Fault. Poem by RaiRai.

[RaiRai]

I'm flawed
Imperfect
At fault
and ashamed
All that has happened has just been a game
a game on my life
unhappy
untrue
you treated me perfect
do I look perfect to you?
I can't see it
I don't feel it
Reflections show me doubt
from this hideous figure I long to be without
confused
dejected
pushed and rejected
infected by hatred for this body of mine
I'd sooner be without it
this vessel
this cage
that holds me away
I see emptiness
sorrow
I see another tomorrow
where I'm beautiful in my own eyes
and not just yours...

[Stephanos]

Deep, very deep RaiRai. Although I'm not a poet so my opinions don't count. I probably like it because it reflects my own feelings. Now I feel all depressed.

[RaiRai]

You don't need to be a poet to have opinions, and it isn't meant to have depressed anyone, just made people reflect.

[Funka Genocide]

as I'm reading this, I get an idea, maybe not related to your poem at all, but never the less I am compelled to write it here. Drama, its quite a word, and even more of a noun. Whenever I write poetry, I always feel bigger than I am, as if my life is more substantial. All my triumphs become legendary, all my defeats are devastating, and all my shortcomings are monumental. If one were to aks me how I feel about a topic in normal conversation, the reply would most likely be nothing too far out of the ordinary, at least in emotional content. Yet if I write my feelings down, everything becomes more dramatic. I wonder if I really do feel as strongly as I espouse in my poetry, or if I'm just full of it. Its hard to rouse myself to true emotion most of the time, but its alwyas there when I reach for it in verse. just some thoughts.

[RaiRai]

I write most of my poetry from the heart. So whatever I write reflects on how I feel. Growing in and out of proportion, perhaps, but at the time, the feeling stands strong to the subject matter I write about. It's a flaw, perhaps, because whatever I write is as plain as day. Perhaps I should get more into metaphors and less into spilling out my lifes problems...

[Funka Genocide]

I think that whatever pops into your head first is typically waht you should go with. If your style of writing is more direct, that doesn't make it flawed. However, if you really do want to change how you express yourself, theres nothing wrong with that either, at least from my perspective. I try to introduce random elements in to my poetry. I try to experiment with different types of structure and content. It helps me keep from stagnating.

[RaiRai]

This WAS an experiment in itself. I don't usually write poetry in this style, but it just seemed to work with the uneven breaks and to be read almost as if the poem was at fault itself. I don't know how well I managed to get that across though.

[Dona Maria]

your use of line really seemed to drive in the feeling at being at fault. "uneven breaks" as you say are used to specifically enhance one word over others, and it works here.