaves and is somehow surprised that he manages to escape. Which I find weird, because the scene most commonly referenced is James Bond strapped to a table with the laser about to slice him in half. The thing is, in the movie, at this point Goldfinger knows who and what Bond is, trapped him in his underground lair with bodyguards all around, and has him strapped to a table without any of his gadgets and a laser about to slice him in half. James escapes this by - stay with me here - convincing Goldfinger that he'd be more use to him alive. After which, Goldfinger keeps him locked in a prison cell in his home in the States, and describes his plan to throw the economy of America into chaos and subsequently make himself very rich.

And how does Bond stop this from happening? He sleeps with the girl. Octopussy, then swayed by James'... passion for justice, alerts the authorities and helps stop Goldfinger.

Don't think I'm complaining, I love the Bond flicks - I'm just trying to address my opinion on the aging process. Because, if you look at it, Bond is either a terrible spy, or a bad-ass superman. Not to say that he doesn't meet his share of dim-witted henchmen; in Die Another Day, the villains have Jinx, Halle Berry's character, strapped to a beam in the basement greenhouse of an Alaskan ice palace. (Go with me here, it makes sense if you watch the movie.) Anyway, the villain tries to get a henchmen to shoot Jinx, and he's like "Nah, I'm gonna use the laser." And then James Bond swoops in and manages to fight him - in a very bad-ass way - amidst a skew of dancing laser beams. It's just... well, it's pretty awesome. You can't really deny that. James Bond is awesome. But usually, the only thing that saves him is his partner, a gadget that had a lot of emphasis put on it in the beginning of the film (In License To Kill it's an over-active lighter!) or the girl. 'Cause every evil bad guy has to have one hot girl on his research team/crew of assassins/girlfriend/Bond girl reserve.

However, while I may trash talk the older Bond films - and the newer for their dependence on more technological means - there's only one real Bond; Connery. The close second is Brosnan, and while I thought I'd go with Craig for a third, I have to say that his latest movie is a bit of a... well, it's good - but it's no From Russia With Love. Let's go with Dalton.

Professor Smarmiarty · 06-21-2009, 04:42 AM

Bond tech hasn't aged well? Moonraker.

Also Goldfinger is an interesting case. When it was made there was no lasers available that could cut through a big block of gold like in the movie. A laser that could was made the very next year. They totally called it.

As for my favourite Bond I go with Moore for two reasons:
A) He is the only Bond that could actually kick your ass (he has black belt in Karate as well as other trainings and things)
and
B) His movies tend to embrace the ridiculousness of Bond more, epitomised by Moonraker. A lot of the other bonds try to serious it up a lot (I'm looking at you Craig) which is silly because the Bond movies are all inherentely pretty ridiculous and being serious about them just doesn't work. It only serves to highlight the stupid parts more.

Lumenskir · 06-22-2009, 07:37 AM

I actually thought Brosnan had the potential to be the best of the old-era Bonds, if he hadn't been saddled with being in the worst Bond scripts.

Professor Smarmiarty · 06-22-2009, 07:47 AM

I never actually seen a Brosnan one. I've only heard bad things about them though.

Seil · 06-23-2009, 11:21 PM

Okay, I watched Diamonds Are Forever last night, and I was a little surprised. There's this opening montage of Sean Connery punching people, asking about Blofeld, then killing Blofeld. Well, a Blofeld. Apparently our old friend Ernst is giving people plastic surgery in order to fool Bond.

I don't have a problem with this. What I do have a problem with is that he has these two associates, Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wynt. Now, I don't know if this is where the idea started, but I swear I've seen these two before. They're... I don't want to say cool, but they're interesting. They're also completely incapable of firing a gun.

Diamonds Are Forever is a movie that's just... odd. Specifically because it's one of the few I've seen that a villain actually straps Bond to a giant death thingy, then leaves for what we can only assume is tea time. (Actually, given the behavior of the men in the flick, it wouldn't surprise me if Wynt and Kidd actually did leave for tea time.) They have Bond unconscious at a few points in the film and what do the do? They don't shoot him! It's... it's just weird.

Quote:

I never actually seen a Brosnan one. I've only heard bad things about them though.

I like the idea of Brosnan in the Role, but it's been ages since I've seen his stuff, save for The World Is Not Enough and Die Another Day - which seemed to have a lot of callbacks to Diamonds Are Forever. Like the giant satellite laser, and... well... that was in Goldeneye, too, right? He's great for the role and plays the character well, in my opinion. I just came from A View To A Kill, and all I have to say about Connery, Brosnan and Dalton of the top three Bonds. I couldn't quite get through The Man With The Golden Gun because he was just so... off of what I thought the character should be.

Lumenskir · 06-24-2009, 08:31 AM

Quote:

I never actually seen a Brosnan one. I've only heard bad things about them though.

They're all for the most part uniformly terrible except for Brosnan. You can kind of get the impression that if Brosnan had been around for when Bond One Liners were good and the villains and love interests weren't retarded he'd be higher in the Bond acclaim, but as is he's stuck in movies where Koreans get 'gene therapy'-ied to become white guys with steampunk electric shooting arms and his classiest written comment is saying "I didn't know Christmas came twice" to Denise Richards playing a nuclear scientist named Christmas.

06-21-2009, 03:26 AM	#1
Seil Super stressed! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: British Columbia Posts: 8,081	"Let's Talk About The Bond Films" or "Are The Villains Really Crazy?" So a bit ago, me dad got the first two boxes of the James Bond collection from relatives. After a bit, I sat down to watch a few - Goldfinger, The World Is Not Enough, Thunderball, Die Another Day... I noticed a pattern: crazy gadgets, beautiful women and awesome action were not it. Sure, those things were there - they're a staple of the franchise. But I also noticed that despite the talents of Sean Connery, older 007 movies have not aged well. Thunderball, for instance, is a sixties Bond flick - and if you can imagine all the technology in the sixties compared to now... well... and the finale of this big underwater battle atwixt Her Majesties men and the henchmen of Spectre where the best way to defeat your enemy is to sever their scuba oxygen tube - what? Oh, yeah, they're underwater, armed with dart guns and knives. It's a big underwater knife fight. The villain also has a swimming pool with sharks in the backyard of his island estate, which is kind of a big tip off that you're a bad guy - or at least should be watched by the FBI. Oh well, at least there's a jet pack. And Goldfinger? Everyone always mentions this film when James Bond is brought up, if for nothing than to note the villains obsession with leaving Bond strapped to some big death-dealing machine, leaves and is somehow surprised that he manages to escape. Which I find weird, because the scene most commonly referenced is James Bond strapped to a table with the laser about to slice him in half. The thing is, in the movie, at this point Goldfinger knows who and what Bond is, trapped him in his underground lair with bodyguards all around, and has him strapped to a table without any of his gadgets and a laser about to slice him in half. James escapes this by - stay with me here - convincing Goldfinger that he'd be more use to him alive. After which, Goldfinger keeps him locked in a prison cell in his home in the States, and describes his plan to throw the economy of America into chaos and subsequently make himself very rich. And how does Bond stop this from happening? He sleeps with the girl. Octopussy, then swayed by James'... passion for justice, alerts the authorities and helps stop Goldfinger. Don't think I'm complaining, I love the Bond flicks - I'm just trying to address my opinion on the aging process. Because, if you look at it, Bond is either a terrible spy, or a bad-ass superman. Not to say that he doesn't meet his share of dim-witted henchmen; in Die Another Day, the villains have Jinx, Halle Berry's character, strapped to a beam in the basement greenhouse of an Alaskan ice palace. (Go with me here, it makes sense if you watch the movie.) Anyway, the villain tries to get a henchmen to shoot Jinx, and he's like "Nah, I'm gonna use the laser." And then James Bond swoops in and manages to fight him - in a very bad-ass way - amidst a skew of dancing laser beams. It's just... well, it's pretty awesome. You can't really deny that. James Bond is awesome. But usually, the only thing that saves him is his partner, a gadget that had a lot of emphasis put on it in the beginning of the film (In License To Kill it's an over-active lighter!) or the girl. 'Cause every evil bad guy has to have one hot girl on his research team/crew of assassins/girlfriend/Bond girl reserve. However, while I may trash talk the older Bond films - and the newer for their dependence on more technological means - there's only one real Bond; Connery. The close second is Brosnan, and while I thought I'd go with Craig for a third, I have to say that his latest movie is a bit of a... well, it's good - but it's no From Russia With Love. Let's go with Dalton.

06-21-2009, 04:42 AM	#2
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	Bond tech hasn't aged well? Moonraker. Also Goldfinger is an interesting case. When it was made there was no lasers available that could cut through a big block of gold like in the movie. A laser that could was made the very next year. They totally called it. As for my favourite Bond I go with Moore for two reasons: A) He is the only Bond that could actually kick your ass (he has black belt in Karate as well as other trainings and things) and B) His movies tend to embrace the ridiculousness of Bond more, epitomised by Moonraker. A lot of the other bonds try to serious it up a lot (I'm looking at you Craig) which is silly because the Bond movies are all inherentely pretty ridiculous and being serious about them just doesn't work. It only serves to highlight the stupid parts more.

06-22-2009, 07:47 AM	#4
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	I never actually seen a Brosnan one. I've only heard bad things about them though.