Killing/Avoiding Horror Movie Villains 101

Seil · 04-24-2010, 01:00 AM

Inspired by the Freddy thread, I wanted to make a new thread about all horror movie villains in general. Feel free to add your own!

FREDDY KRUEGER
Basically, don't fall asleep. Remember Fifth, if you fall asleep, Freddy will kill you.

JASON VOORHEES
Don't go to summer camps, don't make fun of disabled kids.

MICHAEL MYERS
Don't be born into the Myers family, don't become friends with anyone that has the 'Myers' surname.

LEATHERFACE
Don't go to Texas. Everyone there is related to cannibals.

LEPRECHAUN
Don't steal anyone's gold.

CHUCKY
Stay away from any kid who owns a doll.

CHILDREN OF THE CORN
You know what? Stay away from kids in general.

EXORCIST
Especially kids named Regan.

THE RING
Buy some DVD's.

THE GRUDGE
Ask the realtor about the people who lived in the house before you.

AMITYVILLE HORROR
Seriously, ask about that shit.

PSYCHO
Never stay at roadside motels. Best Western that shit.

THE BLOB
Stay fit.

THE BIRDS
Always carry some birdseed

IT
Concentrate on your hobbies, like bird watching. Concentrate so hard that you won't be scared of the clown that's trying to kill you.

Premmy · 04-24-2010, 01:02 AM

Godzilla:
Don't Be human.

Slenderman:
Don't think about him or ask about him

Candlejack:
Don't-

Krylo · 04-24-2010, 01:09 AM

Alternatively:

Freddy: Don't be a pussy.

Voorhees: Kill his mom. (That's who's really doing it, anyway)

Myers: Shotgun. (At least in the first few movies)

Leatherface: Shotgun. (This solves lots of problems, really)

Leprechaun: Cold Iron, and Four Leaf Clovers. Alternatively, shotgun shells stuffed with those.

Chucky: Anything that results in total destruction of the doll. Incinerators, powerful explosives, unprotected doll sex...

Children of the Corn: Shotgun. They're just kids. Do avoid cornfields, though.

Exorcist: Father Mayii

The Ring:

The Grudge: A good insurance policy and a goddamn lighter.

Amityville Horror: Same.

Psycho: Shotgun.

The Blob: Steve McQueen, and/or Liquid Nitrogen.

mauve · 04-24-2010, 01:15 AM

THE KINGDOM
Don't build a hospital on ancient aboriginal holy lands. Also, if you keep a kid in solitary confinement and conduct horrible experiments on her until she dies, and then bury said kid under cement in aforementioned hospital, don't be surprised when you run into problems later with spectral dogs and creepy hell-children. Also also, hiding a severed head in the staff fridge does not qualify as an acceptable office prank.

THE HAUNTING If the ghost expert tells you not to go into the abandoned nursery, DON'T GO INTO THE FREAKING ABANDONED NURSERY.

Seil · 04-24-2010, 01:20 AM

Quote:

Amityville Horror: Same.

In the first movie, it wasn't really the house - the Lutz family thought the house was fine.

The problem was with the house possessing the family members and/or talking to the daughter through the dead family members.

POLTERGEIST
Respect the dead. Really, some of these can be avoided by being a good person.

Premmy · 04-24-2010, 01:24 AM

Any haunted House ever:
GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE GOD-DAMNED HOUSE WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Bells · 04-24-2010, 01:27 AM

for a second there i forgot about the "Teen Horror" rules

1- Don't have sex outside
2- Don't have sex on cheap motels or in your house (don't be cheap, you fuck!)
3- Don't walk alone if there is ANY blimp in the horrormeter
4- Don't be black or a coward that keeps telling everyone they will die

Fifthfiend · 04-24-2010, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Freddy: Don't be a pussy.

Still kidding yourself.

Seil · 04-24-2010, 01:28 AM

NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT CHICK IS DEAD, SHE'S IN A GODDAMNED BODY BAG, DON'T FOLLOW HER WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HO SHIT!

BloodyMage · 04-24-2010, 07:28 PM

REC:
Not so much a villain but the best way to avoid Mereiros is to never turn off the lights.

04-24-2010, 01:00 AM	#1
Seil Super stressed! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: British Columbia Posts: 8,081	Killing/Avoiding Horror Movie Villains 101 Inspired by the Freddy thread, I wanted to make a new thread about all horror movie villains in general. Feel free to add your own! FREDDY KRUEGER Basically, don't fall asleep. Remember Fifth, if you fall asleep, Freddy will kill you. JASON VOORHEES Don't go to summer camps, don't make fun of disabled kids. MICHAEL MYERS Don't be born into the Myers family, don't become friends with anyone that has the 'Myers' surname. LEATHERFACE Don't go to Texas. Everyone there is related to cannibals. LEPRECHAUN Don't steal anyone's gold. CHUCKY Stay away from any kid who owns a doll. CHILDREN OF THE CORN You know what? Stay away from kids in general. EXORCIST Especially kids named Regan. THE RING Buy some DVD's. THE GRUDGE Ask the realtor about the people who lived in the house before you. AMITYVILLE HORROR Seriously, ask about that shit. PSYCHO Never stay at roadside motels. Best Western that shit. THE BLOB Stay fit. THE BIRDS Always carry some birdseed IT Concentrate on your hobbies, like bird watching. Concentrate so hard that you won't be scared of the clown that's trying to kill you. Last edited by Seil; 04-24-2010 at 01:13 AM.

04-24-2010, 01:02 AM	#2
Premmy Stop the hate Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a nice web on fifty first street Posts: 4,466	Godzilla: Don't Be human. Slenderman: Don't think about him or ask about him Candlejack: Don't- __________________ Drank

04-24-2010, 01:09 AM	#3
Krylo The Straightest Shota Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: It's a secret to everybody. Posts: 17,789	Alternatively: Freddy: Don't be a pussy. Voorhees: Kill his mom. (That's who's really doing it, anyway) Myers: Shotgun. (At least in the first few movies) Leatherface: Shotgun. (This solves lots of problems, really) Leprechaun: Cold Iron, and Four Leaf Clovers. Alternatively, shotgun shells stuffed with those. Chucky: Anything that results in total destruction of the doll. Incinerators, powerful explosives, unprotected doll sex... Children of the Corn: Shotgun. They're just kids. Do avoid cornfields, though. Exorcist: Father Mayii The Ring: The Grudge: A good insurance policy and a goddamn lighter. Amityville Horror: Same. Psycho: Shotgun. The Blob: Steve McQueen, and/or Liquid Nitrogen. __________________ I am very tired.

04-24-2010, 01:15 AM	#4
mauve So Dreamy Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Someplace magical Posts: 6,863	THE KINGDOM Don't build a hospital on ancient aboriginal holy lands. Also, if you keep a kid in solitary confinement and conduct horrible experiments on her until she dies, and then bury said kid under cement in aforementioned hospital, don't be surprised when you run into problems later with spectral dogs and creepy hell-children. Also also, hiding a severed head in the staff fridge does not qualify as an acceptable office prank. THE HAUNTING If the ghost expert tells you not to go into the abandoned nursery, DON'T GO INTO THE FREAKING ABANDONED NURSERY. __________________ Yoo Hoo!

04-24-2010, 01:24 AM	#6
Premmy Stop the hate Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a nice web on fifty first street Posts: 4,466	Any haunted House ever: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE GOD-DAMNED HOUSE WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! __________________ Drank

04-24-2010, 01:27 AM	#7
Bells That's so PC of you Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: In a Server-sided Dimension where time is meaningless Posts: 10,490	for a second there i forgot about the "Teen Horror" rules 1- Don't have sex outside 2- Don't have sex on cheap motels or in your house (don't be cheap, you fuck!) 3- Don't walk alone if there is ANY blimp in the horrormeter 4- Don't be black or a coward that keeps telling everyone they will die __________________ *BELLS STORE : Clothes! You wear* them! Free US Shipping Subscription System? WTF?! Zazzle Black!**

04-24-2010, 01:28 AM	#9
Seil Super stressed! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: British Columbia Posts: 8,081	NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT CHICK IS DEAD, SHE'S IN A GODDAMNED BODY BAG, DON'T FOLLOW HER WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HO SHIT! Last edited by Seil; 04-24-2010 at 01:35 AM.

04-24-2010, 07:28 PM	#10
BloodyMage I'm not even in the highscore. Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 667	REC: Not so much a villain but the best way to avoid Mereiros is to never turn off the lights.